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All Of Family’s Neuroses Projected Onto Dog

How to Annoy Me

Think that you can drive your car around like a total moron because you’ve paid your tithing and nothing bad can happen to you. News flash, buddy: I CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.

How to Charm Me

Comfort me by holding me and whispering gently in my ear, “One box at a time, baby. One box at a time.”

Feeling Guilty

For watching Operation Dumbo Drop instead of painting the back room.

Listening

Blur: Think Tank

Thinking

Don’t mind me and my hormones, we’ll get back to being ONE PEACHY PERSON real soon.

No, Seriously

I’m so not kidding when I say that the boxes in the masthead above are an exact representation of the state of my new home at this moment. I’m also not kidding when I say that my front yard is covered in as many empty boxes as full boxes inside the house, and that this [...]