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A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume I | dooce® dooce® » I'm Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. » A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume I
  • http://www.v-hold.net vic

    i like the names of shirley q liquor’s 19 children. some examples:
    cheeto, gynolotramin, k-martina, cotylenol, puff pastry, clymidia, champagne and the list goes on.

  • lindsay

    as a former southern-Idaho democrat Lutheran (ha! ha ha! ha ha ha!) i have to also request a moritorium on all child-names such as Cody, Dakota, Sierra, Sienna, and Hootie. No, seriously, there was a Mormon family in the town I lived in with 11 children, two of which were naemd variations of Hootie. It almost makes me glad to be back in Northern VA, with the Christian Right and all. ALMOST. I do miss the Jello molds of Logan and and Pocatello, though.

  • http://www.webgods.net Eponymous

    A friend told a wonderful story of using Nair in the bikini area and then going for a jog. Two blocks later she was pounding on the door of someone’s house in dire pain. Needless to say, I have never tried Nair.
    I had my children’s names planned out since junior high. Zeus, for a boy and Odessa for a girl. No surprise I read the Illiad when I was seven.
    My mom must have bought all of that Avon crap from your mom. I think she still has some.

  • http://www.jasonkill.com Jason Kill

    I find the comments on your site to be mostly people struggling to imitate your wit. In a world where everyone fancies himself a writer, you are the real thing. Peace.

  • http://quixotical.org Anna

    The Utah Baby Namer: My personal favorite is “Abcde”

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    to previous commenter – adobe is totally money and bling! bling! and basically super ultra mega dumb fresh! props on the cool name… i don’t know about kid’s name, but when i get a dog, i’m calling him mango. dooce, i am sorry that i am insane. but i am now on xanax so i’m much more relaxed these days.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    shy, i only said some of the people, not all of the people.

  • liz

    now, I knew someone named Allegra..

  • http://www.aubreysabala.com aubs

    a boy from my high school truly wanted to name his kid ‘asshole’. His name would be ‘Asshole Kane.’ I think in his twisted mind it would rid people of the thoughts of naming him ‘Candy’ instead. Re: hair gel in dogs, I painted my cat’s tail white last night out of frustration from him continuing to walk on my newly gessoed canvas. Thus far, he seems to like his smashing new look. I’ll give him Clairol Mega hold next time.

  • drew

    i have a niece named xaundelle

  • http://footinmouthdisease.blogspot.com Naaman

    Some people can be completely insane all of the time, or all of the people can be completely insane some of the time, but all of the people cannot be completely insane all of the time. *This excludes Rev. Jesse Jackson, Jerry Fallwell, and the newly added Trent Lott.

  • the media

    best kid name, god almighty. almighty for short.

  • http://www.twbexposed.com why be normal?

    My neighbors named their newborn daughter “Laura” and I’m all like what kind of wacked name is that???

  • http://pink-ink.net alli

    I already know I’m insane. But thank you for the reminder!

  • http://www.mark.ac Mark

    Woof. Pass the carrots, please.

  • ex southern babtist

    You are right about the insane thing. I just glance past those ones. The good commentaries are the ones I pay attention to.

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    forget what i said previously… i obviously didn’t read what anna wrote properly. ‘Abcde’ is so not the same as ‘adobe’. obviously my xanax is relaxing me a little too much.

  • http://lauradeda.blogspot.com Laura

    Why Be Normal?: It’s a perfectly lovely name. So don’t even step to this.

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    believe me, dooce… i think it’s safe to categorize me in the insane category. but thanks for the clarification. ;)

  • http://www.verbaldrool.com Totah DinÈ

    The name Hortense makes me giggle. It’s an oxymoron that I find rather amusing.

  • kgjbnme

    Rule for Naming a Child: the name should sound good with “U.S. Supreme Court Justice” preceding it.

  • http://peechie.blogspot.com peechie

    The absolute *worst* thing people can do to their childrens’names is to try to give them an ordinary name, but spell it all fucked up so that *nobody* can ever pronounce it (or spell it) correctly. ie. Gennie (for Jenny), Brandyn (for Brandon), etc. There would be better examples if I weren’t tired – think of your own.

  • http://merinda.blogspot.com Aarika

    Yeah, that “taking a normal name and spelling it differently” thing is SO 1980.

  • Suzyn

    It’s just a name, for the love of god. So our parents were stoned hippy weirdos or addicted to `80s nighttime soaps or romance novels or just all pseudo-creative. We pay our bills on time, have our cars approved by state emission controls, recycle our newspapers and generally try to be decent citizens. It’s not like we’re preparing neo-fascist terrorists to take over American culture. Damn.

  • http://www.lyricsfreak.com/w/wire/909.htm Ex-liontamer

    I’M not the one who’s insane…HE is. No I’m not. Okay, stop it, you two.

  • Sheila

    I went to school with some named Syndi. *ralph*

  • http://www.geocities.com/evan7_99 slackjaw

    eay don theenk imall that crazee. huh? noow not awl craezy……… jus sotra inna hed

  • Dave Thomas

    You want to talk about painful names?

  • http://www.megchem.com megchem

    Um, It’s NEVER a good idea to wax your armpits….I almost passed out!

  • HurgleGurgle

    More commentary on Utah County, some of it funny:

  • HurgleGurgle

    Doh!

    Snide Remarks

  • nicole

    don’t forget ‘skeeter, scooter, critter, cooter, and thud’.
    that still makes me laugh.

  • http://www.dennis.ca/weblog dennis

    Is there normally a lot of planning associated with bikini waxing? Teach me the secrets of intimate hair removal!

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April

    I don’t suffer from insanity. I’m enjoying every minute of it.

  • bucci

    I try to be as witty as Dooce, but I think I always fall short. I guess I comment because it makes me feel a little like I’m a part of something great. Why is ‘Hortense’ an oxymoron? And ‘Laura’ was a made-up name too, only it was made up by Petrarch from the ‘Laural’ the wreath given to great poets. So, ‘Laura’ is the name of the fleeting beauty, the Muse that refuses to linger.

  • LK

    i second on the “fucked-up spelling of normal names” comment. just think of all the wasted seconds in a person’s entire lifetime spelling out his/her name every single time someone asks. “my name is Kristyn. K, R, I… no, I… S, T, Y… no, that’s a Y, not an E…” oy.

  • http://thepropagandist.com the propagandist

    yeah, we’re crazy. i’m just a hired character assassin.

    you’re a dog hairstylist and endurance potty breaker.

    you lose.

  • Natasha

    I just stumbled upon your website today, and I’ll tell you my opinion: I happen to LOVE it. Your comments are right up my alley—I thought *I* was the insane one for thinking this way!!! Keep it up.

  • Anonymous

    why dont you list the names of people that make good/funny comments.

  • Russell

    Doocerama! Yipes. No more tears pour moi–consider me thrilled to (accidentally) find you back in business.

  • http://restrawn@hotmail.com Rachel

    After listening to your “Leaving L.A.” mix, you should make a “Dammit, I live in Utah mix.”

    Fabulous set of songs back on that page.

  • http://www.tiny-empire.com/cicada cicada

    I grew up in and around Pocatello. I know what Lindsay means about Jell-o. My Mormon sister bragged about a recipe for a nine-layer Jell-o molded dessert. It takes about seven hours to make, and a big part of that is actual working time. I do miss Pocatello sometimes, but not the religion, and definitely not those kind of desserts. Here in Texas, the preferred accompaniment to every meal is scary orange queso.

  • http://www.tiny-empire.com/cicada/ cicada

    Er, make that “kinds”.

  • http://www.untopia.com garrett

    … but aren’t we all completely insane? Mark Twain said, “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

  • http://www.stacywashere.com Staycee

    I went to high school with a girl named “Delicious Chew”…

  • http://www.golf-blogger.blogspot.com Billy

    I’m stuck on those two variations of the name “Hootie.” And I’m COMPLETELY insane? Do you really think United States Supreme Court Justice Bushrod Washington goes together well? Wait a minute –

  • Is HurgleGurgle your given name?

    HurgleGurgle, your link to Eric Snider’s web page is broken. Help.

  • Aubrey #3

    he he he he…
    I bet Chuck loves being in bobby pins!

  • http://None Mark

    I think your website is an excellent way to vent. Although, sort of demented, still a very effective method. I am 38 and think similar things about my life and the people around me. I love my family and friends, but sometimes you just have to vent.

  • http://www.pumpkinjuice.com Jenny

    Just thought I’d let ya know, you are the spotlighted site on my website right now. :)