Familiar territory
Yesterday morning after a bit of a blurry night, one that resembled the many blurry nights before it where the newest member of the family periodically yelled orders and shot butterscotch poo four feet up and out the back of her diaper — wait, have I mentioned yet that Marlo doesn't cry? I'm serious. She doesn't string together a chorus of wailing like many other babies her age, but, and this is a HUGE but, a Kardashian-sized but that makes everyone in the room stop and stare and wonder HOW IN THE WORLD that thing fits through a door, the kid can yell. And I mean, YELL. Like, the referee has just called the runner out at home base and the coach runs out, throws his ball cap on the dirt and starts rattling off a string of obscenities that I wouldn't even repeat on this website, I KNOW CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT, that kind of yelling. Pot-bellied, weathered by years of tragedy and illness and unemployment kind of yelling. Drunk on scotch and just got home from the coal mine yelling.
Where was I? Right, yesterday morning. Somehow all the pieces came together and everything that normally has to get done on a Monday morning got done. Leta got dressed, the dogs got fed, Marlo burped and ate and yelled about the wet diaper that had leaked all over her onesie. And then, here's the kicker, I took a shower, washed my hair and applied mascara. If you've never lived with a newborn you're probably going, huh? What? There's a point to this? YES. IN FACT THERE IS A POINT. AN EXCLAMATION POINT. A THUNDERING HERD OF THEM. Because then we got into the car and made it to Marlo's two-week check-up on time. Without any crying or screaming or chucking heavy appliances across the room. I guess the only way to explain the significance of this to someone who hasn't ever lived with a newborn is to imagine waking up in a bed of liquid chocolate next to a naked supermodel. And then suddenly you realize that while you've been sleeping someone came in and wallpapered your room with Twizzlers and one hundred dollar bills.
I felt so powerful, so victorious, like I could crush solid granite with my hands. I wanted to turn cartwheels across my front yard, except for that whole STITCHES IN THE LADY PARTS thing. Yes, I did just go there, my apologies to the 19-year-old boy who is reading this in his mom's basement. Listen, you just go right ahead and think that all women wax themselves bald down there like the pictures you see in that stack of porn underneath your bed and pretend I didn't just suggest that on occasion, when the MIRACLE OF LIFE is involved, that beautiful flower of a body part has to come face to face with a needle and thread.
Now, on to something I feel like I need to tell you right away. When I sat down to write this I realized that this is a bit out of order, that I should tell you about labor first, but then I felt like I shouldn't wait because so many of you are wondering and have written to ask, how are you? How are you coping? Do you think the dark cloud is going to eat you alive again? Because what I experienced after Leta was born was so monumentally awful, bad enough that I eventually ended up in a hospital. What if it happens again? You know the odds are that it will happen again, right? Aren't you scared out of your mind?
And so this is what's going on...
The adrenaline rush I experienced after going through a natural birth was unlike anything I've ever lived through before. It was so powerful that I didn't sleep for over 48 hours, and I was giddy, so happy and high and certain that I could move mountains. From the moment they laid Marlo on my chest I was in love, and she and I bonded instantly. For two days she was attached to my chest and I did nothing but marvel at her every feature. That fascination with her has not changed, and neither Jon nor I are experiencing any of the shock that we did when we brought Leta home. In fact, it feels like we are just continuing where we left off when Leta suddenly shifted from newborn to giggling baby. Breastfeeding is so much easier this time. In fact, it's an absolute joy, and both Jon and I can change a diaper with one hand while multi-tasking with the other. There is none of the crazy stress that was there when our lives shifted from childless couple to Family of Three.
However, on day three something happened. At first I thought it was the sleep deprivation catching up with me, so I ignored it. But by day five and six I couldn't pretend I was okay anymore. I started having panic attacks and such severe anxiety that my hands started to contort and clutch into twisted positions that I could not relieve. I couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep, and my mind started spiraling into dangerous places. I was so angry, so frustrated because there was no reason to feel this way. Intellectually I knew everything was okay, and my god! I knew what I was doing! I loved the baby and knew how to meet her needs! WHY WAS I PANICKING?! There just wasn't a good explanation for my crippling anxiety, but there it was. And it was robbing me of the experience I was determined to have.
So early last week we called the doctor who treated me in the hospital back in 2004. He does not normally see patients who are not in the hospital, but by some lucky twist of the universe he thought I was someone else, someone whom he owed a favor, and agreed to see me as an outpatient. And two days later I'm sitting there on a couch in his office facing him as he contorts his face in an effort to figure out just who the hell I am. And I'm sweating, and the anxiety is crawling up my body and paralyzing my neck, and he's all, hmm... you're not who I thought you were. But here you are, and dear God, woman. You look just awful.
So he pulled up my record from five years ago, glanced back at me, looked back at his computer, and that's when I involuntarily blurted out, "I wrote a book about my experience in the hospital." Maybe to let him know that I was serious? That here I was dumb enough to try and do this whole thing again? And he immediately whipped his head around and said, "You're THAT woman?"
Yes. Indeed. THAT woman. The woman who writes about poop and hemorrhoids and stitches in her vagina YES DEAR GOD THAT'S ME. Listen, my Republican, Mormon, gun-owning father read my book and he still loves me! That counts for something, right? I guess his wife had heard about my book, and when she was describing it to him he knew immediately that I had to have been someone he treated because of the speed with which I healed. He treats postpartum depression very differently than most doctors, and his patients usually see results instantly. And that is exactly what happened with me in the hospital five years ago, I took a cocktail of meds and within two hours I felt like a different person.
So we did a lot of talking, and since he's been treating women for this very condition for over 30 years I did a lot of listening and learning. The odds were completely stacked against me, and he said that if I had been gearing up and treating the possibility of this in my third trimester I might have been able to avoid it. But since I didn't it was time to attack it now. So he made a minor tweak to my meds and asked me to come back and see him in two weeks, and I am not even kidding, I felt better that night. In fact, better does not do what I was feeling justice. I felt free.
So what about breastfeeding? That's what you're all wondering, I know, and this is what I'm going to say: he thinks that what I'm taking is perfectly safe to take while breastfeeding. He's prescribed it before to women who are breastfeeding and everything has been perfectly fine. No, I'm not going to talk about what I'm taking because one, it's no one's business, and two, I don't care that you think I'm poisoning my baby. I also think that anyone going through this needs to consult their own doctor and make an informed, personal decision about their individual situation. And then go on and live a better, happier life.
I've been on the new meds for over five days, and I haven't had a panic attack once. I feel like a regular person who has an infant and can handle it, and during my pregnancy that was exactly what I was aiming for. Turns out I needed a little help, a tiny adjustment, but here I am and I am loving it. I love what it has done to my relationship with Leta, what it has helped me see and appreciate in Jon, and I love that I can barely stand to be away from that baby for a minute. Jon has been watching Marlo so that I could write this, and a little bit ago he came rushing downstairs with this kicking, yelling, hungry bundle in his arms, and it was like I hadn't seen her in years. And that yelling... that raucous, staccato, one-too-many-beers yelling... it didn't make me cringe, it made me laugh.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
1. Elizabeth said:
Wonderful....
2. Anonymous said:
I'm so glad you're taking care of yourself and having such a wonderful time with the bewitching Marlo. I have nothing but respect for you. Congratulations!
3. k_darling said:
You are amazingly hilarious and awesome. That's all.
4. Kaylee said:
I literally JUST finished your book. Your writing is so sincere and entertaining that I ran to your website in search of more. I was SO happy to see a new post and it fit right along with the book I JUST FINISHED 2 SECONDS AGO!! :) Thanks!
5. Anonymous said:
SO SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU! Glad all is well! ENJOY!
6. Emily said:
You sound like you are exactly where you need to be that and your family is doing great. Marlo is lucky to have you.
7. Jeni Reno said:
Yeah, that makes me so happy, for all of you.
8. Carrie said:
Psst...teenage boys don't have stacks of porn hidden somewhere anymore - it's all on their hard drives. And they don't even pay for it! Crazy, right?
9. Jenice said:
I am so glad that you are taking care of yourself. And thank you for being real and quite funny at the same time. It's refreshing.
10. Jamie said:
I'm so glad to hear you and your family are doing so well!!
11. Judy said:
We need a video so we can HEAR it! Congratulations.
12. Labradoris said:
I'm glad you feel better. :)
I'm only on the fringe of the mental health field. I'm a psychologist-in-training, but a different kind of psychologist: one that helps people in the workplace, not with mental health. Needless to say, I know a lot of mental health practitioners that are probably cheering you on right now for getting the message out that the pursuit of mental health is not something to be ashamed of. Go you. :)
13. Anonymous said:
I had crippling postpartum depression after my first child. When I felt it coming on again after my second child, I also did whatever it took to make it stop. I didn't take meds the second time around, but I was not afraid to step right up to everyone I saw, let them know my issues and make them help me out. No more being secretive for me -- that was my downfall the first time.
Point is, it must be easier the second time around because we know exactly what we need and we WILL NOT STOP until someone gives it to us. No apologies, no asking nicely.
Good for you for taking care of yourself.
14. Anne said:
It is awesome that you recognized the signs early on of the panic and went to see the doctor to have a minor "tweak" and feel so much better. Also glad that you haven't had a panic attack in five days and that you're taking it stride and able to laugh at the "raucous, staccato, one-too-many-beers yelling". :) You're an inspiration for talking about this Heather and sharing with the world it's not rainbows and kittens that people want you to believe when you adjust to having a baby (although I don't have one I remember my brother's HUGE adjustment and yours from reading your book).
Props on the sharing Heather and glad that everything, while zombie haze of adjustment and minor tweaks and talking, is going marvelous. Go Armstrongs. :)
15. Carrie said:
Heather - Congratulations and rejoice...For Marlo, for natural childbirth, for owning yourself and taking care of yourself, for not waiting.
You are truly an inspriration.
Keep feeling well!
16. Emma said:
really glad to hear you're doing well, dooce.
17. Jill said:
Congratulations and I'm so glad you found a quick resolution this time around! Both of your children are adorable.
18. jooj said:
thank you for your frankness. oh oh oh so refreshing.
19. NaysWay said:
I was so afraid to ask if you were going through this again. Ugh! But I'm so happy you're OK now. I've had two kids and can't imagine what that type of depression does to a woman. My regular, standard depression does me bad enough! Take care.
20. Anonymous said:
You've given us all a new found respect for people who battle depression and it's so great to hear that you're doing so well.
I hope PPD becomes something that women feel more comfortable talking about in the future. ... and boobs and poop. I don't want them to feel left out.
21. Crystal said:
I'm really glad that you are feeling so good now and are able to enjoy your family the way you should!
22. mominthehood said:
Another benefit of having more than one child - knowing what to do and taking charge. Liberating, empowering and very 'free'.
23. mominthehood said:
Another benefit of having more than one child - knowing what to do and taking charge. Liberating, empowering and very 'free'.
24. LindzML said:
Good for you. I'm glad things are going well (for the most part) and that you're so straightforwardly (don't judge) honest about what's not. If someone with an MD thinks you're good to go...then do it. And know that we're all thinking of you (and your very cute family).
25. cb said:
bravo. now that i'm out of the fog and my little one is almost 16 months...yes it took that long....i realized that i went through some bad spouts of postpartum. how and why was i denying it all those terribly lonely and hard months? i was co close to divorcing my soul mate. phew! so glad i got through it. now i'm looking to have another and so afraid of what it will do. thank you for all your honesty and bravery. and bravo for the natural childbirth.
26. Sara said:
Awesome. I'm glad you're feeling better.
27. Nelly said:
Good for you going for a little "tweaking" and getting help so quickly. You're right! It is no one's business but your own. Having recently been diagnosed with anxiety I've heard judgment from others about meds and I tune it out, because you know what, I feel like me and I can carry on without crippling anxiety.
The love for your family is pouring out of your screen right now. All the best & thanks so much for sharing with such good humour!
28. Marissa said:
Congratulations on handling everything so well and making the decisions that are right for you! Marlo's pictures are helping remind me of the joys of having a newborn and shifting my focus off the anxiety of having my second at the end of August - 8 years after my son.
Oh yeah, stitches in my lady parts - can't wait for that again!
29. Sarah said:
I'm so happy to know this friend.
30. kidsmom said:
This made me cry.
I'm on medication,too, but the crying is okay.
Enjoy your life.
31. Marisa said:
I think it's empowering for other women out there to read your story and hear about your treatment's success. As a woman who has not given birth, your explanations of all things baby make me think that it's possible to be a mother and not completely lose my sanity in the process (and I mean that sincerely).
32. Anonymous said:
your book sucked. and than I cried.
33. Scargosun said:
Whoo hoo! Way to go! Way to have the courage to ask for help when you need it and way to go that you know your body as well as you do. I am very happy for you!
34. Hayofray said:
Congratulations, for not just the baby, but all of it.
35. hippittee said:
rock on armstrongs!!
36. Margie said:
You go girl!!! I am so happy for you and your family and that little one is just as pretty as her older sister.
37. emeraldwednesday said:
Glad to hear it's going ok. Congrats!!
38. SwedishPankakes said:
Please provide video of the yelling....please.
39. Megan said:
I hope everything goes well for you. Your doc sounds like a good guy.
40. SwedishPankakes said:
Please provide video of the yelling....please.
41. Anonymous said:
So happy everything is going well for you and for Marlo. Can't wait to read the HEAR ME ROAR Natural Labor story.
42. Dee said:
I can't begin to describe how happy I am for you.
For all four of you!
Happy enjoying, and all the love in the world.
43. Sarah said:
I am so proud of you for coping so well and on behalf of all the Crazies out there thank you so much for letting the world know that it's ok to feel that way, it's ok to ask for help and it's perfectly acceptable to medicate and live a normal life.
44. Rebecca said:
You make me smile. Thanks for sharing!
Much love from Texas!
45. Mari said:
I'm glad you recognized the symptoms right away and that you're feeling better.
For other women who may be suffering from PPD, here is a useful website:
http://www.pamf.org/health/toyourhealth/postpartum.html
And this is the story of a woman I'll never forget:
http://www.melaniesbattle.org/story.html
46. Michele said:
Even in the midst of the sleep deprived haze that is the first weeks with a newborn you are hilarious! After the birth of my son I did not possess a funny bone for quite sometime! Glad to hear everything is working out! Who cares what anyone else thinks...if you are healthy and happy, along with Jon, Leta, Marlo, Chuck and Coco...who gives a rats a*s!
47. Anonymous said:
i've been following your story for awhile now... so happy for you and the family! :)
48. Megan said:
That is so awesome. I too have dealt with post pardom depression and have anxiety thinking about another baby. I'm so happy for you and hope that one day the "yelling" or crying will make me laugh instead of cringe
49. Lisa said:
I am so happy you went almost the exact instant you realized the dark cloud was coming back. And I am happy Dr.Awesome fixed you up so quickly and you are able to be the mother you want to be.
50. Tamara said:
thanks for premeditating our questions and answering them in the way that only you can answer them.
congrats on rushing out the door to get the help you need. not a lot of new mom's do this and it's great that you're sharing your story.
51. leatitia said:
Thank you for posting this. You're honest and that's why I visit every day. Thank you for helping other women out there.
52. Ann said:
Whoo-hoo! So glad you got the help you needed. I was wondering how it was going. Marlo is adorable and in her first picture I could see the eyebrows that says she's your daughter. Lovely family.
53. Erin said:
Awesome. Just, I'm so glad for you guys. I'm glad you can laugh.
54. Janet said:
Good for you, Heather! I'm glad you got help right away.
55. ap said:
Yea! Glad you're feeling good and able to enjoy all of this. Any chance your doctor has written a book or something so that those of not living in Utah can access his fast-acting, effective approach? Please share as much as you can; I think a lot of people would benefit.
56. highlyirritable said:
So glad to hear all is going well - and you already know this, but I'll say it for those at the back - You do what YOU have to for YOUR family. Breastfeed or not (and I did, boy, I did...)loving that baby and feeling "right" with her and Leta is the more important thing in the long run.
Having a new baby in the house is so much like Mexican food - when it's bad, it's really REALLY bad, but when it's good, THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT.
Jeni
57. Jo said:
I know you said you didn't want to share what you are taking but I'm wondering if you could possibly make a teensy weensy exception and email me what it is??? Please??? I'm breastfeeding too and struggling more than a little...
http://minnesotajo.blogspot.com/2009/05/depression-sucks.html
Jo
58. sara said:
i remember the tightness i felt in my chest the last time you were going through all of this - and how i felt like i wanted to do something for you, anything. now i just want to give you a big hug. i'm so happy for all of you.
59. Meagan D said:
I am glad to hear that all is well in the Armstrong household! It sucks that you started to get pulled back into that black hole but, at least this time you knew what to look for. Thank you for continuing to tell us of all your personal struggles, it makes it more comfortable to talk to with other people.
You are truly an inspiration.
60. Brenna said:
You just keep doing what you need to do for yourself and your family. And don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you that you're wrong. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a bunch of faceless, (usually) nameless idiots from the internet criticizing your every move. You could write about washing your hair and 28 people would tell you that you're using the wrong shampoo.
61. Erin said:
Heather, you rock. Period.
62. Lucy said:
I'm cheering you on 100%, Heather! With my three babies, on multiple occasions I was prescribed something that the prescribing doctor told me was not good for nursing. I would call the pediatrician's office and they would look it up in the appropriate reference, and it would turn out to be totally fine for breastfeeding: Doctor #1 was just too lazy or paranoid to tell me it was acceptable. I'm so glad for you that you found a doctor who has been such a help to you. Marlo truly glows - I'm happy you can enjoy her.
63. Kate said:
I'm glad that YOU are doing what is right for YOUR family according to YOUR doctor. Forget the naysayers, I'm glad that YOU are doing well, I wish you and your family all of the best!
64. Ann said:
I am so, so happy for you! Awesome!
65. Aly said:
I love how your doctor knew who you were. You sound amazing, and I am so happy for you!
66. Mari said:
I am so happy that you have it figured out! I hope others seek help when they need it, having a new baby can be so overwhelming.
67. Cat said:
YAY! YAYAYAYAYAY! So happy to know it's going well, I'm sure most of us were wondering and worrying. Can't wait for the birth story!
68. caroline said:
I am so happy for y'all! And good for you for not disclosing the details of the "cocktail" - no need to fuel the crazies fire.
Enjoy your family of four.
Oh, write about how Leta is doing with Marlo...
69. Chris said:
You're fortunate to have found a doctor who has been able to hit the bullseye with his prescriptions for you. I'm glad your relief, your freedom, was almost immediate. Take care of yourself. You're doing great! :-)
70. Jessica said:
There is nothing more wonderful than the feeling of impossible joy with where you are at right now. So happy for you and your whole family!
71. akteacher said:
Thank you for this post, it is exactly what I needed to hear right now!
72. Susanne said:
Isn't it amazing how much better you come to know yourself and what you need as you get older? I have no doubt that your honesty about what you feel and how you deal with it has helped many other women out there who didn't know what to do next. Congrats on doing the best you can...that's really all we can do right?
73. Dogmom said:
I had been wondering, so thank you for the update. I am so glad you're feeling better. That baby is so precious, and I am delighted you -- all of you -- are there to enjoy her. All the best to all you Armstrongs.
74. Christine said:
I'm that awful woman that asked you about sleep training in Mountain View CA of all places...Anyway, I can not tell you how happy I was to read that you are doing ok. And I applaud you for taking control!!
Christine
75. Jill Pilgrim said:
I heart you.
And also, your baby makes my ovaries explode.
Lastly, I'm also on medication for being a generally crazy person.
But really lastly, its so awesome to have someone out there talking about their experiences with depression/anxiety and family.
76. AnEmily said:
Happy news! I'm so glad you wrote this. It's very hard to explain the surreal post-birth experience, but you nailed it. Glad you found a good doctor that listened to you too!
77. Marcy said:
I didn't go through anything nearly like what you did with Leta, but motherhood has completely kicked my ass so far (my son's 17 months). We have plans to have another kid in a couple years. You give me hope that the second time around will be ok.
78. Bitts said:
Re: postpartum medications -- at my #2's 1-month appt, when I was agonizing about how to treat my suddenly-worsening migraines, my OB quipped, "The placenta WISHES it was HALF the filter the breasts are!" Aaaand the migraines are back under control. BY ALL MEANS, you take whatever medications you need to in order to be the mother you want to be.
79. Ashley at Dumb Youngins.com said:
I am soooo glad that everything is going so well!! :)
80. Nora said:
Good for you.
81. Cautionary Girl said:
My good friend and I have been wondering aloud to each other every few days how you're doing.
I'm so glad you got the help you needed to get, lovely. A couple of months ago I went back and read the posts you wrote about the depression you went through after you had Leta, and it made me feel strong enough to go see my doctor and treat my own depression. So thank you.
82. El said:
Thanks for sharing, Dooce.
Like Marlo's dimple, you are extremely, utterly cool.
83. Meredith said:
I'm so happy for you, and your family. Thank you for writing this wonderful web page. You inspire me.
84. Jenny said:
I'm so happy you're doing well!
I also just finished your book not long ago. (Absolutely in love with it, by the way. I don't think I've ever laughed out loud so hard as I did at the section where you and Jon were determining what to call Leta's "parts." And I'm a David Sedaris fan, so that's telling you something.)
Anyway, I feel so immensely happy for you that things are going smoother this time around. You sound so happy.
85. Val said:
YES! SO thrilled for you, Dooce. You go, girl! =) And please kiss her for me, like you need any more excuses to kiss her. Hehe!
86. Mel said:
You are a wonderful amazing woman.
Thank you for sharing everything that is going on with you and letting other women know they are not alone.
87. Anonymous said:
I think I just cried a little...
88. tine said:
you almost gave me a scare but glad to hear you're doing well. it made me tear for a bit. enjoy this time and you seem as though you were reborn again into this new women. i'm totally diggin' it :)
89. Sheri said:
Good for you! You acknowldeged the problem and said "f*ck it, I don't care what people think because really, are they here doing what I'm doing?" Acknowledging the problem is always the first step in treating it, no matter what it is. Mental health issues have always been so taboo. I'm so happy that there are people out there like you that not only acknowledge it, but get treatment and then find a way to share their experience so that others will know they aren't abnormal or some freak of a woman! I lift my hat to you!
And that feeling of wanting to do cartwheels because everything was done that needed to be done and you made it to the doctor....on time? I totally get that!
90. Sarah V said:
I'm so happy for you and your family! I also suffered from crippling postpartum depression and have been worried about having another baby. It's great to hear you and the baby doing so well. Gives me hope for the future! Congrats!
91. Cori said:
There is something so empowering about knowing what do. Knowing what to do about anxiety and depression... knowing what to do with a newborn. My best wishes to you and your family.
92. Florida Sue said:
Good for you Heather. You absolutely did the right thing. You knew you were slipping and you aborted a steep descent. I know that you are aware that it has nothing to do with who you are. Hormones and neurotransmitters. That's it. I applaud your bravery and openness. Leta and baby Marlo are adorable. I wish you all the very best.
Sue.
93. Valerie W said:
That is amazing! I am so happy to hear that you have handled it, gotten yourself back together almost immediately, and you are able to enjoy yourself and your family. I am sooooo happy for you, I can't even express it :) And thank you for taking time out of your Marlo adoration to update us! We miss you!
94. Deanna said:
Rock it, woman! From the mother of one potbellied enraged sports fan yelling infant to another, I say well done you. Congrats to the family.
Also, the captcha is net douched. Did you douche the internet in between all the talk about vaginas?
95. shylo said:
I'm nine weeks postpartum. I'm so happy for you, but I'm so jealous and angry and disappointed in my own situation that I can barely see to type through the tears. I hope things keep going well for you.
96. Kristi said:
Yay!
Please show us a video of the yelling.
97. acm said:
yay for the turnaround, and yay for the overwhelming love, and yes with the demands for posting of yelling!
:)
98. Megan said:
Awwwwww This just made me cry (I'm pregnant - give me a break!). I'm so happy for you and your family. I'm so happy you are doing well. Thank you for sharing with us - your joys and struggles.
99. ZDub said:
I'm so very happy for you. You are doing it and CRUSHING it.
Your girls are lucky to have you as their momma.
100. HappyGrrrl said:
After living through a depression that nearly killed me when I was 30, I was determined to never go to that dark place again. A few years later, with the agreement of my psychologist, OB-GYN, and pediatrician, I remained on my meds throughout my pregnancy and (AND!) breastfeeding. My son is almost 4 and my daughter 18 months, and they are both happy, healthy and well-adjusted...and so am I.
So glad you are living and loving fully. Enjoy your family, you deserve it. :)
101. Jamie Elizabeth said:
Thank you.
102. Melanie said:
I'm so glad that you posted this.
Firstly, because it sounds as though things are going well! Though I don't know you personally, of course, reading this made me smile, and made me happy.
Secondly, because I had horrible ppd/ppocd. I was in an awful situation, felt trapped, was being emotionally and verbally abused, but on top of that there was PPD. I saw, felt, heard, fully experienced doing horrible things (that I never really did do) to my infant son, things I never thought my brain could've come up with. I could not sleep - every eyelash flutter from my son woke me like bombs were exploding. I was lucky, and eventually saw a doctor who is considered to be one of the best in Canada for treating PPD.
I am not in a situation right now where having another child is feasable (I left my son's father, and am not in a position to be dating ... yet), but the possibility of going through that again scares the pants off of me. Or maybe ON to me.
It's good to be reminded that the second time around, should there be one, I'll know what it's like. I'll know how to get help, that I should get help, and that it's okay to get help, and that there IS help. I'll know to address it before it starts.
103. bklyn76 said:
i love how you can make me laugh even when you're writing about crying. so happy you're feeling well again. day 3 is a killer, eh?
104. Karen said:
I am so very happy for you, and for your family. I loved being a new mom better than I have ever loved anything in my life. It makes me happy all over again when I see you feeling that way too!
Your courage and good sense to wrangle your way in to see that doctor shows a whole new level of maturity, even with all the poop talk!
105. Anonymous said:
Heather,
Sounds like you are doing fantastic. I really do respect your privacy and your choice to not share what meds you are on. For sure, I give you kudos for not being ashamed to let the world know about your mental health issues. I am so struggling these days and would give an arm and a leg to live in your city and be able to go find your doctor and let him treat me with a proper RX. Our psych docs here don't last long. It takes several months to get an appt. then they wont let you come in for another 3 months. Frustrating to say the least. By the time I get to my appt. in August, I will not be surprised if my doc has not moved on to another city. It is horrible to have panic attacks, isolate yourself and be crippled by depression, etc. Thank you so much for sharing how your doctor helped you with the right meds. That gives me hope that there is something out there that can help me, too!
You are so blessed with your beautiful family. Congratulations on feeling so good and being able to just enjoy motherhood. (and I feel for you on those stitches. Been there and done that 4 times. Ugh. Heal fast!)
106. trinsch said:
you go, girl! i am so happy for you and your family. this is a time to breath in fully, and you're so right about not letting anything take that experience away from you
107. Melissa said:
so glad to hear you are all doing well. thank you for sharing your struggle with and management of PPD and anxiety - it really helps so many people. you and your adorable family rock!
108. Katie Collins said:
It's so great to read a new post, Dooce! I think I can speak for everyone here (even the crazies) when I say we've missed you!
I'm glad you got help early this time and that everything is better now. It's wonderful knowing that you and Marlo and Leta are making it through this. Just take it one step at a time, girl! You'll be fine! :)
109. coleen said:
good for you heather! i'm so happy you feel normal again. & it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, you feel normal & your baby is healthy. it is important to find a doctor that knows what the eff he's talking about & i'm so glad you did. awesome for you! she's beautiful by the way & i can't wait to see leta lovin' on her as well.
110. Kate said:
I could not be more thrilled for you—YAY!—and impressed by your commitment to your family. YOU ROCK.
111. Carrie said:
It's true, we have all been wondering how you are doing, even those of us who haven't directly asked. Glad to hear that you have the help you need and it sounds like it will be a so much smoother ride this time around. Thank God. Or whoever it is you thank.
112. Tina said:
So, so very happy for you. So good to hear. And just think your journey as a family of 4 has just begun. Congratulations!
113. ang said:
Bravo to you Heather! I respect you for stating your life the way it is and for taking a sense of responsibility (with that of your doctor's advice) and doing what is best for you and the baby and your family.
I know you must feel and know it - but wow were you lucky to get to see your Dr. Awesome! I want people to get the help they need, but I know it must also SUCK to get on the wrong meds and just go through hell while trying to find the right mix and tweaking that is right for your body chemistry. So I'm ELATED that this is working for you. Thanks for sharing your story and your life. And I'm glad you don't care what people think - you're doing what is best for YOU and your family.
I have to say that while I know you're busy, I jones for your posts and I'm SO happy to hear an update! Yeah, totally selfish of me, I know. :)
We <3 and support you!
114. anonymous said:
WOW! I am so amazed at your ability to speak so openly about the postpartum depression. So many people act like it's something to hide or to be ashamed of, which helps no one. It is so wonderful to hear that you are doing what you need to in order to take care of yourself. Keep talking please. So so many women need to hear it; need to know that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Also, thank you for being honest about your battles with depression in general. I have also struggled on occasion - particularly in college. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone and that depression doesn't mean you are crazy or unhappy or dysfunctional. You are an inspiration.
115. Sue said:
Heather, I (for one) think that you "done did good" ~ postpartum depression is a horrible thing to experience, and by seeking help, not only are you doing a very wonderful thing for yourself, you are doing a wonderful thing for your family. You are now all intertwined and what affects one, effects everyone ~ and it will be that way for a very long time ~ you need to be there for one another, whatever help you need to make it so is what you need to do.
:)
The picture of Chuck with the diapers? Totally freakin' hilarious. I think you need to get one where he looks like some old judge dude...
"Here come de judge!" (It's from Laugh In, for those not old enough to remember)
((Hugs)) to Jon, Leta, Marlo and most of all ~ yourself
~:-)
116. Maria said:
Yay! I am so happy for you! Marlo is a way cooler name than Maria, btw. I love your blog, it fills my 4:00 hour at work with much needed laughs.
117. Momof3 said:
Hey Dooce...I have been reading your blog for a few years & think you're hilarious. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are a wonderful mother & applaud you for getting the help you needed. I have had anxiety for a few years & know how HORRIBLE it can be. I also breastfeed & my children are perfectly healthy. Keep up the good work!
118. Heide said:
I'm so happy for you.
119. Karen said:
Love this post! Glad to hear you are alright! Glad to see you're still writing so soon after delivery! :)
120. Caitlin said:
Congratulations on overcoming this, once again. Your family will always be happier when you are happier! Loving photos of little Marlo. She is gorgeous!
121. Kate said:
Very happy for you and glad that you're taking care of yourself. Also writing to apologize for my comment to a prior post, begging for the birth story, because that was really selfish of me. Of course we should all be asking how you are doing and giving you more time....as much time as you need.
(But seriously, where is that birth story?) Just kidding...totally just kidding.
122. YR said:
I'm so happy for you and your family!
I went through postpartum with my first. I was prepared with the meds the MOMENT my second was born. My only regret I was scared to breast feed even though the doctor said it was ok and I didn't.
123. Nicole said:
Good for you for recognizing that you needed some help and doing something about it. Not like you need any affirmation, but I did want to say that I made the decision to go back on an anti-depressant that I had gone off of in my third trimester after just a few weeks off. Wasn't worth it. AND I am breastfeeding.
124. Anonymous said:
I am in the middle of your book right now...and I am SOOO glad to hear that things are going so much better this time! Your post made me happy. I worry at times that I will have a hard time when I have a baby...but you give me hope that I can handle anything that comes my way. Congratulations again to you and Jon. I look forward to hearing more about little Marlo! :)
125. Jill said:
I, too, chose to breastfeed while taking my meds and all is just fine. My little man just turned 1 and I got through the first year with my sanity intact. That's really all you can ask, right?s
126. Anonymous said:
Wish I would have sought help. It's hard going through it alone and thinking that people will make fun of you if you do tell them about what's going on in your head. Thanks for your bravery.
127. Hollie said:
Congrats, Dooce. The most important thing is to be a good, HEALTHY mother. You are doing the right thing - listening to a good doctor. So happy you've found something that works for you.
128. Jenn said:
I'm glad to hear that you're doing all right. Take care, Heather. :)
129. jen said:
I'm so glad you are doing better and I am so glad you continue to write so eloquently about ppd. I think many women struggle with it and yet feel as though it is somehow their fault and don't tell anyone about it. Leta and Marlo are such lucky girls to have such a strong mother to look up to.
130. Middle Aged Woman said:
Fuckin' AWESOME. There's some dooce CAPS for ya.
131. Feisty said:
I'm so happy to hear that it made me tear up. I'm not a crier :)
Congratulations :)
132. Lady K said:
You are hee-larious.
And very very wise.
And very lucky to have a good strong network of support around you.
Enjoy it all.
133. Michael said:
I am SO, SO GLAD that you all are doing well. Thanks for keeping us all posted!
134. Jamie said:
Yay! So glad to hear from you and that everything is going well and you're getting everything you need. Now whip up that empowering natural birth story- I need to read it asap while this boy kicks me in the ribs and liver over and over.
Aaaannnnd I just failed my captcha and had to write this over. I'm not a robot, I swear.
135. Tasha said:
This is wonderful and congratulations to the whole family. I would love to see/hear a video of Marlo yelling. You know what I'm hearing in my head by the way you described it? That goat that yells like a man on youtube!
136. Randi said:
i am so happy for you... and i wish you and your family the very best!! you are FANTASTIC and are doing a wonderful job!!!
137. Anonymous said:
Bravo, Heather, Bravo!
Thanks for letting us in on this. Lots of love to your whole family.
138. Lisa said:
I was just thinking this morning of you and wondering what your mental state has been like over the past 2 weeks. I am thrilled you saw THE DOCTOR and you are able to enjoy your time with Marlo and all she adds to the mix. I am insanely jealous of the post you wrote about your new, and surprisingly deeper, emotions involving Leta. I desperately want a second child, but my body won't let me do it anymore. Your book was wonderful and made me cry outloud in some parts with that, "Yes, yes, me too!" yell.
I thought panic attacks were normal when you have a newborn, and you are telling us, that no, they really are not. Thank you for that.
139. Richelle said:
Heather, you are amazing! Thank you for talking about your experiences. It makes it so much easier to deal with what I'm going through now. I'm 19 weeks pregnant, and last week was diagnosed with Gestational Depression. My family doctor didn't want to prescribe anything because he is not familiar with what could harm the baby. I was able to get an appointment with the physiatrist that treated me for post partum after I had my daughter and we will discuss what medication I can take that will not harm my child. He specializes in PPD and will know exactly how to help me.
140. Ann said:
Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
141. Dawn said:
GOOD FOR YOU!!! You go, girl!!!!!!!
142. Nelking said:
Isn't cool when you know what's wrong and you can deal with it?
Yes, you must record the yelling...
143. Anonymous said:
Just want to chime in with my own Thank You for writing so honestly and publicly about post partum anxiety (which is connected to but not the exact same thing as ppdepression). I had terrible anxiety after I gave birth to my twins, and it took several doctors over a year to find the right medication to get things under control. I am still angry that it took so long to feel better -- really, that first year was just miserable and I did not enjoy much of it at all. But I feel great now (my twins are 2 1/2) and I am very open with friends, etc. about my experience because it shouldn't be a taboo. I wish you the very best with your new family.
144. Julia said:
I do not think you are poisoning your baby. In fact, I think you are doing the absolute best thing for your baby and yourself. Hang in there!
145. Shaunna said:
YAY! You so deserve to feel this way. Congrats and don't let the haters convince you that you're doing anything wrong. You're taking care of your family, and most importantly, YOURSELF!
146. Moya said:
Heather, if you are feeling like a "regular person who has an infant and can handle it" then you are doing better than most of the "regular" persons out there. Infants are hard to deal with!
I had my second baby last spring, in a foreign country, with no family around, and because of what I read on your blog I found myself in my Obgyn's office the first week I was back in the US telling him that I loved the baby, but never wanted to leave my flat. Medication quickly followed, and continued thru the horrible winter. Thank you for showing me that there was a way out of the darkness...
Wishing you & Jon all the happiness in the world, and I hope that Leta is enjoying Marlo as much as ours are enjoying eachother...
147. sassypriscilla said:
Heather, I am happy you got help and that you are feeling better. I am happy that life is so good for you, too. When I saw the title of your post, I thought Oh dear! I knew exactly where it was leading.
I suffer from anxiety brought on by my son's health problems. He had 4 heart surgeries in almost 3 years, the first 3 in his first 6 months of life. He is 6 now and doing great but I haven't recovered so I finally started seeing a therapist. One of the things she has taught me that I thought I would share with you when it comes to anxiety is to let it in. When you feel it coming, welcome it in. Say, "oh it is you again." That way, you don't suppress it and it doesn't become a battle in your body to keep it down. It just arrives and fizzles. It has really helped me.
I hope your medications continue to help you and look forward to reading more about your family.
148. MikeWJ said:
I did wake up in a bed of liquid chocolate next to a supermodel once, and it's not everything it's cracked up to be, trust me. But I'm very glad you're feeling good about baby this go 'round. And thanks for being so open about the postpartum depression, too. It helps a lot of people, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes notwithstanding.
149. Stenar said:
I'm glad you got into that doctor and are doing well now.
150. famousamy said:
Thank you for keeping us up-to-date on your experience and or telling it like it is. I am one of many who have been touched by your ongoing story.
151. Stacey said:
Good for you. Good for yours. "Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." You have so much more than something. Right on...
152. Candace said:
You are a very HONEST, REAL woman who puts a face on inspiration! Thank you!
153. Kristan said:
:)
Once again, the brave Dooce we know and love. Not that you went anywhere, just saying, you're shining brighter today than usual.
Now give Marlo a kiss for Teh Internets!
154. Melissa said:
Even though I've never gone through post partum depression, but have lived through depression & anxiety (and also take medication daily) your description of the anxiety is so amazingly accurate. I try to describe to people what I feel like when I don't take my meds. They don't get it. YOU get it! Strangers on the Internet Get it! I am SO thankful to have your blog to read!!
155. Anonymous said:
you go, girl.
Look at it this way -- whatever it is that causes the black cloud to come and eat your head -- whether it's a chemical aberration or whatever. It's the stuff that is NOT normal.
With doctors and medication, you ARE normal (well...whatever your definition of normal is, but you know what I mean).
So you owe no explanation or apology to anyone for choosing to be NORMAL.
Glad you have the strength to give the intarwebs the finger and do what you need to do to make the four of you happy.
156. aussiechic said:
Well done chic. You know at least you have people who share your experience and can relate......
I had to have a blood patch done because the hospital screwed up my epidural - no bloody joke - they went too far and pierced the epidurum straight into my spinal fluid and column and made a hole so that my spinal fluid actually leaked out - the only fix??? A bloody nightmare called a blood patch.....has anyone else out there ever had one of these?????
It only happens to one in 2000 people........and yep, I drew the short straw.....
157. Ada said:
Wonderful, awesome, terrific... so glad you got the help you needed as quickly as you did so that you don't have to miss a moment of joy in this experience.
Thanks for your candor and spirit...
158. kate said:
You've empowered MANY women with this post. Glad to hear you are well, that you managed to site the problems and then know what to do, face it and address it! You have a healthy and gorgeous family Heather! xoxo
159. Lisa said:
Good for you! You did the right thing........there is no reason to suffer through this when there is SO much help available! Enjoy that baby!
160. Kim W. said:
Glad to hear. And... thank you. I hope you know how many you've helped with your writing and honesty and humor and all that.
161. Kara said:
I am ECSTATIC that you are enjoying Marlo! My sister-in-law experienced the same anxiety with her 2nd child and the pain had its grip on her for 10 months. That was 10 months she could have been enjoying her baby but wasn't. Kuddos to you for recognizing the problem and having the humility to admit it existed so that it could be resolved. You're an inspiration to all mothers out there who want to love their baby but can't!
162. Amanda said:
I've just recently been turned on to your blog--and I gotta say--I like you! Just the kind of refreshing honesty I need in my day. I'm glad you're feeling better--I've been there, and relief certainly didn't come that quickly. Good luck to you!
163. Sadie said:
You must get this yelling on video! Marlo is adorable btw. Thanks for sharing all the cute pictures : ]
164. Leesavee said:
Heather, I am so happy for you that you got the help you needed and that you've been bonding so well with Marlo. What a gift!
And those 19-year-olds need to know that our delicate flowers don't come naturally waxed. Thank you for that important public service.
165. Mama V said:
Rockin'! Good for you!
166. Hokie Deb said:
-->Take the drugs and enjoy the time with the newest member of your family.
I realize in talking to more and more of my "new-Mom" friends that we never talk about post-partum depression. Ridiculous!
http://www.WebSavyMom.com
167. Kristy Merrill said:
Yay Heather! Enjoy. Every. Minute. (even the poop filled ones)
168. Beanie said:
Yay!!
I'm so glad you posted this!! I'm also glad your new meds are working and you don't have to miss ANYTHING!
169. Leslie M said:
Heather I am so glad you share this part of your life, even though it opens you up to such harsh and cruel judgment from perfect strangers.
A few years ago my mother was telling me a story about some people she goes to church with. Their daughter had been hospitalized with PPD and they thought she was doing much better. Sadly, one day about 6 mos. or so after her baby was born, this poor tortured young woman drove to a Sheetz, bought a can of gasoline and went out into the woods. She doused herself in gas and set herself on fire. It was a horrific tragedy and she so loved her child. She even left her a note.
The care women get for PPD (and mental health in general) is sorely lacking in my state. It would be fantastic if you doctor would write a book about his treatment! Possibly other physicians could learn from it! Good Luck to you and Jon! You are good people doing your best to live your lives. Just like the rest of us.
170. Susie said:
AWESOME.
171. Pam said:
I did not have PPD with my first child, so when it popped up with my second I had no idea what to do! Thankfully, I had doctors who also helped me get back to my normal again very quickly. Thank you for sharing your story, Dooce!
172. Vee said:
I'm so glad you're doing well. Thank you for being so open and honest. I re-read your entire blog and I cried and laughed and am so grateful you're not afraid to talk about depression.
Love to you and your beautful family.
173. Alyxherself said:
I get how much you understate with humor, and I think that is why the need-a-sledgehammer-to-get-it crowd gives you grief. They just don't understand, comprehend...they just dont get it.
Bits said what I wanted to, that the body has A FILTRATION SYSTEM ppl.
Jeez.
You go be a good mom, and cool person, and loving wife :) And hey, thanks for all the years here, and doing what you do. You're like a fun public service announcement for common sense.
174. tracy said:
You can count me among those who have been wondering (caring) how you're doing post-birth, but I didn't want to be the one millionth person to ask you.
Heather, I am so, so glad you are feeling good again & are enjoying gorgeous Marlo. For people like us that need them, meds are a wonderful thing.
You & I spoke briefly in Portland about my similar experience (you even let me hug you), and after years & years of trying different meds, or thinking that my issues were just me, that violent mood swings were just a part of who I was, or denying that I really was depressed, I now have a referral from my doctor to see a psychiatrist about being bi-polar. When I told my mom, she said ~ are you sure it's not just postpartum? (my "baby" is 14 months old) So many people just don't understand what it's like to feel this way, so I thank you, again, for being brave & giving others the strength to be brave, too.
175. Sally said:
Not only am I not going to pick on you for taking meds and breastfeeding, I want to know what you're taking and I'd like you to overnight be a month's supply! :-) I don't even have a newborn! But you sound like you found the perfect medicinal cocktail that takes most people somewhere between and year and never to find, and by people, I mean me.
176. Anonymous said:
you just made me cry - and I am not pregnant or postpartum - I am sooooo happy for you. Enjoy your family :-)
177. Erica Hennings said:
Awesome! Glad to see that when you "tripped" you acted like it was nothing and just jogged for a few steps like anyone else who trips in public! Medicine is a wonderful thing and you should feel no shame in getting help. Screw what everyone else thinks!
Glad things are going great. Waiting anxiously to hear about the labor and miracle of it all.
Much Love from Memphis,
E
178. Jenny said:
I don't normally comment but I just had to on this one. I found your blog a year ago. I loved it so much that I started at the beginning and read forward.
I applaud you for doing what needs to be done to keep yourself healthy. Luckily this time you knew what to watch for and were able to jump on it early. Don't listen to the negative people out there. Only you can decide what is right for you.
As a dedicated reader, I want to say congratulations and please know that your readers are so happy that everyone is doing well!
179. Halala Mama said:
It's good that this time you were able to recognize the signs and were able to get competent help immediately. I was ok after my son was born, but I am still grateful that my doctor talk to me frankly about PPD and made it clear that if I needed help he was there. Good doctors are a great gift.
180. Anonymous said:
My newborn is 10 days old today.....named Marley (as in Bob Marley). Many congrats and glad I have company in the world of sleep deprivation.
181. Stacy Wittmann said:
I'm so happy to hear that you are doing okay. Thanks for writing.
182. Heather said:
Amen girl. You need to take care of yourself in order take care of your baby. You are inspiring.
183. Amy said:
I am so very happy for you. Happy that you took the step and went to the doctor. Happy he could help you and happy that you're adjusting. I've been thinking of you and your brood and hoping everything was fine. I'm so glad it is.
184. Sara Houston said:
Tears, woman! You give me tears like only that movie P.S. I Love You can give me. Mazel tov to you, Jon, Leta, Chuck, Coco and, certainly not least, Marlo. I am so happy for you and this new, great experience.
185. Erin K said:
I'm glad things are going well. I'm SO glad you went right to the Dr when you were having a problem.
You are always funny.
Love you.
186. Andreerah said:
I want to hug you right now, is that weird? In a totally platonic way, of course. I read your book shortly after giving birth and have read your blog for ages, partially because I can relate so much to your anxiety/panic/depression issues. Fortunately, I avoid postpartum depression or any other issues. Anyway, big hugs to your family and my little guy has a big dimple like that too!
187. Laura said:
Be happy!
188. Jen said:
No one should have a problem for you being pro-active. No one. I am happy for all of you...and that little Marlo is just too much for words.
189. jennifer said:
It's amazing that you are willing to share this experience. I know there are so many women who go through the same thing after birth but don't get help. I think your writing will educate women to know that there is a way to get and feel better. Thanks for sharing.
190. CRah said:
Holy crap. I read this post, and there were 147 comments. I checked out two (just TWO!) pictures, came back to make a comment, and it jumped by 32 comments more to 179!
I'm sure by the time I'm done typing this comment, I'll be # two bajillion and eight, but that's okay.
Your baby is beautiful. And I'm glad you're fully able to enjoy this experience on such a sane level.
191. Liz said:
Fantastic! I'm glad to hear you're feeling well and adjusting to a new little baba! She's gorgeous! Enjoy!
192. Valarie said:
Been there with panic attacks...hell on earth. All I can say is good for you...you go sister...right on...congrats...and all other good, supportive stuff. You helped me to stop feeling like a freak for what I went through after my 2nd was born, and what's great is I know I don't even have to tell you how invaluable that is. Thank you thank you thank you.
193. grimsaburger said:
Hooray! That first 48 hours after natural childbirth were awesome and amazing. And then I came home and wept because things I needed were upstairs and I was downstairs and I'd been told to make no more than three trips up and down the stairs daily. And also, I realized I was suddenly terribly incompetent for this thing I'd undertaken, you know, the whole responsibility for another life thing. Panic! Fortunately, I was able to trudge through the first two weeks by promising myself that I'd feel better the next day, the next day, and the next day, and damned if it didn't turn out to be true. I feel incredibly lucky that it happened like this for me--five weeks in, and I feel exactly like my old self. I could do with a bit more sleep, however...
I'm so very glad you were knowledgeable and confident enough to be able to nip the horror show in the bud this time. I know you don't blog to be an example for others, but what a wonderful example you are to women who are hesitant for whatever reason to ask for help in an incredibly fragile time.
194. Cyn said:
To #32 "anonymous": It's and THEN I cried, you absolute idiot. If you can't speak English, why should anyone take you seriously?
Heather, I'm so glad to hear that you're doing so well and the girls are beyond beautiful. I think one of the many things that makes depression so powerful is the shame that our society has attached to it. You are doing so much for women (and men) everywhere by being upfront about your experiences. We really need you. Thank you for your honesty, you are an amazing woman.
195. the niffer said:
I'm so fucking happy for you that I can't help but type these!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pain-med-free birth is the best drug I've ever had. And I did a few drugs back in the day. ;)
196. Kate said:
Good for you, Heather. I'm so glad to hear that things are going well for you this time around.
In other news, I think my daughter-to-be (due July 30) will be named Marlowe. :) It occurred to me after we chose it that you have a Marlo, too!
197. Erika said:
Good for you.
And (this isn't directed at you, Heather, this is directed at anyone who's reading this & wondering about drug safety for themselves) if anyone out there is wondering if it's safe to take a certain medication while pregnant or b/f'ing, there's a book called "Drugs in pregnancy and lactation" that can give you answers. If you can't find it, call the medical library at your state univ., and have one of the librarians look things up for you.
Kiss that baby. And don't do what I did at 10 days ppt, and have a dream in the middle of the night that you're eating an onion (?) and wake only to find that you bit her on the forehead. Just sayin'.
198. Jen said:
I love you. When you share these stories with me it makes me feel less alone. And it makes me feel like I can get through each day. Because you can do it, I can do it, too.
Thank you for sharing your story.
199. Rhonda said:
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! Thank you for sharing your life with us.
200. Katie said:
Oh, Heather, you make me cry! Then again, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and Tylenol commercials make me cry...but I digress. I'm so proud of you; you really give me hope for myself once my little one makes its entrance. Thanks for being so honest (and funny!). You're such a good person.
201. Jess said:
I also started reading your blog from the beginning a while ago, and I must say this is amazing to read. I'm so happy that you are having such a great experience this time around--congratulations to the whole family!
202. Dusty said:
GO YOU!!
203. alison said:
i have suffered from panic attacks for a few years, and luckily take medicine to keep them pretty much out of my life. however, when i do have an attack, it is all-encompassing and horribly, horribly frightening. if someone hasn't had a panic attack, they really cannot even comprehend how bad it is. good for you for being able to take charge of the situation so quickly. even 1 minute of an attack is enough to make someone look for their doctor for a solution. i'm very happy for you!
204. Michelle said:
I'll join in with the many others and say I am so very glad that you have found some help and relief, and that you are savoring this special time with Marlo that you can't ever get back. It must help you come to terms with not having it be as joyful after Leta was born. I also suffered from almost crippling anxiety after my second child was born. I soooo wish I'd sought out help like you did. Wasn't expecting it, didn't really know what it was actually. I watch videos of by son's newborn days and weeks and have no physical memory of it at all. I grieve for the loss of that time, but am thankful at least for the pictures and videos.
Applause for you also for making an informed decision about continuing to breastfeed. The benefits of breastfeeding to you BOTH far outweigh the risks of literally life-saving meds that you're taking.
Can't wait to read more of your family-of-four happenings!
205. lisa c. said:
so glad to hear that things are going well for you.
206. Kristina said:
I am so happy for you. And Jon. And Leta. And Marlo. And the dogs. So, so happy.
207. Shelly Kang said:
yay, Dooce! I don't comment here often, but I'm very happy for you and your family. The second time around was a lot better in my family, too. You're going to love it. I love it when my younger one does something that made me want to pull my hair out with the first, and I naturally find it funny this time around. Congratulations on everything.
208. Dena said:
I would love to hear more about your natural birth experience. I am due any day now and am planning the same.
209. kate setzer kamphausen said:
I AM SO GLAD!!!!! Hooray!!!
210. Dorie said:
Thank you for your candor. In mentioning my postpartum depression with my first child to a friend today, they responded that they were surprised that I had a second child. My children are 4 years apart and that has almost everything to do with the depression first time around. Wish I had THE DOCTOR, the first time around. I would have done anything to have the near instantaneous change in mental health you describe. Good to hear you did and are saner for it.
Best wishes to you Jon and Leta. Words cannot describe how sweet your little Marlo is. Almost makes me want to do it again.
211. tracy said:
PS ~ when I told my doctor I felt weak for needing medication, that I thought it was taking the easy way out (my health insurance doesn't cover mental health, and I can't afford to continue with therapy), she told me the easy way out would be to NOT take care of my daughter. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Only you (and your doctor) knows what's best for you, so screw anyone that tries to tell you differently.
PPS, when my husband finished reading your book, he FINALLY understood what it was like to be me. Thank you for that. You are my goddess.
212. AmyElle said:
I am envious, but oh so incredibly overjoyed you are getting this experience.
213. dimplecheek said:
Go Dooce! You know what is best for you and your baby, so don't even worry about the crackpots and their opinions.
So happy to hear things are going well!
LOVE THE DIMPLE!
214. Kristina said:
Please. You do what you need to, and anyone who feels secure enough in their place in heaven to try and judge you...well, they can go to hell. Marlo is beautiful (chin! dimple!), I'm glad you're getting the meds you need, and yeah, not to hate but reading about stitches in your vagina as well as another person I know having random rectal bleeding postpartum is the best birth control ever. They should show high schoolers what happens down there when you have a kid, and I am telling you: abstinence training would totally fly.
215. TheresaG said:
Hi- I am new to your site and have only been lurking for about two weeks.
Thank you so much for writing about this.
Now I have to go to Amazon and see if your book is available on Kindle!
216. Suzie said:
Fantastic post--so glad you are all doing well, and that you have gotten yourself the assist you need. Marlo is adorable, can't wait to see more family photos! Kudos to you.
217. Stephanie said:
I am so glad that you have found something that works for you. Keep enjoying your incredibly precious baby.
218. Jenn said:
Excellent! I'm so glad you are in a happy place. Who cares if it's because of meds.....at least your family is happy and functioning and you are pleased with it all. THAT'S what counts. Good for you!! :)
219. Dani said:
Just adding my voice to the avalanche of support.
You do whatever you have to to keep yourelf & your family healthy. It's no ones business but yours if you take meds or what kind and if you've got a happy healthy baby then what you're doing is right for you.
Why do other people think the way they did it is the ONLY way? Why?
You've been a big inspiration to me & I'm sure millions of other Moms.
220. ShannahfrmCT said:
YEAH! for a mom who knows that if you dont take care of you you cant take care of your family! Just shows what a great mom/woman/wife you are~!
221. Aga said:
I also had crippling, god-awful depression and anxiety after my son's birth which, untreated, went on for SIX YEARS. God. I just started taking meds two months ago and it's exactly what you've written about: it gave me my life back and the best part is, I feel like a normal person doing normal-person things. I, too, smile now when my son emits eardrum-scorching shrieks, instead of running out the door in tears, like I used to.
Your sharing your story is such a gift--to me and probably countless women out there, alone, sad and scared, feeling like freaks and failures in their illness. The more of us speak out, the easier it will be to separate our SELVES from our disease.
Thank you.
222. Greta said:
What wonderful news that your doc was able to help you so quickly! Marlo is absolutely adorable and you deserve to be able to enjoy her without distraction ;). Leta is quite adorable too. I hope she's loving her new little sis.
223. Kristi said:
I'm so happy that you are doing okay. It is rough going from one to two kids to begin with but to add depression on to it-whew! You are amazing to take it on. The good things for you are that you have Jon home with you and Leta is at an age where she is totally self sufficiant. I have 3 kids ages 4, 2 and just 1 on Sunday and if I would have had any kind of depression like you did I don't think I would have made it. I'm so happy you're enjoying this time around. Good luck with everything. You are an inspiration on so many levels.
-Kristi
ps screw the people who think you're poisoning your baby. I'm sure she'll be fine. If nothing else, the meds could be making her a very happy baby!
224. Cris said:
Congratulations. Thank you. And hugs :)
225. Stephanie said:
congratulations!
226. carla said:
I don't know what you are on but I'm sure you are not poisoning your Marlo. I was on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication when I got pregnant. I asked my doctor if I should go off them. He was of the impression that a calmer, healthier pregnant woman would be a healthier one AND staying on the meds would help prevent post-partum. I even nursed for 6 months, all while on meds. My son is now a happy, healthy, normal 4 year old and I am a happy, healthy mom. I'm sure the best thing for your girls is a healthy, sane mother. You are absolutely doing the right thing.
227. Anonymous said:
Everything in it's right place...amazing. You're doing a great job!
228. kim said:
this post is going to help so many new moms.
thanks for telling your story.
229. erik said:
i think you are such a terrific mother and what you are doing should be applauded. i'm glad you are out there sharing your voice so that others can learn!
also? marlo is GORGEOUS.
230. Emily said:
That's awesome! Good for you!
231. Corinna Lyons-Revello said:
Hi there. I have given you an award on my blog if you'd like to come check it out! :) P.S. As a mom who has been to the dark side and back postpartum, glad to hear you're doing okay :) Corinna
232. Serial said:
@ 32
Your grammar sucks. So suck it.
233. Heather said:
Huge ass congratulations to you!! Wonderful news..thanks for sharing!
234. Anonymous said:
Glad things are getting better. I know that with all of my kiddos birth, about day 3 is when the lightning struck. I laughed (because crying was the only other option) at your description because it sounds exactly like mine. Luckily a doctor in MY docs practice specialized in postpartum depression and hooked me up with an estrogen patch (something about the sudden drop off of hormones to blame). After a day I was back to my only slightly neurotic self. It's nice to hear that I wasn't alone and that you've found some relief.
235. Val said:
Great news - it's amazing how if you know something might happen, when it does - you are prepared and not too freaked out about it. I'm glad you are enjoying the first days with Marlo. Love your description of her shouts! Hee Hee!
236. Anonymous said:
Dude.
you're awesome.
and you need to write another book.
because when i read your writing, I don't cringe, I laugh.
and then some.
237. Amy said:
Good, good, good for you and yours. So very happy for your family, and as always, thankful that you continue to share with us! It seems absurd, but just by reading your work I feel so much more prepared for the possibilities that we'll face when we do get around to trying to have kids. I truly appreciate that you continue to put it all out there for us.
238. sanya said:
In my study of psychology, I criticize psychiatrists a lot because many of them tend to overprescribe psychiatric medication to people who could benefit from therapy. It's situations like yours that make me thank humanity for psychiatric medication.
239. Ally said:
So very happy for you, and I hope (know) that this will help many other new mothers.
240. Constance said:
..."No, I'm not going to talk about what I'm taking because one, it's no one's business, and two, I don't care that you think I'm poisoning my baby. I also think that anyone going through this needs to consult their own doctor and make an informed, personal decision about their individual situation. And then go on and live a better, happier life."
YES, yes, yes, yes -- excellent message and congratulations on your beautiful little one.
241. t. said:
i'm so happy for you. EVERYTIME i read ur entry from when you went to the hospital and the entry you had jon type from you when you were in the hospital, i bawl my eyes out. if feels so familiar and really touches me. i'm so happy you are feeling better after tweaking ur med. i want to beg and plead w/u to email me or tell us on dooce.com what ur taking. i know u sd u won't and that's fine, i totally get it. but i had to at least ask. i've tried med after med after med and nothing really works great. maybe i just need to let the med work good enough and not perfect. i also realize we are 2 different people w/different chemistry, but you never know, maybe it would work for me too. wish you could type it in code, i.e. lamictal and prozac = L&M, so only people who struggle like you and i do could figure out the codes :-). anyway, i see that you have to enter ur email address now to leave a comment, so i've done that. if you ever feel comfortable enough to email i would greatly appreciate it. again congratulations, i'm so happy for you, jon, leta and marlo. oh and chuck and coco. xoxo
242. Sara said:
Glad you are doing so well!
If you are willing, I would love for you to email that doc's name. I'm in southern Utah, 15 weeks pregnant with a history of depression and I'm terrified of the postpartum thing. I'd love to talk to him about what I can be doing over the next 5 months or so to make this as okay as possible.
243. wheezer345 said:
Happy to see you have things under control. Keep up the good work!
244. Splat! said:
I don't have children but, I was recently speaking to my shrink and she mentioned that studies have indicated that a pregnant or breast feeding mother taking medication is far less dangerous or damaging to a child, as opposed to the crazy hormones and depression that a mother might be experiencing. I think whatever you doing is great, for your children, but more importantly for you. I hope you find your balance and that or family remain healthy and happy.
245. JenW said:
Hi Heather...
So glad everything is getting nipped in the bud this time. I truly wished I knew you and your site when I was going through this exact thing 6 years ago. My second baby arrived beautifully healthy after I stayed on my meds during his pregnancy two years ago.
After reading your archives and your book, I am so relieved that you are there for OTHER mothers that are embarrassed, scared and pissed at what they are going through. You give this crap (PPD) a name and then kick the shit out of it, so other women can be brave, too. You are really helping so many people along with helping yourself... this blog stuff really rocks all around!
...and kudos on the mascara.
Jen
246. Diane said:
Heather, I'm so glad that you got to the doctor and you're feeling so much better. You're doing the right thing--what's right for you and your family. Cherish every moment while your kids are young!
247. Jelly_Beans said:
Your blog, your world rather always pulls me back in and though I stray and don't read it all the time, when I do, its just WOW. So glad is going well with baby Marlo, she is an adorable glow bunny and Leta, well she seems a pretty great little kid too.
248. Amanda said:
It's wonderful to hear you're doing so well and have a great ally in your doctor. Thank you thank you for sharing all that you do, you are an amazing lady and mom.
249. Shelley said:
Heather, thank you for speaking the truth. I am constantly moved by your painful, wrenching honesty, and I am profoundly grateful that you share it with all of us.
250. Sharlene said:
Heather, that's really great that you were able to catch it so soon. I'm sure finding out little Marlo had jaundice really didn't help the situation. But it sounds like both of you are doing great now, so congrats on that! I'm really curious how Leta has been adjusting the last couple of weeks or so, and look forward to seeing pictures of them together.
251. jen said:
you are brave and wonderful! you go girl!
252. Shelly said:
Great! I'm glad things are going better for you this time around. and please keep posting those adorable Marlo pictures, I can't wait to see one of Marlo and Leta Together!
253. Amy said:
I am SO glad for you! Hooray for your doctor! Hooray for modern medicine! Hooray hooray hooray!!
I, too, had PPD with #1 and had meds with #2 and it was a whole different experience. It was the experience it should've been with #1 all along. You and I both deserve it, but more than that, our KIDS deserve to have sane mommies.
I haven't read the comments, but if anyone says anything about poisoning anyone I will personally shit on their front porch in the shape of the letters "STFU!!!!"
Not-Maria is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, and that includes mine, and that's saying something. Actually, she reminds me a lot of my first baby, with that round head and the huge eyes. (You know that's the highest compliment in mom-dom, right? Your baby looks like mine? Because everyone's baby is the prettiest baby she's ever seen...)
Enjoy every minute.
Amy
254. Shawnna said:
You are an inspirtation!
I just weaned my 6 month old this week... I haven't told anyone. Only my husband knows...because I just don't want to HEAR IT from the formula is the devil people!
255. KC said:
I'm so happy to read this!! Congratulations again.
256. amy j. said:
I am BEYOND relieved, happy and proud of you!
I knew you could do it...no problemo!
First time was just a run through. This time, it's the big peformance and you got your lines down baby...DOWN!!!!!!
Hug your clan for me in congrats and relief.
This will make you write another book, about how wonderful having two daughters is. Believe, me I know. Mine made my life! Enjoy Heather.
257. Anonymous said:
You are so courageous and I could never thank you enough for your honesty. I struggled with depression my entire life, however it raised its ugly head to stay when I was in my second trimester. It only grew uglier from then on and I was a mess after my daughter was born. It was so bad, that her daddy and I didn't make it to her third birthday together. By then, so much damage...so much pain, made it unbearable for us to be together. I consider it a blessing to have found you and your story. My daughter is five and I am still battling depression and severe anxiety. Yes, I've been on meds and off again. Presently, I'm back on...and I've struggled with this. But I feel better just knowing I'm not "crazy" or some sort of circus freak! This is a Womens health issue and needs to be dealt with accordingly and with honesty. Sounds like you have a great doctor. I'm working on trying to find the right combo of meds for myself. Hope I'll get there someday...
Blessings to you and your beautiful family. I was too scared to have a second and now I'm 43...and there's no daddy...but I celebrate your victory with you and just knowing that there is a way out!!! Thank you, wonderful girl.
258. Janet Ford said:
Congrats, you all deserve the happiness!
259. Sharon B said:
Go Heather, GO, and fuck em' all that disagree. Just had my own meds tweaked a couple of weeks ago, and whadda ya know, I feel AWESOME. I can climb that mountain, and knock it down with my left boob, if I want to!
260. SarahW said:
So glad you talk about this openly. Under normal circumstances I have Anxiety disorder and depression that I take meds for. I haven't been on them since I got pregnant and aside from worrying, I've held it together pretty well. But I am anticipating an avalanche of emotion/anxiety and panic after the baby is born...just because the odds are stacked against me already. So my husband, doctor and I are on high alert for symptoms. I also want to be able to enjoy my newborn without the irrational bullshit that anxiety/panic/depression can render. Thanks again Heather!
261. Dalya said:
As a long-time lurker, so very glad you are doing well!
You have to take care of yourself before you're able to take care of anyone else, so power to you for staying on the meds!
Drugs are good, mmmkay :)
262. Jasmine said:
I love it. I'm so glad that you are doing well and taking action to make sure you are staying healthy for you and your family. And I LOVE that you are maintaining some sense of privacy and telling the haters to suck it. Your family, your decisions. Just because you have an extraordinarily popular website does not make you open and available to any Judgy McJudgerson who happens to stop by.
Love it.
263. Kate said:
There's absolutely no reason for a woman to endure post partum (or any) depression when there is medication that works for her. My second child is 4 months old, and Lexapro is making for a very different experience than the first time around. I'm not sure I even knew how bad off I was until I started taking it, but I certainly know how happy I am now! I don't EVER want to go off it.
264. Vickie said:
I can hardly speak or write with tiredness right now, and everything i do is one handed, because of the baby (Alice) that is permanently attached to me. I love her more than anything, but sometimes it feels too much. Reading your blog gave me the strength to go to the doctor and get the help our family needed.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You've helped one woman in Australia more than you will ever know x
265. Anonymous said:
Ode to the great and powerful Heather....I just realized that you have to say these things because it makes YOU feel like you're a worthy person. But you're still the same ole smelly used douchebag you always were. I was hoping that maybe you'd end it all this time around, but I guess I was wrong. Please post a photo of the little titsucker at work, we can't wait. Blah. You make me sad.
266. Sheila said:
So happy for you, for Jon, for Leta, and of course for Marlo. Good on you for sharing your story again. I wish you good health and more laughter as Marlo grows.
267. Gabi said:
I'm SO happy for you and your family! You are a brave mama, I hope all mothers would be as responsible and caring as you are. You go and do everything in your power to take care of -and enjoy- your two little girls. There is nothing wrong with that.
Thanks Heather for sharing your life with us!
268. Rachel said:
Twizzlers & 100 dollar bills?! You need to go into home-decorating and come to my house first. But only if you meant Pull n' Peel.
269. Anonymous said:
So happy for you heather! Thank you for your honesty- its so refreshing. Marlo is stunning. Glad you are feeling better.
270. tara whitney said:
i am happy for you.
271. bohica said:
It doesn't matter if there are those who will criticize what you do. What matters is that you continue to share this story with those who might need it. Your voice may touch just one soul who doesn't understand what's going on inside her body/mind, and make a difference.
I'm a tough bitch ~ I don't break into spontaneous tears when I read blogs. But each time I read about your ongoing battle with mental illness and your absolute refusal to give in to that damned black hole that threatens to eat 25% of us, I want to slap you on the back and take you for a latte (or whatever it is you drink). I wish you'd been around when I started down MY road; your humour might have made things just a bit easier for me.
272. Jess said:
First of all, I am not even going to attempt to read the 260-some comments before mine....
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for this post! I am 7 months pregnant with my first and after reading this post, I feel very comfortable about asking for help if I ever feel like that. :) I am so glad that you received the help you needed and can now continue on, happily, with your new family.
Congrats on your beautiful baby girl!
273. Anonymous said:
You are totally right is isn't anyones bussiness and if they don't agree with you let them stand in line I'm sure they aren't alone..I just wish I would of known some of this stuff 16 yrs ago.I struggled with the same stuff after my daughter was born...I think you are awesome and you are a better mom cause you are taking care of yourself..
274. Anne said:
I'm sorry you had to go through those bad days, but I'm so glad you managed to see the good doctor, the one with the good advice and the good meds.
And: what everyone else said - thank you for your honesty. Please don't stop.
275. Sara said:
This post made me heart so happy for you and your family. I too, read your book, and I remember thinking that your words were simply the most beautiful tribute to Motherhood and that powerful, gripping love that comes rushing in, that I'd ever read. As a young Mother, they helped me find my way back. Thank you so much.
276. Krys said:
I had EXACTLY the same feeling of chocolate-supermodel-Twizzler-money awesomeness when I was able to get the baby, my husband and me all out the door on our very first day of me going back to work ON TIME. I AM SUPERWOMAN, hear me roar.
277. Jen said:
That is so totally and completely awesome!
278. Kristi W. said:
you are fucking amazing!!
279. Anfa said:
I'm so happy there is at least one person out there who is strong enough and ballsy enough to tell it like it is. If I need help after I give birth to my little girl, I'm going to follow your example and just go get it.
No excuses. No apologies.
There is just too bloody much that people are afraid to talk about (including stitches in the lady parts) and I think part of the reason I check your blog every day is because I really admire the fact that you challenge our stupid, restrictive conventions...that, and the fact that you make me laugh out loud on a regular basis.
280. kcn said:
How about a video of her with the yelling and obscenities bit? If you can catch it, that is....I'd love to hear it!
281. Vanessa said:
Heather, I am so happy that you are okay. Yes, I was a little worried about you, and the sporadic posting was making me wonder if you weren't SO overwhelmed.. Glad you're doing good.
282. starshine said:
Joy. JOY is what I feel after reading this post.
I read "It Sucked and then I Cried" about a month ago, and I'm so glad you went to the doctor when you did, and that the anxiety left you so quickly. What a God-send that doctor is!
283. Anonymous said:
I'm kind of surprised by how relieved I am - didn't realize I was so worried about you! Marlo is gorgeous - my kids ask to see new pics of her every night. I can't wait to read more and maybe even hear the yells?
284. Davida said:
That was beautiful. Thank you.
285. Leslie said:
God, Heather, I love you. Thank you for continuing to talk about this. It's one of the very few things that makes me feel better about having to be on medication for depression.
Congratulations to you, Jon and Leta. And much love.
286. trish said:
You bring tears to my eyes when you talk about motherhood. I only hope that I can one day be as eloquent as you, if for no other reason than so I do a better job of telling my child I love them than my mom did with me.
287. Jennifer said:
Good for you! Keep up the great work Heather, Marlo is adorable and your health is a priority. Don't let others tell you that it should come secondary to other things. Congratulations!!
288. Kelley said:
You inspire me. You really do. I am currently being weaned off Cymbalta (not a mommy, thank God as I go through this process) and I know what it's like to have anxiety, though not of the post-partum variety.
Thank you for your honesty. I look forward to reading your posts every day.
289. Karen said:
Sounds like you're doing well -- although, I gotta tell you, that post was a little manic. I'm sure it's just the giddiness of everything, though. (And can you post a video of Marlo screaming obscentities? That would be a hoot...)
290. Laura said:
Your killing me- my *baby* is eight years old and its all I can do not to attack my husband and have another baby right this minute! The part were you talk about loving Leta even more is what is really putting me over the edge! Not to mention that dimple-my daughter has one too. Precious! I'm so glad you are doing well and you recognized that something was off and got help. Take care of yourself and your beautiful family.
291. Jen M. said:
Great to hear you're laughing! I think a video is in order too!
292. muffintop said:
Not sure if you'll even have a minute to read this, but I just want to say thank you. I've struggled with depression for years, and had a horrible time with post-partum depression after my son was born 1 1/2 years ago. With the help of medication, I got back to being myself again. We are expecting our 2nd child in November, and although I feel more prepared to deal with the ppd that I will inevitably face again, it still terrifies me at times... I had great results with my medication after my son was born, and like you, I continued to breastfeed with my doctor's reassurance. Even with that past "success," I'm still occasionally gripped with fear about this next baby's arrival... Thanks so much for being so transparent about your experience - I am so encouraged after reading your post today.
293. Caren said:
I have been dying to hear how you're doing! So happy for you and your family and congrats to all. This is not really related but I wanted to let you know I can understand a little of what you've gone through. Recently my OB prescribed hormone therapy to get my period going again (why??? I'm 44 for crying out loud)...but oh my God, I became suicide depressed within days. I became angry at anyone I encountered, felt like I was someone else entirely. Amazing what hormones do to your brain chemistry and I'm so happy you got help. Me? I'll never take hormones again.
294. Chelsea said:
I'm glad to hear you are doing better! Good luck with the new meds.
295. Anonymous said:
Thank you for your courage on mental health issues and pregnancy. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago and I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I would be forever medicated. You give me so much hope! I am four months pregnant now with my second child and I have to take a small (dr. says its safe) cocktail to keep myself and the baby safe. Marlo is GORGEOUS and you are doing a great job!
296. Shelly said:
You are the epitome of courage and strength. Your words will help so many people...
Congratulations on beautiful Marlo! That dimple will break many hearts one day!!
297. TriptikGirl said:
I'm so happy for you! Good luck with everything, and screw everyone who thinks they have a right to tell what's best for you and your family.
298. Sara said:
I fell into the "baby blues" after my first son was born. I could sit on a couch and watch the seconds hand on the clock tick for HOURS. It occurred to me that it wasn't normal and I got help for it. At the time I hated taking the meds because I felt like I shouldn't need them, that something was wrong with me for not being able to handle it. I'm so glad that I was able to get over that feeling so that I could be a good mother. With my second and third children my doctor started me on meds in the 8th month and it wasn't an issue. Thank you for sharing with people that it's okay to seek help.
299. megan said:
Heather--
So glad you are doing well. I haven't had kids yet, but have dealt with depression and anxiety for a while. I think it's so great that you are sharing your experiences with people to let them know that there are other people dealing with this and that people can get through it. You kick ass.
300. momtotoomany said:
You my dear, ROCK!! Enjoy that little ball of lungs, you deserve it!!!