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I Have Something to Say

I’m really not that hard to work with. Granted, I have a hard time showing any emotion or evidence that I’m alive in team meetings, and I generally won’t acknowledge anyone who approaches my desk with paper goods in hand, but other than that I’m a really peachy co-worker. But everyone says this. Everyone says, [...]


A Short Story About the Academy Awards

Feeling Guilty

For scratching my ass in the elevator. No one else knows about it, but I know about it.

How to Charm Me

Nominate Nicole Kidman for an Academy award. Next step: convince her to do porn.

How to Annoy Me

Drive like a grandma, all slow and wiggly and shit.