• http://www.blurbomat.com the husband

    I was thinking more along the lines of Asswipe Armstrong.

  • http://www.antisocialdiva.com antisocial diva

    my mother was going to name me myrtle which would have aged me 65 years automatically. regarding last names, i am an “f” and was always, always after toby fagan (a wrestler hottie) and brett fauver (an asshole who hated me in high school because his best friend dated me yet had the balls to ask me out after college) except for 12th grade english when i was behind jolee farah (a total ditz but i loved her hair) who didn’t know how to pronounce “hyperbole.”

  • SB

    When naming kids, you need to think in terms of your everyday usage (“Gus – time for dinner”), what you’ll say during those more trying times (“Asparagus Armadillo Armstrong, get your butt in here and explain why your little brother is duct-taped to the kitchen table!”), and what their peers will call them (“Hey, Ass…”)

  • http://www.ericandleandra.com leandra

    I think it’s awful that I wasted time lamenting about being an “S” as a kid, but now I’m a “G” and I still can’t find my damn paycheck in the monthly stack on the first try.

  • http://march.swifting.com david

    my last name starts with an M – and i decided that i absolutely love the boys’ name ‘miles’ [after miles davis] – and the middle name ‘atticus’ [after to kill a mockingbird] – miles atticus miller.

    but to name a boy alliteratively, go with atticus. such a cool old name. however, i believe that plain names will soon be the new cool. millions of jasons, alans and bills will rise again – once the current crop of peculiarly-named maximilians, aidans and evans begin waning in poopularity…

  • http://kflood.net Kyle Flood

    This is an issue my wife and I are having to deal with (naming a kid, that is…). For a boy we both love the name Noah, but with a last name like Flood that might be too cruel.

  • Wayne

    My last name starts with “W.” Plus, as a kid, I was tall and geeky (okay, not just as a kid…).

    Guess how much time I spent in the back?

    The “Come hither Heather Hamilton” comment reminds me of the old Steve Martin bit:
    “My mother named my sister and me HoyHoyHoyHoy and Pbpbpbpbpbpb….We had to move a lot.”

  • http://www.chriscrosdale.com Cros

    You can kill two birds with one stone — meaning the desire for alliteration AND the necessity for snappy porn star names in the future — if you go with Long Dong Armstrong.

  • r3

    My first, middle and last name all begin with r — and I’ve always though this was totally cool.
    When you name your kids, give them 3 a’s.

    To antisocial diva–my mother’s middle name was Myrtle–and she hated it. One of the worst names ever devised.

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    heh, i just wrote about this kinda thing myself.

    at least armstrong is a nice pleasant last name -the perils from the front of the line not withstanding. could have been blessed with the name hurlbutt or buttram or wilphart.

  • http://john@johnsjottings.com john

    I really wanted to name our first-born Cooper but we chickened out thinking about the tormenting he would recieve being called “Pooper” in his formative years.

    Connor is nice but Cooper would have been cooler.

    Since then I’ve run into a couple of celebs (well, run into mentions of them anyway) who have named a child Cooper, but I suppose being a star’s child gives you the upper hand to the taunters…

  • http://zchannie.blogspot.com zchamu

    I went to school in an area that had had a massive amount of Scottish immigration in the 1800s. Most kids’ names started with M, and likely Mac or Mc. So in your average class, there would be 5 kids who were “Adams” or “Bailey” or “Evans”, then 20 kids who were “MacAndrews”, “MacCartney,” “MacDoogle”, “MacFitzHerbert”, etc. So as an Mc, I came after all those damn Macs, and was usually about the fourth last in line. I longed to change my name, too – to anything that didn’t start with M. Friggin immigrants.

  • EC

    You also have to be careful that what you name him/her doesn’t rhyme with something else unsavory. I mean, who would name their child Brodey? Imagine all of the teasing that kid will get–Grody Brodey, grody, Brodey. They obviously didn’t think that through. My husband wouldn’t even let me think of naming my child Lorenzo, Mario or Ivan (in Spanished pronounced Yvonne). Reading the comments, I am reminded of that commercial where the the guy keeps calling the man “Dumb-ass” and the guy finally tells him it’s pronounced “Doo-maas.”

  • http://www.bluepixie.com blue

    If my partner and I were to combine our last names, we’d come up with either “Vanwaki” or possibly “Makwyck”. In highschool I already had sniggering friends calling me Vanwaki, which leads me to believe that our children might suffer…

  • Prudey McPruderson

    speaking of porn names… okay, just speaking of porn, ron jeremy was here two weeks ago doing stand-up comedy and neither my wife nor i knew who he was. none of our friends will hang out with us now. apparently, we’re a disappointment to all porn watching couples out there

  • http://www.deliriouscool.org Donna

    Being at the front of the line means you get first pick at the buffet table.

  • http://www.sourbob.com/ sourbob

    Re: Asswipe Armstrong

    Ever see the Ivan Brunetti cartoon where one parent of a newborn cheerfully says to the other: “Let’s name him ‘Faggot’”?

  • http://www.odessastreet.net lee

    That makes me think of a friend of mine whose father is a gynecologist. He named all of his children with the initials T.S.S. How fucked up is that?

  • Katherine

    I can complete relate to this topic. As a member of the Arthurs clan, I was always placed at the front of the line, and worse front of the class. First seat, first row…except in high school if Jim Arthur (no ‘s’ on his name) was in my class then I had true joy of first row, second seat. I love Jim for this reason…he was a good guy to take the bullet for me.

  • http://notjustcircle.blogspot.com/ JSN

    Having the little twerps in grade school taunt you in some rhymy way using your name isn’t going to scar anyone for life. I think a good, unusual name helps in the fight to grow up interesting. My brother always threatens to name his firstborn Theopolis Girdis, be it male or female. I’m all for it.

    Armstrong is a good name. You can really go for the power names with that! Just look at LANCE Armstrong, and his fortuitously named son LUKE Armstrong. How can the boy go wrong?

  • cyn

    When I was in school my last name started Ab. I was guaranteed to always be first. The only good thing was I usually got to sit right up front by the door…

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    i was always near the end. buggers. the only time i was in the front was when we were lined up for our class photo. this was arranged by height. i was always the shortest. and therefore, picked on relentlessly. and i was also always, therefore, sitting in front row for the photo. i really hated being in the front row. of course, i also hated being the shortest in class.

  • http://www.turbanhead.com/mt ME

    You should name the child Asshole Armstrong (pronounced A-Show-Lay). Tell everyoen it’s French or something

  • http://www.talkingcrow.com/blog/ rosebaby

    because it’s always about the dog… it’s interesting at the dog park to yell “Buck, off!”

  • Hank

    I think Carrie is doomed to fall in love with a guy named Greg Zoozle.

  • PJ

    Growing up with a fairly ethnic name that was constantly being mispronounced, I thought when I got married all that would be over, changing to one of the most common names in the country (OK, it’s Johnson). Within months, I had idiots asking me “How do you spell that?”
    When I was expecting, I liked ‘Leah’ for a girl’s name. “Over my dead body”, said my husband. “I’m not having anyone say about MY daughter: Let’s go LAY-A Johnson.” Point taken. It was a boy anyway.
    To The Husband: That brings to mind an old SNL sketch where the poor man has to remind them that it is pronounced ” oz-WEEP-ay.”

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    My parents thought it would be cool to name me such that my initials would spell a word. I was HARK for twenty years. Then I became HARP. (I’m kinda regretting that decision. Fucking cheating husband.)

  • http://www.boogiechurch.com/ Mb.

    My last name’s Balara, so I was always the second kid in line, which was great – when Adam Armstrong gets hit by an arrow, I’ve always got first dibs on his stuff.

  • http://coinz.org Shane

    I used to have a Stretch Armstrong when I was a kid.

  • http://www.xanga.com/e_monkey Renee

    My dad wanted to go with the alliteration, mom said “hell no”. If dad had his way, my destiny would have been decided by his naming me and I’d be a porn star. That and my initals would be NMN. I hear the taunts already.

  • PJ again

    How about ‘Avril’? I understand it means ‘April’ in French.

  • http://mygodshesaid.blogspot.com nifflet

    the obvious choice..

    Alabama Armstrong.

  • http://www.blurbomat.com the husband

    PJ, you are correct on the SNL reference. And that poor person was Nicolas Cage.

  • http://thewatergirl.blogspot.com the watergirl

    i’m an “m” and i’m a firm believer in moving up the alphabet ladder, not down. “m” is all right, though. you’re never first, but you’re also never last. the mediocrity of the middle for me!

    but i used to date an armstrong. and as i plan to name my first son “aidan” (it’s coming out of me, i get to name it!), that would have worked nice, or at least, i thought so. well, i mean, i wasn’t thinking about having kids with him, i just thought that it’d sound okay. crap. i dug myself into a hole. okay, i WAS thinking about what our kids would look like. sue me.

  • http://bathtubgin.blogspot.com the joker

    im damn partial to bootylicious armstrong.

  • http://punkly.com/know kate

    Legsweak Armstrong.

  • http://home.infi.net/~lex/lexblog.htm Lex Alexander

    Being an A rules. In grade school I always used to get annoyed if there was an Abnernathy or Adams ahead of me in class. And in high school, I usually got to sit next to the door, so I’d be able to get out in a hurry. Which had its advantages.

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April

    The one drawback to naming your kid alliteratively when your last name is Armstrong is that when your kid grows up and calls together a bunch of people, they might call that an AA meeting.

    For Heather #2, my initials spell A GEM, but it was purely by accident as my mother didn’t really think it through.

  • http://thebachelor.warnerbros.com/ allisonic

    if it’s a BOY: Anderson
    if it’s a GIRL: Allison, of course.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/hyker Brandon

    I never imagined that I would be taunted. After all what could possibly rhyme with Merritt that’s taunt worthy. Alas, Ferrit and Parrot were taught early on in grade school. But to be honest how bad is Ferrit Merritt? Total mobster name if you ask me. So I guess the point to my little segue’ is that no matter what you name your kids, some punk will figure out a way to make fun of it.

  • http://shotwise.com shotwise

    Anna Banana Armstrong, and yes, Banana’s her middle name, not a nickname.

  • The Other Erika

    1. I live in Encino the Jewish capital of the world.

    2.My last name is Godfrey so I’m always asked if it’s Gottfried & if I’m related to Gilbert.

  • http://www.moveablebeast.com peggy

    Acme Armstrong. Nobody messes with a kid named Acme.

  • hen

    I have an easily rhymable name, I got a lot of “heather mary weather,” “feather,” Also got the last name involved, “sorry Norrie”, or “dont worry Norrie” those ones were always yelled out rather than said.

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    I fucking finally get it! You sly little dogs, you! You’re scamming for kids’ names!

    (You can thank me later for starting what’s soon to be one of the biggest internet rumors in blog history.)

  • http://www.names.com The Inmate

    I say you do themes.

    Simple:

    Amy and Andy Armstrong

    Vegetarian:

    Artichoke and Avocado Armstrong

    Sea Vegetable:

    Alaria and Algae Armstrong

    Fruity:

    Apple and Apricot Armstrong

    Political:

    Armistice and Assasination Armstrong

    Communist:

    Anastacia and Alexander Armstrong

    Grammatical:

    Alliteration and Anagram Armstrong

    Geometric:

    Axis and Angle Armstrong

    Chemistry:

    Annulene and Amphoteric Armstrong

    Physics:

    Angstrom and Avogradro Armstrong

    New Age:

    Aura and Apparition Armstrong

    Internet Age:

    ARPA and ADSL Armstrong

    Web Geek:

    ASP and ActiveX Armstrong

    Native American:

    Apache and Arapahoe Armstrong

    The list goes on and on…..

  • MJ

    Inmate: That’s great! Laughed my ass off. Got any suggestions for Juliano. It’s Italian and I don’t want my kid to sound like a mobster(Guido, Mario, Rocco, Jimmy “the kid” etc.)
    And I agree with Heather #2, I think you two are fishing for names….
    Is there something you aren’t sharing?

  • http://panajane.blogspot.com Jane

    Artichoke Artemis Armstrong, duh! I also like Aidan and Aislynn, but you can’t have them because those are my future kids’ name. I am only 19, but you are never too young to have a 20 year plan.

    I am kidding about the 20 year plan. Hardly know what I am doing in the next week, let alone 20 years.

  • http:www.villapaita.com jimmypage

    (three intersecting circles) armstrong.

    or simply:

    jesus christ armstrong.

  • http://larue.blogspot.com Summer

    As the “mommy” of one fluffy little pooch named Boo Radley I have to second the motion on Atticus Armstrong.

    Other ideas for boys or girls:
    Atlas
    Adonis
    Ariel
    Adam
    Aphrodite
    Athena
    Angel
    America
    Asher

    not Aeneus though.. definately not Aeneus.