• http://pixelkitty.net stupid bint

    oh no! Ive been through all kinds of treatment for painfull ovarian cysts.

    They really are awful. Ive had hormone therapy and so many ultrasounds that Ive lost count.

    I hope you get some relief soon.

  • Marsh

    A lot of illness is caused or at least exacerbated by stress. Stress like losing your job because of your blog. Stress like pissing off your family through your blog.Dogs are proven de-stress-ifiers, and have been introduced in leading mediacl facilities all over precisely for this purpose. Chuck is just what the doctor ordered — take two Chucks and call me in the morning.

  • Marcus

    The BBC on couples sharing the same diseases:

    You’d better check your husband’s ovaries.

  • http:www.villapaita.com jimmypage

    shoot the dog! ok, no… bad idea. nevertheless an option, especially if ‘dog’ somehow develops doggie walking pneumonia. but how could u? u2 love the dog – your first baby….. anyways, please keep sharing what goes through the mind of d00ce, whenever you get the chance. obviously you know that there’s lots of people out here that love the way u think and write. your site makes our days better, in some strange way. delight in your collective suffering? fuck, that’s messed up. sorry. -jp

  • http://pixelkitty.net stupid bint

    You too can teach your dog to eliminate on command!


  • http://www.shiftyeye.com dclay

    I spent a year thinking I had testicular cancer, a hernia, or something unknown to medical science. My friendly HMO doctor assured me (after about 35 coughs, is that wierd?) that I was fine. You’re fine. If push comes to shove, and you need a temporary dog keeper to investigate your theory, I’m your man…

  • http://www.shauny.org/pussycat shauny

    ooooh there was something suspicious about that dog from the very start….

  • http://www.moveablebeast.com peggy

    You’re right about the dog. Dogs wreck everything. I mean, just look at how the 2000 election turned out.

  • http://thetextobscured.net ismat

    In January, the doctor diagnosed me with an “early, walking pneumonia.” It pissed me off because I couldn’t even say I had out-and-out pneumonia; I mean, I felt like SHIT and I didn’t even have a dog. She shoulda told me it was pneumonia, period, and let me whine about it like I wanted to.

  • http://www.turbanhead.com/blogger.html ME

    Well at least you are clever and according to a recent study [ http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2291737.stm ], “Clever wives [are] good for men’s health.” This bodes well for the Blurb.

  • http://www.jennifermurray.net Jen

    Hope you both feel better.

  • http://notsosimple.net/blog/ meegan

    i had an ovarian cyst too. the pain was unbearable. my doctor kept telling me that it was “very normal.” how the hell can pain like that be normal?!?

  • http://www.adequacy.net J

    Fate hates us. It hates to see us happy. So by being happy and having a wonderful marriage and an adorable puppy, you are taunting fate. Do not taunt the happy fun fate.

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    Again, my response is for you to send Chuck my way. I’ll take one for the team.

  • http://libbyo.diaryland.com Libbyo

    Ha ha! Just be thankful they aren’t the kind that I had, with hair and teeth and the size of an orange… and now I have a nice ugly smiley face scar to prove it… Good luck with the thing. Ovaries frustrate me.

  • http://www.megchem.com megchem

    Interesting….both you and Chuck have an aversion to pooping.

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April Gem

    Good God. I had no idea Ovarian Cyst was copyrighted. I second Marcus’ suggestion; you should check your husband’s… er… hmm. Eh?

  • http://www.brushstroke.tv Mel

    Benadryl, (over the counter) for the dog allergies and take it easy on the booze Dooce. And eat well. OK, that’s it. Feel better.

  • http://illiterategirl.blogspot.com illiterategirl

    watch out… if you start getting the cysts more often, it might be endometriosis.

  • Cyn

    Getting old sucks. Stress just makes things even suckier. Keep Chuckles out of your bedroom. This will help with your hubby’s dog allergy. I’m old and I’m a mom. I know these things.

  • Carrie

    I’m a new reader of your fascinating log – welcome back!
    Here’s my two cents (three, actually):
    One cent: Years ago, my non-copyrighted ovarian cyst had to be removed surgically, because it kept growing, dammit. Have the Dr. keep an eye on the size of that sucker.
    Two cents: Just because ovarian cysts are *common*, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is *normal*. A small cyst forms every month and an egg burst out of it, yeah, but if it keeps growing and is hurting you, don’t let anyone tell you, “Hush, honey, that’s normal.”
    Three cents: Although the appendix is on the right, appendicitis pain often radiates to the left side of the lower abdomen. Tricky devils, those appendix.

  • http://www.pbase.com/bast Jodie

    I’m so glad you’re back. Congrats on your marriage and ownership of Chuck. Enjoy the puppy breath, because pretty soon, his breath will be stinky.

  • http://www.realityremixed.com Keith

    Beware those who might try to sue you for your registered Ovarian Cyst. The RIAA, for example. Hope you & the husband feel better — I’m well-versed in the art of being allergic to pets, it sucks ass.

  • http://www.malville.com mal

    hey, now. it can’t be the mormon god. i go to church every sunday like a good girl and i still get ruptures about once every 3 months. at least now i know that i can blame it on my puppy, too!

  • http://www.funktrain.com Jonah

    cow’s milk. it all comes down to cutting out cow’s milk.

  • http://mattyspace.blogspot.com matty

    1. welcome back
    2. i was relieved to see you had gotten away from writing about the dog, and then…
    3. word to carrie on the appendix thing… that was my first thought, having two friends who suffered the left-sided pain before having those vestigal fuckers removed.
    4. ovaries suck, but they are crafty. i know a woman who was told by doctors she would never have children because she only had 1/2 of one ovary. 20 years later she has two boys, 18 and 14. yeesh.

  • http://songcatch.diaryland.com/ chrissie

    go on the blood type diet.I’ve been on it for over 2 years.It’s work though.
    if you have any questions there are lots of sick people here to help you out


  • http://choirboysgas@hotmail.com jennifer

    those cysts are a bitch…and then they bust out with the probe–good god. when they were looking at mine, they were telling me that cysts are sometimes made up of hair and nails amongst other gross things. i was totally freaking out because my friend had an uncle in peru that had a cyst on his nose that had a fingernail growing out of it, and the whole village put a hex on him because they were convinced the fingernail was a result of his being evil. and then he died.

    luckily, they just put me on the pill and they went away, i’m sure yours will too. did they give you nice pain pills at least?

    take care.

  • http://www.onr.com/user/austinpepper Austinpepper

    Yeah stress. When I was having some serious anxiety problems I developed irritable bowel syndrome…a lovely syndrome and I too will spare the details. But my doggies are good destressors so don’t blame the doggy. I’m so happy you’ve put dooce back up! Your wedding photos are so awesome and I normally think weddings are a big sham mess. I’m spending my money on the honeymoon. I mean if I ever get married.

  • http://home.mira.net/~areadman/plat.htm Dave Thomas

    Now that you’ve tasted the exquisite pain of getting health advice from random strangers, that cyst’ll seem like a regular peach festival.

  • http://Idon'tgotnoass-lickin'website,bitch Heather

    Okay, maybe I’m getting all Silvio-like, what with the umbrage at slurs on my heritage but the Kentucky slam really was a chapper. I have to say, it’s a good thing all us decrepit Kentuckians are so immobilized by our various ailments, otherwise I’d be riding my mule out to whup yer ass.
    Okay I’m better now.
    Seriously, regarding the ovarian cyst- ouch. I don’t think the dog caused it though. Someone else mentioned stress and I would agree that even good stress (getting married, having a new dog) can tax your body and weaken your resistance.

  • http://www.mistercrunchy.com Chris

    Magnets. Whatever you do, stay away from magnets. And bananas.

  • smark

    two words: taxi dermy.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    dude, Heather, i mean no harm to the peoples of Kentucky. that there’s where all my family is from. if anything, i was referring to the people in Kentucky who are related to me. they’re all sagging.

  • http://www.lin-design.net/bluelog Lin

    I just had surgery this past June, a laprascopy to be exact, to remove cysts and endometriosis. The lower abdominal pain can be completely a side effect of the cysts, or it could even be endometriosis. All I know is that it all confused me, with all the names of conditions my GYN talked to me about. i.e. polycystic ovarian syndrome, etc. All I know is that all the icky stuff was taken out of me in June, but lo and behold, the pain is back. YAY! (that YAY was one of sarcasm.) Oh, and for treatment, they put me on low-dose birth control.

  • ex southern babtist

    I periodically have that kind of pain too…but mine is always on the lower right side…I have been to the doctor several times. They determined it is not the appendix. I personally think it’s ovulation. My mother had the same thing all of her adult life before the hysterectomy. Did I spell that right?

  • ex southern babtist

    Oh, I forgot to mention the reason for the hysterectomy…FIBROID TUMORS, oh my

  • http://www.turbanhead.com ME

    Where should I send my bill for my consultation? I hope you have coverage or at least Medicaid.

  • TODD

    Personally, I prefer your entries that are funny and/or ironic, but, hey, you’re the blogger. Sorry about your snowballing amount of ailments. It seems just when one thing stabilizes, it’s only time to have another thing come up. I think your copyrighted cyst should be priority one. Do some more research and talk some more to your doctor to get it handled in a timely fashion. The doggie ailments can be overcome too. My wife has a whole drawerful of inhalers so we can keep our lovely cats.
    Now, in reference to Kentuckians, I agree that it’s cool once in a while to hit your own gang. Just make sure you get all the nitty-gritties in there up front before morte folks get riled-up. If I too was from Bluegrass country, I would give my two cents for sure, sugarplum. Keep it rill.

  • http://www.cafemocha.co.uk David

    I’ve got a stinking cold too, but I don’t think I can blame it on the dog. Well, not your dog. Hope the ovaries feel better soon.

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather

    I’m givin’ you somethin’ on the serious tip. I have a friend who spent almost two years being sick right after marrying a wonderful man. Apparently, once she had someone to care for her and she wasn’t doing it for herself (so much) anymore, she was able to let go, which begat the onslought of sickness. Just think – only 16 months to go!

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    P.S. So NOT the Kentucky Heather. Just needed to make that clear. I’ve renamed, so we can all be clear.

  • http://whatdoiknow.org/ Todd

    As for the sneezing, coughing, weezing and phlegm, you may want to consider one of these. Especially if you have pets in an enclosed space.

  • http://whatdoiknow.org/ Todd

    Arrrgh. HTML formatting turned off. Okay…


  • Igor

    Shoot the dog. Really, they’re the most adorable, charming and efficient fleabags on the planet. Don’t make a mess, just pop the dog, use small caliber ammo. Take a picture of the pooch first. Then take the husband’s and your own sweet little tush out to a place where they know how to pamper people and dump all the stress. Max out the health insurance and get yourself bugfree. Go home and look at the large blow-up pic of the dog and remember all the good times you had.

  • r3

    My sympathies for your Ovarian cyst. I had one rupture, and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. Scared the hell out of me too.