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Reading

“To blame every American transgression on the culture is to absolve Americans of any responsibility for anything.”

Basketball Diaries

Earlier this evening my five-year-old nephew beat me at a game of basketball. He beat me and I wasn’t even trying to let him win. The kid doesn’t even know how to tie a pair of shoes and he wiped the driveway with my ass. I’m trying not to take this personally because I’ve never [...]

Everybody Hurts

A partially ingrown toenail has descended upon our household, and I’m not sure there are words that can communicate just how awful is the awfulness of the pain and the ache and the affliction, and did I mention that it was awful? According to sources close to the toenail, the pain goes all the way [...]

The Armstrong Returning of the Garbage Disposal Disaster

Last October the Armstrong family bought a dishwasher in the hopes that when we die we will go to heaven like all the other dishwasher-owning parents who sterilize bottles. I’m still a little confused as to how someone who bottle feeds their baby can end up in heaven, though, even if they sterilize the nipples, [...]

Thinking

This website definitely needs more cowbell.

Pictures of My Daughter With Her Screaming Mouth Closed, Plus One Of The Dog Begging For A Bite Of My Pop Tart

Tinky Winky, My Baby’s New Binky

Earlier this week I watched an episode of “Teletubbies” for the first time. I had heard that they were annoying what with all the repetitive dancing and squeaking and insane maniacal giggling, but I think that the people who told me they were annoying were the same people who have never had to deal with [...]

How to Charm Me

Say that you are “thh-free years old” because you just learned how to make the TH sound.

Thinking

MUST. STOP. EATING. MALT. BALLS.

Reading

Woman Looks Great For A 32-Year-Old