When two lanky people with a collective inseam of over 144 inches decide against everyone else’s better judgment to cohabitate, they must allocate a large percentage of their daily schedule to battling the inevitable pants plague: pants on the floor, pants on the nightstand, pants strewn about the kitchen table, pants discarded and forgotten peeking [...]
My doctor said I have veins perfect for heroin injection. Isn’t that, like, illegal or something?
Knife in the Water: Red River
Resist the urge to giggle when I slam my forehead into the dresser and temporarily blackout.
Tell me to stop drinking so much caffeine. You’re my primary care physician, what do you know?