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Tell it to Their Face for Christ’s Sake

A few things first: 1. I cannot possibly answer all of the email I have received in the last 24 hours in any timely fashion. Just know that I appreciate all of the kind words and wishes sent my way, some eloquent, some lovingly crude, some completely insane (I didn’t really need to see that [...]

Listening

The sound of children returning home from school. How sweet and utterly annoying.

Feeling Guilty

For sleeping until 11:30am. I have got to get over this.

How to Charm Me

Love me even though I keep you up all night by loudly coughing up chunks of my right lung.

How to Annoy Me

Suggest that I take the time-honored, courteous approach to expressing myself. Fuck you, you fucking motherfucker!

Thinking

I should have stolen more office supplies when I had the chance. Bugger!

Listening

To the sound of an entire company saying, “My god, was she a nut, or what?”

Feeling Guilty

For torturing the Asian database administrator so mercilessly. I will truly miss him.

How to Charm Me

Point out that now I can nap all goddamn day long.

How to Annoy Me

Take an X-ray of my abdomen while whistling the chorus to a Creed song. I will see you in Hell.