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How to Charm Me

Kiss me with your perfect, precious puppy breath.

How to Annoy Me

Poop on the living room rug and then step in it.

Thinking

Is it really that easy to confuse “Heifer” with “Heather” ?

Listening

The New Year: Newness Ends

Reading

Smug: Maxim

Feeling Guilty

For seriously considering naming my children after characters from The Dukes of Hazzard.

How to Charm Me

Forgive me for eating all of the crêpe we were supposed to share. I can be such a bitch.

How to Annoy Me

Put Matthew McConaughey in front of a camera and require him to open his mouth.

Just a Few of The Several Reasons Living In Los Angeles, California Totally Kicks Ass

1. An acute case of paranoia actually comes in quite handy. 2. There is at least one brand-named coffee shop within just .2 miles of any point in this city, and each and every employee behind the counter is good-looking enough to bone, not that you necessarily would, but you could. 3. Homeless people on [...]

April 9, 2002