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Thank GOD the Red Sox won! This means that I should be able to poop for the next 86 years STRAIGHT.

If you’re looking for Chuck’s adoption story, here it is

Did I ever tell you about that one time someone stole my dog? Yeah, her name was Bootsie, and she was a five-month-old terrier mix that we met at the Burbank Humane Society, and I loved her and she loved me. Her whole body was black except for her feet; they were white. That’s why [...]

How to Annoy Me

Spend all that money remodeling your house, and then stick the air conditioning unit RIGHT IN FRONT, like a booger or a scab that begs to be flicked.

When the Discovery Channel meets real life

The Republican National Committee is sponsoring a series of ads in Utah that feature God’s voice condemning a candidate for governor for being a Democrat. God quotes the candidate in his booming, omniscient voice, “I am what I am, A DEMOCRAT.” And you can hear the thundering sound of windows being boarded up all over [...]

When I say Jesus, you say Jesus, say Jesus. JESUS!

I just had an acid flashback to Vacation Bible School. Forgive me, Jesus.