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What I Do Not Want For Christmas

1. Socks. Please do not buy me or think about buying me any socks. No socks. I don’t need any socks. 2. Anything from Eddie Bauer. 3. Anything upholstered in denim. 4. Gold jewelry, especially of the chained necklace variety. Just go ahead and take it back right now. 5. A special message from beloved [...]

Listening

The Sundays: Static & Silence

Reading

Office Party Survival Guide

How to Charm Me

Turn stray IKEA hardware into a sadomasochistic sex costume and dance about, all while I’m on the phone with my strictly republican father.

How to Annoy Me

Accuse me of being pathological. My doctor calls it “terminally obsessive.”