I should have stolen more office supplies when I had the chance. Bugger!
To the sound of an entire company saying, “My god, was she a nut, or what?”
For torturing the Asian database administrator so mercilessly. I will truly miss him.
Point out that now I can nap all goddamn day long.
Take an X-ray of my abdomen while whistling the chorus to a Creed song. I will see you in Hell.
I lost my job today. My direct boss and the human resources representative pulled me into one of three relatively tiny conference rooms and informed me that The Company no longer had any use for me. Essentially, they explained, they didn’t like what I had expressed on my website. I got fired because of dooce.com. [...]