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Feeling Guilty

For thinking impure thoughts when I first saw the packaging for these portable puddings.

Thinking

I can safely blame iTunes for Windows when my child asks why I can’t help her pay for her college education.

How to Annoy Me

Try to convince me that the reason I’m so constipated is because I just need to relax. MAY YOU NEVER POOP AGAIN.

How to Charm Me

Try not to laugh when in a fit of rage (and obviously suffering from a severe case of placenta brain) I refer to someone as a “tight-ass core hunt.”

Note to Self: Please Remember These Things Next Time You Start to Fall For Those Baby Gap Ads That Make Going Through Pregnancy

At 2:34am this morning I scurried blurry eyed into the bathroom for my nightly pee break, the first in what is usually three to four stumbling trips past bulky furniture and through menacing doorways that seem to grab my pinky toes every time I walk by. I’ve grown to appreciate these nocturnal pee runs as [...]

Listening

The Wrens: The Meadowlands