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Feeling Guilty

For referring to the baby in my womb as my “deliverable.”


Bless This Din

It’s My Birthday, Too

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday, and although I think I reached a point several birthdays ago where turning a year older wasn’t necessarily a thing to celebrate, I’d have to say that this birthday in particular is the one I’ve been trying to stave off more than any other. There is nothing even remotely redeeming [...]

12 Weeks And Counting

Jon and I just got back from my 12-week checkup where we heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling right now, a mixture of disbelief, fear, excitement, terror, heartburn, and ongoing nausea, but I can definitely say that those thumping little pulses make it so much easier [...]


Justin DeGarmo Studio

How to Annoy Me

Refer to San Francisco as “Frisco” and expect me to take you seriously.


That I don’t find this offensive pretty much means I’ve lost any chance I had a being a punk rock mom.

How to Charm Me

Resist the urge to yank the sauerkraut out of my trembling hands when you’ve just witnessed how much sauerkraut I’ve eaten in the last 10 minutes.

Feeling Guilty

For eating that much sauerkraut and then expecting my husband to sleep in the same bed as me.

Just a Few of the Things Around My House That Will Forever Conjure the Sensation of Dry Heaving

1. Downey Fabric Softener, with an April Fresh Shit Scent. You’d think with a name like “softener” they’d actually make the thing smell soft, but I can smell this stuff outside when I’m standing in the yard picking up dog poop. When I’m actually standing in the basement taking clothes out of the dryer I [...]