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Things I Don’t Necessarily Need to Know

I don’t need to know that five people in the last four years have been paralyzed while snowboarding down the same hill on which I am going to learn how to snowboard. Why did you tell me this? Will this information help me learn how to navigate a slippery slab down a slippery slope in [...]


Clinical studies have shown that 7 grams of Metamucil tastes like absolute shit.


The Januaries: Januaries


Kenneth Cole is a Whore


Daniel Adel Illustration

Feeling Guilty

For wishing that those perky Canadian ice skaters would just go away already.

How to Charm Me

Admit that you watch C-SPAN voluntarily.

How to Annoy Me

Manufacture your clothing so small that I can’t fit an XXL over my shoulders. That’s me screaming in the dressing room.