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I’ve Got This Great Idea for a Bold New Ad

There’s like this totally desolate area, except it’s not totally desolate. Maybe it’s quasi-desolate. Yeah, that’s it, quasi. And there’s a city with buildings, but there are no people anywhere, and it’s all very post-apocalyptic and shit. No one is doing post-apocalyptic and shit these days, so we’re being very edgy that way. And when [...]

Class of Ninety-Three

Jon and I have been watching this relatively new reality show on the WB called “High School Reunion,” and I hate to even admit this, but it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I watch it with my hands over my eyes and an emergency whiskey sitting an arm’s length away. I’m sure it’s not [...]

Things that are, like, totally bothering me

Mormons who believe that driving over the speed limit will prevent them from achieving their eternal salvation. I’m certain that given an open road, God would totally haul ass. The Earthlink customer service representative handling my complaint who has apparently gone AWOL. He won’t return my phone calls or my emails, even the one in [...]

February 5, 2003

The Loni Anderson Effect

So I’m on the phone with my father last night, and it is reiterated to me as it was throughout my childhood that the two most important things about a woman are her boobs and her cooking. And so I turn to Jon, my darling husband, and I say, “It’s always the same with him, [...]