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March 12, 2002

Overly Italicized Conversation Between Two Engaged Persons At the Gas Station

“When I’m sick like this, it’s like I’m PMSing. My skin just, I don’t know, freaks out.” “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. How would you know what it’s like to PMS? You have no idea what it’s like to endure a menstrual cycle.” “I may not know what it’s like to bleed from an orifice for [...]


I am ashamed to admit that I had nothing to do with Britney and Justin’s breakup.


A helicopter circling and circling and circling. It’s tough, sometimes, having to live in Andy Dick’s neighborhood.

Feeling Guilty

For eating a cookie in bed. Well, to be totally honest, for eating 12 cookies in bed.

How to Charm Me

Grin and bear the fact that, yes, I do in fact have to sleep with five separate pillows strategically placed at various angles across the bed.

How to Annoy Me

Screw the lid on so tight to everything that I have to use a fucking jackhammer to open the orange juice.