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Feeling Guilty

For abusively and obnoxiously wrapping pasta around my dog’s snout and posting pictures of it on my website.

The Italian Job

About a year ago I said something on this site about how I felt guilty for wrapping spaghetti around Chuck’s snout just so that I could watch him bare his fangs and try to get it off. I have received email from The Anti-Spaghetti Around the Dog’s Snout People who seem to think that subjecting [...]

Reading

“We’re doing a thing that normally results in a baby, but in this case only leads to severe chafing and lifelong nightmares of being chased by a giant pink wolf through a swamp.”

How to Annoy Me

Forget to phrase an answer on “Jeopardy!” in the form of a question.

Thinking

Oh, the inhumanity of a formula-fed baby’s poopy diaper! GEE-YUCK.

Listening

Wilco: A Ghost is Born

How to Charm Me

Try to take a bite out of Leta’s stuffed duck and run away whimpering when it quacks at you, you stupid stuffed duck-eating dog.

I know I said that I wouldn’t talk about them anymore, but if yours were as sore as mine you’d be talking about them, too

I didn’t think it was possible to shock my father any more than he has been Heather-shocked, but last night on the phone when I told him that I had cabbage in my bra he nearly choked as his lung got lodged in his throat. I figured that if the Internet knows this about me, [...]

The Beginning of the End of All This Talk About My Boobs

Leta slept in a little later this morning, until about 7:20 AM. Since we’ve been back from San Francisco she’s been going to bed at 6 PM and waking at 6 AM, so this morning I lay there awake waiting for her morning noises, little grunts and sighs and gurgles that say, “Please come get [...]

The Birthday Without the Puking and the Screaming