• http://www.buttergrooves.com P.J.

    ouch…

  • erika

    ……is there anything that men do to themselves that is remotely as painful as what we do to ourselves?! if men only knew what we go through. And I mean REALLY knew. They have no clue. <=o/

  • Katherine

    Precisely why I’m never getting one of those. I jump a foot in the air everytime I get my eyebrows waxed… I could never stand the pain of a bikini wax. *shudders*

  • http://glynnis.rocket-fish.org glynnis

    i’m eternally suspicious of cute little shops next to grocery stores. i went to get my nails done once at this place next to a grocery store, and i ended up getting bloody cuticles done by a large, oafish man. it took my hands weeks to recover.

  • http://footinmouthdisease.blogspot.com Naaman

    Vasectomies.

  • kidfarthest

    why should men desire to *really* understand such insanities? that’s akin to appealing to a normal, sneaker-clad pedestrian to *really* understand what a ballerina goes through to pull off those beautiful movements in order to more fully appreciate the dance. That’s not how it works. If we think about the mangled and bloody feet its not a beautiful thing at all. Same with the various follicular holocausts women put themselves through.

  • http://www.afterdinner.com/readers/read.php?ID=264 kidfarthest

    Yeah, Naaman– I get a vasectomy every third Tuesday just to keep my boxers from sagging in that, y’know, less than appealing fashion that they sag when, um, the yambag hasn’t been nipped and tucked in just the right way.

  • http://gravitylens.org heather

    There have been numerous ads here (Washington DC), including radio promos, for the laser hair removal. I’m so thinking about it. I means, guys have their nads zapped, and nothing gets injured. It can’t be that bad!

  • http://notjustcircle.blogspot.com/ JSN

    Bikini waxing scares me more than being accused of having 70′s bush in the heat of the moment.

  • http://bornalion.org jess

    oh dooce, i’ve totally had this happen to me before. and it wasn’t even spontaneous, i’d actually made the appointment and everything and she nearly killed me.

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April

    This is the first time I have ever fainted while reading dooce.com.

  • http://www.kaneblues.com/ kane

    It sounds as if this bikini waxer got the words “copulation” and “waxing” mixed-up; because you definately got screwed.

  • http://www.verbaldrool.com Totah DinÈ

    I’m thinking next time, a weed whacker.

  • Donna

    I know the feeling. My friend, who dragged me to the wax, informed me that I bled. The bikini waxer told her so.

  • http://www.ericalynn.com ericalynn

    yes, but, heather (commenter heather, that is) – the laser hair removal commercials you are hearing are more for people who want to remove hair from their faces and maybe legs and things like that. laser bikini removal is of course, done, but not really something they do often. anyway, I have had laser hair removal on my face and let me tell you, it is *painful* – a million times more painful than a waxing… so I would never in a million years suggest to do the laser down there… if it hurts that much on the face, ohhh boyyy….

  • Ex-liontamer

    Lemme get this straight. You hire someone to put wax next to WHERE?

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com The Mighty Jimbo

    Ok…I am SOOOO glad that I’m a man.

  • http://volume22.blogspot.com Scott

    This “spontaneous bikini wax” doesn’t sound like a scenario for a porno movie, it sounds more like a Bela Lugosi movie. Horrors!

  • http://www.battybaby.com batty

    I only ever had my bikini line waxed once in my life. The subsequent bruising was so bad that my bits were still icky bruise-yellow coloured when the regrowth started.
    (Normally I just lurk but I wanted to comment today – I feel your pain!)

  • http://www.shotwise.com shotwise

    On the way up to Memphis, there’s a massive billboard for “Quick Vascectomy Reversal.” That sounds painful…

  • ron

    sorry abt yr episode. today’s title made me smile because i have been learning to play big yellow taxi on the guitar.

  • http://mrslocore@yahoo.com slocore

    Good for you! Next time go for the Playboy wax and get any straggling butt hairs too.

  • http://www.leisureagency.org/blogatron Hilatron

    Long ago, I decided to give up the fight with my nether follicles. Now I can cross my legs without wincing, and no one has kicked me out of bed yet.

    Now, as for those who ran screaming before we even got to the bed part, that’s a different thing altogether…

  • http://www.zetad.com zach

    Boobies are so much less compicated.

  • http://www.zetad.com zach

    yes – compicated

  • http://www.misadventuresofagirl.blogspot.com cat

    oh i showed my dearly beloved what i go through…
    once he was taking a nap after i had suffered through a particularly nasty waxing that left me BRUISED. soooooo –
    i snuck upon the sleeping little angel, lifted his shirt and slathered his back with hot wax and yanked for all i was worth. he woke up screaming for his life and his mommy and the puppy he had when he was 10 and i said, “there. multiply that by 100 and think about why i’m grumpy.” now he never says anything if i allow things to um…take a walk on the wild side
    -if you will – for a little bit b/c i don’t have the courage to deal with the bloody torture of my nether regions…

  • http://www.turbanhead.com/mt ME

    It wasn’t a Brazillian, was it? The type of waxing I mean. Not the waxer.

  • http://harpold.com leslie

    oh honey, a skilled waxer is more valuable than a good haircutter or facialist. i’m so sorry you had to endure that horror of all horrors, and i hope you had a good supply of khiel’s lady shaverette lotion at home to help with the aftermath. (if not i suggest putting it on your xmas list!)

  • http://www.pumpkinjuice.com Jenny

    God. Please tell me where you were so I can make sure never to go there.

  • http://www.realityremixed.com Keith

    We men endure Scott Baio marathons on TVLand. If that’s not as emotionally painful and scarring as the physical aspects of a bikini wax, I don’t know what is.

  • http://keytoad.blogspot.com Greg

    While I’ve never done it, I might suggest that many gay men might empathize after a fashion, but straight men… no.

    Just remember that during waxings, periods, childbirth… well, either the Christians are right and God hates women or the angry lesibian feminists are right and ya’all’d be better off not subjegating yourselves to the standards set by men.
    Both may be frightening prospects, but at the end of the day you must ask… which one are you crawling into bed with?

    And I suggest that you make your spouse have his body plucked individually with rusty pliers to further your relationship. Appreciation is always a boon.

  • http://www.seamlessness.net Leslie

    my thighs have sympathy pains

  • audrey

    scott baio is my god

  • Desiree

    I was so freaked by the potential pain of bikini waxing that I only first had one years after I had a child and after I got tattooed; I did it in anticipation of a trip to Maui this last Sept., and I went for the gold on my first try by getting a playboy wax. I will never forget the first time I looked in a mirror afterward and was like “Hello, I haven’t seen you since I was like 10″! Though shockingly painful (at first), it’s so worth it.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    these are my best comments ever. it feels like i’ve unleashed a lurking grumble, and I say, let it ROAR.

  • http://www.blurbomat.com the non-waxed husband

    For the record, she was waxing before I entered the scene… I’m still grateful and respectful. And there is no male pain like female pain… Men, get over yourselves. We are walking sperm banks. Occasionally with beards.

  • http://thefourcorners.blogspot.com elizabeth

    Your description is so dreamlike, that I’m still having trouble convincing myself this really happened.

    Regardless, it confirms my conviction to stick to other, less painful, hair removal methods.

  • Glovia

    Desiree: you waxed the bottom system? That would be an even more tearful photo than of Dooce’s niece.

  • http://gravitylens.org heather

    Ericalynn: around here, any hairy part goes. I can’t remember the name of the company doing it now, but DC101 had a big promo recently, asking for guys to send in their scary back hair stories, and the best one would get about $6K worth of hair removal. Underarms, nads, backs, bikinis – anything goes.

  • http://nikkihoh.com Nikki

    I have an epilator under my bathroom sink collecting dust. I actually used to think it was pretty nifty until I tried epilating my underarms. It’s kind of like trying to remove hair by scraping it off with an exacto knife.

  • http://bill@billdugan.com dirtybilllover

    I shave, but using a product titled (no I’m not kidding) Coochy Creme. No bumps, no ingrown hairs, no razor burn, no chemical burn and no idiots who have no business near my coochy near my coochy.

  • dayna

    in the emerg dep’t i work at, we had a lovely woman come in a few months ago, after enduring a brazilian wax. she paid over 100 bucks (canadian, gasp!) to have half her labia burned off. i’m sure they can do marvellous things with plastic surgery these days….

  • http://www.thesafeword.com J from The Safeword

    I will admit to being a complete baby when I get my eyebrows waxed.

    However, I would rather get my entire body waxed than get another trans-glans genital piercing.

    Don’t make me post the video online.

  • http://www.beltzner.ca/ifeelafel Feelafel

    Yet another reason why every girl needs to get a set of nads.

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    Keith: did you seriously just compare Scott Baio marathons to bikini waxing???

  • RW

    erica asks, “is there anything that men do to themselves that is remotely as painful as what we do to ourselves?!”

    yes, erica. we go out with women.

  • Sheila

    N-A-I-R.

  • Aubrey #3

    Wow! I will never ask my wife to get one of these! Thank you Dooce! My wife will thank you too!
    –Aubrey

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    Dude, men. Did you not read the post? Did you not see what the Non-Waxed Husband had to say??? You sooooo can’t compete.

  • http://www.billdugan.com/log/ bill

    Um, Sheila… I’ve heard on good authority that N-A-I-R and your nether regions should NEVER be mixed. But, then, I’m a guy. You get on with your bad self.