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Listening

Bishop Allen: Charm School

Reading

TiVo’d

Thinking

If the baby in my womb has its legs crossed during tomorrow’s ultrasound, I am totally going to put him/her into a time-out.

How to Annoy Me

Ask me a question from the other room and keep repeating it even though I can’t hear you. I know I do this, too, but it’s not annoying when I do it.

How to Charm Me

Forgive me for calling you at work when I’m right in the middle of peeing.

Good Dog

Commands my dog understands: Sit. Stay. Down. Roll. Come. Shake paws. Stop licking the couch. No more cheese. No. No, no, no, no, NO. Uuuhhh, uh. Uhhhhh, uh. UHHHHH, UH. Don’t tell Papa I gave you this. Zip it. Wait… wait… I SAID WAIT. Oh God, stop it, that is so sick. Kisses! Commands my [...]

Feeling Guilty

For the level of panic I experienced when I thought for a few seconds that the TiVo hadn’t recorded last week’s episode of “Temptation Island.”

Enjoying

The Latest Works