• http://thetextobscured.net Ismat

    Wouldn’t straddling a dead cow only increase your hunger? I mean, I’m sure that takes a lot of energy.

  • http://www.beltzner.ca/ifeelafel feelafel

    Aunt Lola should really make the switch to “Charmin’”. No, really.

  • http://www.kaneblues.com/ kane

    As if Mr. Whipple didn’t have enough problems with who is squeezing the Charmin, now he Aunt Lola squeezing the Roman Meal. For Gods Sake, keep her out of the produce section!

  • http://Copacabana.com The Inmate

    Was she ever a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to THERE?
    Cause that would explain a lot.
    You’re lucky she didn’t break into merengue and the cha-cha right at the dinner table.

  • http://www.thesafeword.com/daily/kerry.html Kerry

    You kow, you should tell Aunt Lola that if she is going to use bread to wipe her ass, that Ethiopian bread is really the better choice. It’s more porous, making it twice as absorbant as the average slice of Western bread.

  • http://www.thesafeword.com/daily/kerry.html Kerry

    Crap. that last post was supposed to start out with “You know,” not “You kow”. I would never call you a cow, and if I were going to, I would at least try to spell it correctly.

  • http://dictionary.com The Inmate

    Oh, I almost forgot. I’m going to need a definition of “super okay”. I’m not buying that, Dooce.

  • http://darian@unremembered.com darian

    I agree with Ismat..your aunt Lola would definately have to use alot of energy to straddle a cow. When I lived in KY, we used to get drunk and sometimes go cow tipping. Let me tell you..you really have to run with alot of force to knock those cows over. I couldn’t imaging knocking them over and straddling them. heh!

  • http://notsosimple.net/blog/ meegan

    sounds very much like my family get togethers. except the focus is usually on aunt francis’ bowels.

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    We should get your family dinner together with my family dinner. We should also get drunk first.

  • http://www.etherdrift.net/arnoldcam arnold

    Wow. If Aunt Lola can’t tell the difference between food and toiletries, she’s going to have to stay the hell out of my bathroom and kitchen.

  • YesNo0001

    Welcome Back, Dooce.

    Back here where we need ya.

    The Sweathogs.

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    my aunt farts a lot.

  • http://aprilgem.com/log aprilgem

    Okay, then. I never want to eat bread again.

  • http://www.pinkflag.com/ Ex-liontamer

    This seems to be a symptom of family gatherings as everyone gets older: Politics and entertainment chit-chat take a backseat to symptoms of Gramma’s Alzheimers and the 411 on Auntie’s sciatic nerve; new babies antics get chalked up to “Isn’t that cute?” versus the personal safety of others. Sometimes I miss the halcyon days of the “So, how’s college?” question from my relatives.

    …and I ain’t never heard of bread in lieu of TP. whatsupwitdat?

  • http://www.golf-blogger.blogspot.com Spike

    Is it possible that you misunderstood L-O-L-A, Lola, because she had her mouth full. She sounds like someone who spits food while she talks. In any event, can’t she get some of that free juniper bark out there in Utah to wipe with instead of — does she like croutons?

  • http://the.nonproductive.net Nonproductive

    wait, I’m confused.

    Did she wipe her ass with the bread, eat a bologna sandwich and then straddle a dead cow?

    Or was it straddle a dead cow, eat the bologna sandwich and then wipe her ass with the bread?

  • http://www.kaneblues.com/ kane

    Gives new meaning to the term, “Pinch a loaf”.

  • http://tattletale.net nita

    reminds me of the time my grandmother told a joke in which the punch line involved the description “well-hung”– and she wasn’t talking about a chandelier.

  • Wayne

    Was there any situation involving dog urine?

  • http://inspirationstrikes.blogspot.com Matt

    i prefer the quilted western bread. it’s easier on my sensitive skin.

  • http://paulsboutique.blogspot.com Paul Gutman

    I think you should have tried to see if the little nephew could throw a dead cow at Aunt Lola and see if she could *really* straddle it.

  • http://www.screenimages.com YOFAL

    I am apalled.

    Or a’ petered.

    Nope, scratch that…apalled it is.

  • Ewww

    So, are your Aunt Lola peanut butter sandwich chunky or smooth?

  • http://qualitypeoples.com ed f

    oh yeah, i forgot, Anna Farris. yum yum.

  • http://thispageintentionallyleftblank.net clayton

    but isn’t it crumbly if it’s dry? how can you wipe with that?

  • http://they.might.read.this Anonymous Coward

    My parents flew over from the other side of the world to this side of the world to meet my significant other’s parents for the first time.

    We took them to our favourite restuarant. My parents argued at the table, belched all through dinner and drank all the wine.

    My parents then started to regale the significant’s other parents with all their various diseases, ailments and some of my most embarrassing childhood accidents and habits.

    And then it got worse.

    Please kill me now.

  • http:www.villapaita.com jimmypage

    i have no thoughts, at this time. -jp

  • http://www.realityremixed.com Keith

    My dad’s an ER doctor and my mom works for Planned Parenthood. The “what happened at work today” discussions over dinner while I was growing up have given me the immunity to be able to eat through just about anything.

  • Angelique

    …… and people wonder why i’m on prozac. my mother has the terrible habit of explaining what happens to her when she eats seeds due to her dyverticulitus (sp). i feel ya, girlie.

  • http://blab-o-rama.home.att.net/ Beerzieboy

    And I thought Vegamite on bread was gross…