• w

    very charming, dooce. for my college graduation the girls (that would be me) had to wear white dresses and the guys had to wear tuxedos. we looked like a bunch of brides and grooms, i.e. ridiculous.

  • http://www.antisocialdiva.com antisocial diva

    you do look like a badass motherfucker! now i’m nostalgic and wanna find my diploma. luckily, though, i refused to go to graduation. i think it was some principle that i wouldn’t take part in what the masses were taking part in which, without a doubt, paved the way for my current antisocial lifestyle.

  • feveredego


  • http://www.swirlspice.com Erica

    So that’s where “big pimpin’” came from.

  • http://home.bendcable.com/macmonkey/dailybanana/dailybanana.html Chris

    Is it really true that you can be a female and graduate BYU without being married? :)

  • http://kflood.net Kyle

    And then there’s those of us that didn’t learn what a waste of time a B.Sc. is the first time around, and go back for a second.
    *looks at diplomas on wall, shakes head*

    I’m wearing adidas almost exactly like those *right now*.

  • http://www.eddoandco.com eddeaux

    Well, I am a 6’5″ grown man and I graduated from Texas Womans University- when I look at my diploma- it looks like a twisted joke- yes, in 1990 this all girl school went CO-ED-I thought that ED part was me- apparently I am just special Ed.

    The look with the Addidas is like fresh money ready to be spent.

  • boomer

    some of us just wish we could stop working long enough to graduate from college… ;) Run DMC would be proud.

  • Wimbledon Wannabee

    Box #637 = finished.

    Only 914 little “treasure troves” to go!

    Was there anything written on the outside of this particular box? Perhaps: “Hairdryers & bedsheets”? Ever open a labeled box and say to yourself: “Was I on drugs when I wrote that label”?!? Been there. Done that.

    How is the pile doing? Do the neighbors still think you might be “Louise-y” reincarnated?

  • Wimbledon Wannabee

    Correction: It wasn’t Louise-y (wrong TV show). It was ‘Lizabeth. (I think)

  • EC

    College? I don’ need no stinkin’ college.

  • http://www.discarnate.org matt

    if only all my pictures looked so elegant.

  • http://www.peavinewinds.com/weblog/ certified

    I’m that guy who walked through graduation, but a year and a half later has not received his diploma for what reason again? Oh yeah, I still have to take ONE fucking class.

  • http://hammerland.net/ Xanthan

    For years, I hung the my MBA diploma over the toilet… but only because I couldn’t figure out how to permanently adhere it to the bottom of the bowl in a fashion where it wouldn’t deteriorate.

  • zchamu

    My god, you make me laugh, Dooce. “badass motherfucker”..heeee. Thanks!

  • Carla Beth

    Okay, people, I’m thirty-two freakin years old AND guess what? I’m doing the cap and gown thing two weeks from Saturday. It was sex, drugs and rock-n-roll in my twenties, and now it’s masturbation, chocolate and Kenny G. God how I HATE black satin. God how I hate FAUX black satin even more. But I am doing the sexy girl thing, because I never do the sexy girl thing. This B.S. is wearing four-inch stilletos to graduation. Faux snakeskin purchased for $7 at a yard sale. And in this hot weather I’m wearing nothing under the stupid gown except for Wonder Woman Underoos, if I can schlep some off of eBay in my size. (Remember those?!) Another whammy … my senior fucking thesis is due MONDAY. This Monday. And I haven’t started. Anyway, I’m so glad I’m finally graduating. I’ve always wanted to be a waitress.

  • http://jde.blogspot.com julia

    i got my first two college parking tickets (after fucking 3 years and 6 months of parking illegally and faking permits) in the last few weeks before graduation. i seriously would not have paid them (mostly due to losing them, partly due to my youthful badassmotherfuckerness) if the same damn letter hadn’t been sent to my parents. my dad pulled the “i’m disappointed that you’re so irresponsible” act.

    oh okay, i never really had any youthful badassmotherfuckerness in me. i just lost the tickets.

  • http://www.brochspot.com/blog Broch

    I just wish a few of their missionaries would approach me once. My wife left me for a mormon, and I am none too fond.

  • http://www.kevynnmalone.blogspot.com Kevynn Malone

    Burn it and send the ashes to them…

  • http://suburbanbliss.blogspot.com Melissa

    I will never get my college diploma because of gym.

    Unfortunately I am not kidding.

    I also don’t have those cool shoes.

  • Ana

    oh my…nice hairdo though…

  • http://canadianfunk.blogspot.com Dr_Funk

    Whoa. Its like Reservoir Dogs goes to college….

  • http://www.rightmoon.com melissa

    Two tickets=$20 at BYU? Wow… At my beloved alma mater, tickets started at $55 and went up from there. How do I know? Because I got more than a dozen of them (hello…if I’m on campus practicing and studying until 1 a.m. I’m not walking home by myself in the dark).
    I knew the whole “higher education” thing had gone badly when my mother quoted me as saying “There’s no way those last two tickets are mine. I haven’t been to class in weeks.”

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    your future’s so bright…

  • http://ofadam.com Adam

    Well, damn. Looks like I have something to look forward to… time to plan my rebellious act.

  • Carla Beth

    Holy smokestacks! Sorry for another Carla Beth moment, but I found authentic Wonder Woman Underoos on eBay! Never opened! A girl’s size large, which might fit me! Sadly, they’ve been bidded up from $4.99 to $137 with the clock still ticking. But still … my first look at my childhood since the 70s!

  • http://fauxhemia.blogspot.com kate

    absolutely stellar post. byu sounds like quite an adversary.

  • http://anordinaryboy.com/blogger.html alex kidd

    you think that’s funny, listen to this. i wore a pair of… oh wait, i never graduated. fucking lsd.

  • http://footinmouthdisease.blogspot.com/ Naaman


  • http://www.seancoburn.com/blog.htm Seany

    Bad to the motherfucking bone.

  • http://keurigirl.diaryland.com Stephanie

    Alex!! You just made me spit out my diet coke all over my computer screen! :) Ah well. ’twas worth it.

  • http://www.filteringcraig.com FilteringCraig

    There has been a God-shoe-selection-war going on for years. Nike offered a $30,000,000 contract and a guarantee that God can have as many bathroom breaks as (s)he needs. Adidas couldn’t quite match that and Reebok wasn’t willing to set the precedent of allowing employees to have bathroom breaks. Plus God is still holding a grudge against Nike for the whole “Heaven’s Gate” thing.

  • http://tcrown.blogspot.com John

    I went to a small Reformed Church liberal arts college in Iowa to be a minister. We got to debate things like whether you should touch when you dance. I didn’t have a car, but I had to make good on a $0.79 bad check to some truck stop to get the paper. Colleges get commissions on stuff like that.

  • Jodi (not the one with the cool blog)

    I am one of those who spent 5 years in college and never graduated (that one farking class scenario.) But I DID go walk at graduation! My parents drove 500 miles to see me walk across the stage. That was 1990, and they still have no clue I didn’t actually receive a diploma! I’m just so damn proud of myself… (snort.)

  • http://www.unapologetics.org nessa

    i never walked at graduation. i didn’t send out announcements or have a party or anything. but you best believe the whole fucking world will hear about it when i get my masters.

  • http://thebachelor.warnerbros.com/ allisonic

    Jackie Brown ain’t got nuthin on you, dooce.

  • http://appleshell.blogspot.com AppleShell

    Those are some bad ass Adidas shoes. Brings back memories of Run D.M.C. and Aerosmith.

  • http://pocketchange.blogspot.com/ holly

    My college turned my parking ticket over to a collection agency that hounded me for a while. Then the ticket was turned over to the State and the state threatened to take it out of my state refund. Thirteen years later they are still threatening me. Its all about the principle of the matter.

  • http://plentifool.com chris

    my school found a way around sending collections after me and my family when my parking tickets piled up… they towed me. that was a pretty good way of getting the attention of a particularly unwealthy college student!

  • Spicoli


    I’ll one-up ya… Try six years in college (in the midwest), parents flew in from Cali, Gramma flew in from Ohio, aunt flew in from NY, walked in ceremony along with my future wife (who did graduate), had a big after-party… 3 years later no one has a clue that I’m 2 classes shy of an actual degree — even the wife!

    Actually, I work for a nice-sized conglomerate who also believes I graduated. This shite will bite my ass 20 years from now I’m sure.

  • http://righteousredhead.blogspot.com Eddie

    I don’t understand why colleges, particularly private colleges with huge endowments, are such nazis about parking tickets. Don’t they get enough of my money from tuition?
    During my undergrad years I received no less than ten, $100 parking tickets for parking in a handicapped spot DESPITE the fact that I rightfully owned a state-issued handicapped parking sticker. I was ticketed because I didn’t have the college-issued handicapped sticker. Apparently, the secretaries of the college health center and campus police had more auhtority to deam me handicapped than my orthopaedic or the state board of physicians. I found this ridiculous (for obvious reasons). Prime parking is one of the few benefits that I received after surviving cancer and I wasn’t about to give it up! I fought the tickets all the way to the dean of student affairs and graduated without having to pay for even one.

    PS: Dooce, you rock. The Adidas are perfect!

  • bigbigtruck

    “I could go on forever pretending that I had never attended college, which in the grand scheme of things would have gotten me as far as earning a degree from BYU anyway.”

    As a graduate from a stick-up-the-arse Baptist college, I raise my glass (well, bottle of Minute Maid) to you.
    Beautifully written.

  • http://www.maenfraem.com/ yafujifide

    That’s a very good picture.

  • http://www.houseofwinds.com brixton

    Fab. I graduated in a lace dress, high heels, and blue sunglasses – and by the end of the afternoon my face was beet red. Nice….

  • joy

    Oh wow. Your father sounds a lot like my father. It’s scary to think that there is more than one father in the world like that.

  • http://blipsman@mindspring.com Benjy

    My college actually gave me my diploma despite 2 outstanding parking tickets. Instead they just kept increasing the frequency of the letters requesting payment.

    First it was monthly for about 2 months, then bi-weekly, then weekly. Finally once I figured they’d spent about $50 on postage, I paid the two $25 tickets.

  • http://blab-o-rama.com Beerzie Boy

    God has shoe preferences? I was thinking he was the Puma type, but then again, I went to a secular university.

  • britt

    I did not attend my graduation from Villanova after receiving my Masters in Biology….instead I played in a co-ed doubles volleyball tournament, won, and made $300. Drove home and passed the school and gave them the bird, with both hands. Had I known about Dane Cook back then, I would have gone with “suck my back!!”

  • http://mihow.com mihow

    Aside from the comedic bit about the shoes and those super sunglasses, the photo itself is sort of funny. I find it odd that there is no one around, that the mountain forms a “Y-like” shape directly atop the huge, painted “Y” on the building behind you, and lastly, the painted “Y” can be read as a thought bubble.

  • jodi-no-blog


    I was gonna send a funny e-mail to you about not having a diploma and all, but didn’t know if the formerly mention wife would read it and want to smack you.

    Let me know if its ok.