Wherein I'm just begging you to judge me
Leta and I enter her room after eating breakfast, and because I haven't slept in several days I forget the structure that we've implemented in order to get her to focus her attention on tasks that need to be completed before school. Recently we've been making a game out of getting dressed, timing her with our iPhones to see how fast she can switch out of her pajamas and into her clothes. I KNOW. The fun here NEVER ENDS. If I send you an invitation to our tooth-brushing game, you better RSVP the shit out of it.
So I've forgotten about the game and just say, "Leta, let's get dressed." And because she gets so distracted in the morning I might as well have said, "Je m'appelle le croissant."
She dives head first into bed, throws the covers over her head and plays dead. I've got little-to-no-patience at this point (insert reference to major project launch, ill-timed vasectomy, and baby who wakes up at 4:30AM since the time change) but I summon what I can and say, "Leta, I need your cooperation this morning. Get up and get dressed or I'm going to take away your Nintendo DS." You know, A THREAT. That's Quality Parenting 101.
And hoo, I don't know if it's just my five-year-old girl who is going through this phase, but she uncovers her head, slowly limps her way out of bed and mumbles, "No you're not because I'm going to hide it and you won't find it and then I'll play it without you knowing." Like Dennis the Menace, except it's Dennis the EVIL.
Now, If I had said this to my father when I was growing up, I wouldn't be alive today.
So I get right up into her face and say NO YOU DID NOT. You are not allowed to talk to me this way DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Not to instill fear, necessarily, except, yes. To instill fear. A little bit of fear is good. Oh dear god, the mail I'm going to get about this one.
And that's when it starts, what we call her Academy Award Winning Performance, and she starts saying things like, "Now I'm sad and I'm going to be sad forever. For the rest of my life, MOM."
And I'm like, dude, you can be sad. You can choose to feel this way, but we're getting dressed. Here put on this shirt.
"But you hurt my feelings and I'm never going to be happy again. Ever. For the rest of my life."
And I'm all, I know what it feels like to have my feelings hurt, that must be hard what you're going through, but now we're putting on these pants.
"But now I'm going to have a bad day because I'm sad, and then I'm going to have many bad days forever."
And there is that irresistible, generation-spanning urge to go, you know what you need? A trip to Humble Camp, a place called AFRICA. But I nip it, I shut off that valve, and I say, "I'm sorry you're feeling sad, that must be hard, now put on these socks." SOCKS THAT KIDS IN AFRICA DON'T HAVE.
And I'm not even kidding, she looks up at me and says, "You made me sad, and I don't know how to go on with the rest of my life."
A half hour later as she's gathering up her backpack and lunchbox and headed toward the car, her head hanging down in a pout, I pull Jon aside and give him a heads up that Leta is going to start her period ANY DAY NOW.
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FM Living
Barbara E. said:
"Je m'appelle le croissant." Quelle coincidance! MY name is bagel!!
I say you displayed phenomenal patience. What's to judge? Oh, nevermind. Forgot where we were. Yeah, duck.
11.04.09 - 08:50 AM / 1Barbara E. said:
Shee-yit!! First AGAIN, yo!!
11.04.09 - 08:50 AM / 2Meg said:
I want a Nintendo DS! Now I'm sad. FOREVER.
11.04.09 - 08:52 AM / 3Lisa in Seattle said:
At least you're prepared! And Leta is ready for Hollywood's call at any time ... tho of course you'd have to go with her to enable her descent into darkness. :)
11.04.09 - 08:52 AM / 4Daddy Scratches said:
Apparently, Leta and my son have been reading from the same "How to Be A Disgruntled Child" book.
Often heard around my house: "Aye aye aye! You're giving me a headache! This is the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Yeah, the worst day in all of his six years.
Sincerely,
The Worst Daddy In The World.
11.04.09 - 08:52 AM / 5tracy from Toronto said:
First time commenting, long time reader! Am I first??!! Thank you for the Community, Heather!!!
We are your loyal Doocebags, coming to your community with our Doocebaggage!
11.04.09 - 08:52 AM / 6Licha said:
Ugh. I'm all too familiar with this morning craziness!! This morning we had a 15 minute battle because I said something completely crazy like "put your coat on, it's cold outside". But I have too many kids to worry about arguing. I let her little smart ass shiver in the cold at the bus stop while her teeth chattered and cracked and fell out of her head. I bet she'll remember her coat tomorrow!
11.04.09 - 08:53 AM / 7JennKD said:
Both of my girls are doing the same thing. The 7 year old and I got into an entire discussion over what "possession" entails. Because if Santa gave her the object, then I have no legal authority to take it away. What!?! And no, at that point I started talking about taking away her bed and making her sleep on the floor, because, by god, I bought the bed. Ugh.
11.04.09 - 08:55 AM / 8bucky4eyes said:
I predict that her PMS will last about, oh, nine years. In the meantime, I foresee a diary filled with tragic poetry. She and Chuck will probably like the same music.
11.04.09 - 08:57 AM / 9Tracee said:
I'm so glad I'm not the only parent who gets these pity party invitations! My Lilly is 7 1/2 and becomes so sad and gets her "feelings hurt". I've been perplexed as how to deal with it. I don't recall ever having been that dramatic as a child.???
11.04.09 - 08:57 AM / 10Mommy that pinches said:
Sounds familiar. My daughter often yells "HELP" when we're in the grocery store together. It's always nice to see other shoppers giving the "What kind of mother are you" look. I would give helpful parenting advice if I had any at all.
11.04.09 - 08:58 AM / 11Jean said:
Girls are something else. I have three kids and my middle child is a girl. She just turned 20 today and is home with the flu. She is calling me every five seconds. They certainly keep you on your toes. Boys are so much easier. LOL
11.04.09 - 08:59 AM / 12rachsee said:
my parents totally used the fear tactic, and it totally worked. although i definitely needed therapy later on, it got me dressed in the morning. and that's the overall goal, right?
but seriously, it's fine. she'll get over it. or will she?!?! dun dun DUUUNNN!
11.04.09 - 08:59 AM / 13Jan said:
Right on!
And thanks for the community!
11.04.09 - 08:59 AM / 14Mia Mei said:
I want an invitation to the tooth brushing game! Is it BYOB?
11.04.09 - 09:05 AM / 15Mrs.tyDoan said:
I just wrote a novel of a comment about my 17 month old and the hell that she is going to give me for the rest of her existence because she's so freaking independent...but then I realized I wasn't logged in.
So in short. I don't see anything to judge here. I'd be far less composed.
11.04.09 - 09:05 AM / 16vaptor said:
Oh Heather..... I'm afraid it will get muuuuch worse before it gets better! I have 7 year old boy/girl twins, and I'm telling you - the drama that surrounds my girl is i n c r e d i b l e. But, the girl that can make you feel like your head will explode one minute, is also the girl who fills your heart with so much joy that you fear it too might explode - am I right?!
Thanks for all that you do Heather - your writing is feakin' awsome!
11.04.09 - 09:11 AM / 17insanelyme said:
Toothbrushing game??? What a great idea!!
I feel your pain, the guilt trip is a daily occurance in my home. Just think ... soon you'll have it x2.
11.04.09 - 09:11 AM / 18lisa boomerang said:
The sadness and guilt is refreshing. My 7 year old would start by saying "you aren't the boss of me" and it would degrade all the way down to her standing out in front of the school in her PJs. I'll show you who's the boss!
Anyhow, love the site, thanks for the frank commentary.
11.04.09 - 09:11 AM / 19tlkaply said:
I, for one, think a little healthy fear is the difference between kids I don't mind seeing in public places and children I feel the urge to dropkick.
11.04.09 - 09:12 AM / 20Lifeissweet16 said:
I believe my daughter first informed me that I was ruining her life when she was about 5. I think I told her that was my mission. She hasn't said it since, and she's 15 now.
I think you handled things very well. But you should have said the Africa stuff out loud.
11.04.09 - 09:13 AM / 21fableq said:
Seems to me you kept pretty level headed. Well considering. I was a 5 year old going on 14 too, I hate to break it to you, but if Leta IS like me, then you've got years of insanity up ahead! But who knows, perhaps she's not QUITE so dramatic as I was! Here's hoping :)
11.04.09 - 09:14 AM / 22Mari said:
My second child can pout for DAYS. Drives me crazy. Ends quicker if I ignore it.
11.04.09 - 09:14 AM / 23Tiggerlane said:
Wow...the teenage years are already upon you!! But wait - appreciate the pouting now. Because later, you're going to make her life so miserable that she will SCREAM and SLAM THINGS and call you HORRIBLE NAMES...and somehow, you'll still be the one feeling sad and guilty.
Oh, and it happens all month long - just accompanied by crying jags when she is OTR.
11.04.09 - 09:17 AM / 24megnstuff said:
No judgment here. My parents "played games" with me, bribed me and threatened me and I plan on doing the same thing to my boys!
11.04.09 - 09:18 AM / 25renee said:
My daughter doesn't get me with words. She can turn on the water works ON DEMAND and those break my heart.
11.04.09 - 09:19 AM / 26lizzieindublin said:
Hahahahahahaha. Sorry. Wow, I don't like ANY kids right now. Especially not my own.
11.04.09 - 09:19 AM / 27Ariel said:
I made my daughter Emma SO SAD this morning too. SO SO SAD.
Leta and my daughter should play together. It would be super fun to see which one is more dramatic. And we could totally drink and laugh while we watched.
11.04.09 - 09:20 AM / 28Tricia said:
Instilling fear is important. My parents did it, and I'm working on it with my three year old. It's not only useful for getting dressed and out the door in a timely manner; it's critical for kids to listen and obey their parents' voices immediately-- "stop right there!" can keep a kid from getting hit by a car or something similarly horrible. If you fail to use these small moments to teach your child what is and isn't acceptable, then you can't be sure that they'll listen to you when it REALLY MATTERS.
My dad explained this to me when I was about 7 or 8... it helped me to realize that his job was to keep me safe, and my job was to LISTEN, whether I understood why or not.
My point is, I think you're on the right track with Leta. She needs to know that what you and Jon say goes, whether it hurts her feelings or not.
11.04.09 - 09:20 AM / 29Momma said:
I remember those days. My oldest daughter used to respond to me telling her no by dramatically dragging her feet precisely 3 paces before flinging herself to the floor sobbing. I should have video taped those for blackmail now that she's 16.
11.04.09 - 09:21 AM / 30