• http://www.turbanhead.com ME

    A missed money shot! Egad! I hope the Beav can go another round. If not, I’m sure they can fix it in post-production.

  • http://www.jennifermurray.net Jen

    Please, please, please tell me your joking.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    i am so not kidding about this.

  • http://www.throughyoureyes.com Dyanna

    Oh. My. God. That is just so wrong!

  • http://www.chadcrowell.com Chad

    At least confirm the the offending fliud missed the honorable Senator’s head.

    I hope at least DJ Blurb pulled a Clint Eastwood and dove in front of the Senator to save him from harm…

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    I am so not kidding when I say that I just laughed so hard, I snorted. For real.

  • http://www.blurbomat.com the blurb

    The former congressman was luckily spared a messy clean up. Husband’s tail also between legs.

  • http://sourmash.blogspot.com Sour Bob

    You slay me. You literally slay me. I’m dead now. My life has come to an end in a bizarre seizure of snorting and laughter. I’m dead now and it’s all your fault.

  • http://kustapie.blogspot.com kusta

    i believe i’ve never reacted so strongly to the word “hot” as when reading that last sentence. ahem. incidentally, was it as good for Chucklesworth?

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    Okay, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m putting my money on Ralph Malph.

  • http://thetextobscured.net Ismat

    I did not think it was physically possible for me to laugh that hard after a stream of shitty personal events. But you did it.

    And I’m with Sarah B. on this one, it’s Ralph Malph all the way.

  • http://tinyplace.org/tinyblog Daniel Talsky

    Omigod. Dooce is so back. I have been longing for a Dooce with comments forEVA.

  • http://ed-one.com ed f

    wonderful story. chuckled loud enough for people to crane their necks over their monitors to see what i was chuckling about. GET BACK TO WORK, PEOPLE! (sometimes it pays to be the boss).

  • http://www.sajo.blogspot.com MVS

    What a story. I was right there. Word for word. I don’t know if I wanted to be, but I was. Thanks for the biggest laugh I’ll have all day.

  • http://tidakada.com michel v

    Errrr, if your dog is being randomly humped by another dog, shouldn’t you just take your dog away from the horny dog ? Especially if it’s mistaking your dog for a blow-up doll… :)

  • Jim Jones

    that the sixties comedy series lead is Ricky Nelson.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    Ralph Malph it isn’t. Ralph Malph would pass as ironic or emo or post-modern. This dog’s name, it’s just like, huh? And you were smoking how much crack when you decided it would be a good idea to do that to your dog, to name it *that* as if anyone would think, yeah that’s funny, i get it. well guess what, i don’t get it. it’s not funny and no dog, not even this one with the swollen testicular knobs, deserves to have this name.

  • Rickster

    Uggh!! Sound like someone’s doggie needs some Saltpeter. And I’m going with Bruce Wayne for the name!!

  • Rickster

    On second thought, how about Dick Grayson??

  • http://arielmeadow.com Ariel

    Dooce, do you have a literary agent yet? Because, with the spewed beverage on my monitor as my witness, I swear you need one.

  • http://www.darthmiles.com dm

    that’s the *snort snort* funniest thing *snort* I’ve *snort* read in some *snort * time. Welcome back dooce, *snort* (i bet it’s darrin stevens)

  • http://www.zetad.com zach

    Fucking hilarious. I used to know a freind who lived across the street from a bloddhound who had elephantitus of the nuts – and I’m not kidding about this.

  • http://how.to/BFree FDFF


  • http://www.blogdom.org David

    Thank goodness I work at home. Otherwise, my coworkers might have called 911 as I sat here convulsing with laughter.

  • http://www.woops.org colleen

    oh my lawd! your poor dog! by the way, you need to post new pictures of said poor dog. poor dog!!

  • http://www.megchem.com megchem

    My freshman year in college my parents bought a dalmation (they already had one) and apparantly it had a humping problem. When i came home that summer i saw her(the dog) going at a porch couch cushion. So i said hey mom, what’s up with your dog. She glanced and replied “I don’t know what you’re talking about”….hhmmff…how’s that for denial.

  • http://I'vecreatedmanywebsitesprofessionallybutnoneprivately Katrina

    I’m so incredibly happy that you have returned!! My nights will no longer be so boring. I stumpled across your website last February right after my husband was recalled to Naval duty in the Persian Gulf for a whole freakin’ year. Reading your website made me amorous and laugh in bed – two actions previously only attributable to my “man in the sand” (as he likes to call himself). I was also relieved to find another heterosexual woman who is aware of beautiful women. By the way, where are the photographs? Anyway, I really do enjoy reading your prose and am glad to see you back at it!

  • April Gem

    Canine porn. Good gawd. Next thing you know, Beaver Cleaver will be calling your dog his bitch.

  • http://www.moveablebeast.com peggy

    If it’s Dick Van Dyke, Mr. Snortyface better not come around here, no sir. I’m just sayin’.

  • http://lifeafterb0rg.blogspot.com WebGirlie

    Is it possible to go mentally blind due to mental images?

    I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, cringe, or grimace.

  • Fezboy!

    My money is on arry-Lay ondello-May. *this way searches for [that name]+dog+money+shot don’t find this page*

  • http://kellycaldwell.com Kelly


    I’m putting my money on Mr. Ed.

  • http://www.muc.muohio.edu/~Muraii/ Muraii

    Two things:

    (1) Dobey Gillis.

    (2) So, I can’t remember what site had you linked, but I came here and read everyone’s comments and wondered what the hell the big deal was. I have found the big deal in the way that Charles Manson found his calling in life, in the way that Joan of Arc heard voices and knew their truth. I won’t say welcome back, because I was never here before, but I count my blessings (as an atheist / agnostic / lethargist) that you’ve got your groove on.

  • http://www.perilsofleisure.com Paula

    So, but what did little Chuck think of all of this? My guess is that as we all grimace in shock and disgust, that he probably just went about his merry way as if this was normal. Dogs are good like that.

  • http://iscatter.blogspot.com Kate

    Beaver Cleaver is the perfect name for an overendowed dog.

  • http://ill-creative.org Jake

    Leave it to Beaver… I seriously hope its Dick Van Dyke. That would be sooo great.

  • http://abcnews.go.com/sections/wnt/DailyNews/ISOA_Websters020923.html drew

    sorry to be off topic, but i just read that bootylicious made it into the dictionary :)

    click my name for the story…

  • http://www.lin-design.net/bluelog Lin

    Lawdy, lawdy. I hope your dog is not permanently traumatized. Well, and you too.

  • Cyn

    I’m guessing Gomer Pyle.
    I was really trying to snort quietly in my little cube. I’m glad you are back! Congrats on the married thing.

  • Amstershiresauce

    The Dooce is loose!
    Speaking of the former senator, when are you going to post some pics? I think his public has been waiting long enough for visuals.

  • http://home.infi.net/~lex/lexblog.htm Lex

    Lady, I don’t know who you are and I didn’t know your site even existed until a few days ago, but between this post and the one about the drill in the butt, I’ve decided you must be two of the 10 funniest people in America. Rock on.

  • http://www.golf-blogger.com Bill

    I think we know who the alpha male is in the Owner-Beav relationship. Ward? Ward? Snort, snort!

  • http://www.gnome-girl.com gnome-girl

    girl the past two days have been hell for me but after reading this I am thinking your poor dog has it a bit rougher than me right now :) Rock ON girl you made me laugh so hard I cried and my co workers are now thoroughly convinced I have completely lost it!

  • http://forevermylife.blogspot.com Tammie

    Oh my gosh,that is hilarious !!

  • http://carcharhinid.diaryland.com jen

    you should introduce mr. beaver cleaver to http://www.neuticles.com

    and they are also so not kidding

  • http://rumbanik.blogspot.com Rumbanik

    Wickedly funny.

    What did that snorting guy do in response to your husband snorting like him?

    This story reminds me of someone I knew, who spent the night at another friendís, who owned a small dog. Apparently the dog was one of those horny types as well. He said heíd passed out on the floor (partying that night), and in the morning felt something hot and wet splashing on his face. The dog was ejaculating hot canine semen in a rainbow arc on his face.

    Yay, morning money shot.

  • http://www.jadedturtle.com Michael

    I agree with Ariel on this one. Get an agent!

    Poor Chuckles, he probably just stood there in mock horror.

  • Chad2

    Oh my God, that is so — It’s Dobie Gillis, isn’t it?

  • http://melissabethkelly.com Melissa

    I’m soooooo glad to see you’re back. Really. Everyt thought about writing a book?

  • Todd

    Ay Caramba! Somebody tell that tool his dog’s name is so very unclever, his dog does that because it needs to get some, and godammit—- STOP SNORTING LIKE A PIG!