• http://blab-o-rama.com Beerzie Boy

    I’m so proud of myself that I said it twice.

  • pinky

    What about a flowering plant? Your annoying stepfather can water it while mom’s away. Then, if you sneak over and eat all the bologna, you can blame it on the plant.

  • http://www.irish-girl.com irish-girl

    now i’m going to have that song in my head ALL DAY.

    “see the girls with the curls in their hair. the buttons and the pins and the loud fanfare…”

    just keep your mitts off joey.

  • http://www.nothing.com krotchbat

    A nice Chaus or Liz Claiborne blouse always works for my mommy.

  • http://www.bachelor.com allisonic

    How about the best of The Bee Gees?

  • april

    Ahhhh. My first love used to sing “I’m gonna miss you” over the phone every night before I’d have to leave for family vacations. I think I’d STILL cry if I heard it now. I still have the cassette single amongst the fake gas station roses and teddy bears that he gave me.

  • bdk&e

    Maybe you should have come with us to the Paint Your Own Pottery Place. We’re giving the Grandma’s ceramic multi-colored dinosaurs. K. picked them out and painted them his 3 year-old-self. And I promise not to take your big toe nail off with the Pottery Store door. I promise.–As for your lawn, (1.) At least its not as bad as ours. (2.) At least Chuck was wearing Forced Safari.

  • jodi

    dooce… you ROCK! Every time I come to this site (several times a day… I have a boring job) you are saying something that makes me pee my pants. $4.50 for coffee…indeed.
    My mom? She once told me that all she wants is for me to be happy. So I told her I was divorcing my husband and shaking up with a man 7 years older with an 11 year old daughter. She freaked. Now, she won’t answer that “What do you want for Mother’s Day” question anymore…

  • bdk&e

    Do any of us ever proof read anymore?

    I mean at least Chuck WAS NOT wearing Forced Safari.

  • John

    Doocer,
    You should get you mom a nice travelling alarm clock. She IS the leading blah blah blah of Avon you know.

  • http://www.google.com peudepois

    I’m getting my mother (the woman who has everything), a book about mothers with pictures of animals and funny sayings. I found it at CVS next to the card section. I think it’s by Hallmark. Yeah, it is cheesey, but my mom loves the cheese…

  • peudepois

    Or you could get her the Dr. Seuss Book, “Are you my mother?”

  • http://translucent.nu Katie

    Definitely an Interpol CD will do the trick. Because the subways are pornos in NY and Stella is a catatonic sex toy.

  • http://www.714reasons.blogspot.com Davey Wahlberg

    Oly smack. I totally forgot about “Tonight”. Now I really wanna hear it. I think I’m comfortable with that. Does that make me a bad person?

  • http://alex.mauldin.com alex

    I’m stuck on the whole what-to-buy-the-mom-who-doesn’t-have-everything-but-she-thinks-she-does thing, too.

    One thing I won’t get her is a funeral. Apparently she’s made all the arrangements already, including making payments to the local funeral home for a year. This came up unexpectedly over nachos and enchiladas the other day. Lemme tell you, nothing goes with Mexican food quite like the burial instructions for your mom. At least she’s paying for it. I don’t plan on being so generous to my kids.

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April

    How about a coupon or gift certificate treating her to an all day pampering at some healthy spa of some kind… like for back rubs and stuff?

  • http://alex.mauldin.com alex

    Things I Will Not Get My Mom For Mother’s Day: a bucket, a NKOTB cd, a cigar, a dildo, a Steven Segal dvd three-pak, bubble gum, an umbrella, shaving cream, a pencil, marshmellows, a fishing pole, an axe, a bra, a bag of nails, or a christmas tree.

    I know. Obviously I don’t love her as much as some of you love your moms. But I’m working on it.

  • http://www.rightmoon.com melly mel

    For my first trip ever NYC (it was a high school field trip) my chaperone “Toph” made cool red t-shirts with white puffy lettering that read “Hangin’ Toph – New Kids on the Square”. Get it? “Toph”? “New Kids on the[Times] Square”? oh, okay, you do get it. Anyway, when we were downtown at some very gay men’s clothing store, we saw Jordan (we ogled and giggled but, oddly for 14-year olds, did not approach him). He saw us staring at him and gave us the middle finger. A few hours later we saw him at Tower Records, and when he made eye contact with me, he flipped me off again. Why does Jordan hate me?

  • http://www.cumkleen.com/ anna jr.

    click my name to link to the best mother’s day present EVER!

    and it’s good for father’s day, birthdays, graduation presents, housewarmings (jimbo), and so on.

    really, any occasion.

  • http://www.swirlspice.com Erica

    Wow, y’all are high rollin’. My mom is getting the breakfast entree of her choice at the local Perkins-like chain, the pleasure of my company, and maybe even the pleasure of my dad’s absence.

  • http://yahmdallah.blogspot.com/ Yahmdallah

    Get her “The Best of Tom Jones.” Ten to one you’ll catch her cranking “She’s a Lady” when she’s polishing the furniture.

    Whoa whoa whoa, she’s a lady!

  • EC

    I thank yer gonna need the weed wacker fer that one, Miss.

    I like Anna jr’s suggestion. Too bad they’re not available in strawberry scent.

  • http://www.deadjournal.com/~wiccanwillow Sara

    Get her a Pete Seeger CD. Does it get any better?

  • http://suburbanbliss.blogspot.com/ Melissa

    Every Year:
    My brother buys ‘Godiva Coffee’ for my mother.

    My sister buys nothing.

    My brother in law buys his parents a rose bush year after year. It’s a ‘tradition’ that’s become a way of giving the same stupid gift every year and have it be meaningful. Please note this for your own use.

    I buy something relating to the grandchildren (my mother’s first and only), a picture in a frame. A casting of their little hands. A garden stepping stone.

    Dooce, having a baby is the EASIEST way to a neverending stream of thoughtful gifts for the parents.

    Melissa

    As for that lawn mower. Holy Hell…if Logan had that thing he’d be *begging* to mow the freaking lawn.

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    Carrot slices in the jello???

    Oh, for the love of Pete!

  • http://www.forml.com Paul

    I bought that exact same lawnmower on Monday at Sears. I’ve been so exited to try it out but it’s rained every day since, then on Thursday I saw a break in the storms and mowed 6 inches of soggy lawn.

  • http://jessca.leavinghere.com/ jessca

    ohmygod New Kids!
    *tears self out of happy grade school past*
    whew that was a fun memory, thanks! lol

  • http://www.eddoandco.com eddeaux

    Mom’s day gift ideas that are gay, but mom likes-

    I went to a place in Denton, TX called Kil’n Time- you paint pottery and then they glaze and fire it. It was fun, 35.00 dollars, and the perfect gift for the mom who has everything. Unfortunately, I waited too long so it won’t be ready until Wednesday…

  • http://www.devoted-surfer.com/lovedump elyse

    try having a sister who works at starbucks – for the mom who loves coffee, nothing’s better than getting a free pound per week. *shakes head*

  • archtop

    How about a 5gig iPod and an offer to load 4.9 gigs of Avon contacts??? (5 gig old models go for song)

  • archtop

    DO NOT buy a Briggs & Stratton Sears!!! Get a Honda mower, YOU WILL NOT REGRET THAT!!!!

  • http://www.kevynnmalone.blogspot.com Kevynn Malone

    Pretty damn cool lookin’ contraption there.

  • ChibaCity

    A lawn mower. In Utah. Well, as they say in California, so long as the aqueducts flow, so long as the Pharaoh’s geometers have calculated the gradients correctly, then it’s bread and circuses ’til the valley earth salts up. Beyond the hundredth meridian indeed.

  • http://ofadam.com Adam

    Make sure the lawn mower looks cool. Because they *can* be a fashion accessory these days. Remember, reliability is second to fashion. Always.

  • http://fudgeit.blogspot.com bushra

    ditto archtop on the whole briggs and stratton thing. we have a japanese one at home now, but it ain’t honda. imagine a wishlist with lawnmowers on it…

  • http://www.siteway.com/ Antony

    “Tonight” is by far the best song recorded by NKOTB.

  • http://www.daymented.com dayment

    Hey Dooce – let’s do a CD trade!

  • http://www.gimmenoise.com renee

    Wasn’t “Tonight” the NKOTB song that was a ripoff of a later Beatles song? (like last two albums–Abbey Road or Let It Be). I remember telling my sister that, even though she was only 2 years younger than me. She was into all that stuff, New Kids, Debbie Gibson, etc., while I never was. And I got dragged to a Debbie Gibson concert once but I don’t remember it at all, so I must have blocked it out of my memory completely…Well, maybe I’m just remembering wrong about NKOTB. Maybe I’m just a little too drunk. Shit, who knows! =P

  • http://zandria.blogspot.com Zandria

    At least you’re getting one of those self-propelled mowers. I live with my sister, and she bought her own house last May but still hasn’t gotten around to buying a lawnmower yet. Last year her then-boyfriend also lived with us, and he would go to my mom’s house (about 4 miles away) to borrow their mower, and then mow the grass for us. They’re not together anymore — needless to say the grass isn’t being cut as often as it needs to be.

  • arnold

    It’s congA not congO. Unless you mean drums from the Congo which is now Zaire. I think.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    arnold, here’s your congo drum, drumbsnob: http://www.ermine-ind.com/congo.htm

  • http://delicateflower.prettyposies.com melanie

    i’m getting my mom some books to read during her chemotherapy treatments.

  • J

    damn. I had the biggest crush in the world on Donny Wahlberg. And now he’s this walking brick wall. Donny baby what happened?
    Although I have to say that because I have this tranluscent veneer of street cred (only apparent in certain light), I pretend I don’t know who they’re talking about when people mention NKOTB. *hangs head in shallow shame*
    Forgive me Donny. Ours will always have to be a secret lurve…

  • J

    Dooce, I also just had to say that your site has GOT to come with a gov health warning because dammit! it’s so addictive!

  • eponymous

    A couple of years back I got my mother one of the “Worst Case Senario” books. I am not sure, but I don’t think that she saw the humor in it.

  • http://www.injust-spring.com Alex

    Hey, I knew my iPod library wasn’t complete until I had “Tonight” by NKOTB on it. Because really, after “Step by Step” and “Didn’t I Blow Your Mind” no library is complete without “Tonight.”

  • bk

    I have that same mower… only it’s the model from 2 years ago, and it doesn’t have the variable speed feature. If your blade goes dull, it will drop a ton of grass poopies, so that’s when you know it’s time to buy a new blade. Mow on!

  • http://www.pbase.com/bast Bast Herself

    First!
    Hey at least you don’t have the razor grass they had to go through on Eco-Challenge.

    Poor Chuck.

    Enjoy mowing!!

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    I think my mom is going to be way into Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I started her mix off with “Baby baby you sure like to fuck!”

    P.S. I still listen to my Milli Vanilli tape. Once, I listened to it while making out. I wonder what he though.

  • http://queserasera.blogspot.com Sarah B.

    Thought. What he THOUGHT.