How to Annoy Me
Turn on a “Wiggles” video and leave me alone with your 4-yr old, you heartless, cruel monster.
How to Charm Me
Hug me before you hug the dog even though he’s so excited you’re finally home from work that he’s jumped up on your back and wrapped his paws around your head.
Feeling Guilty
For taking “Real World: Las Vegas” way too seriously.
Reading
God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz
Enjoying
Escalate
Thinking
I shouldn’t admit publicly that I used to think “period pieces” were movies about menstruation.
Armstrongs are American, too
So the world is just a piece of crap and this war continues to make no sense and families are being destroyed as Dan Rather sits smugly from the safety of his make-up chair. The fucking dog across the street will not stop barking, and I really can’t blame him because I’d bark all day [...]
How to Annoy Me
Smell my dog’s feet and then gag loudly. What the hell did you expect, mother?
How to Charm Me
Suggest that the reason one of the men on “Married by America” is so grumpy is because “he isn’t getting any in the pooper.”
Feeling Guilty
For using the words “dry-hump” in association with Granny.
