Thank GOD the Red Sox won! This means that I should be able to poop for the next 86 years STRAIGHT.
Did I ever tell you about that one time someone stole my dog? Yeah, her name was Bootsie, and she was a five-month-old terrier mix that we met at the Burbank Humane Society, and I loved her and she loved me. Her whole body was black except for her feet; they were white. Thatâ€™s why [...]
Spend all that money remodeling your house, and then stick the air conditioning unit RIGHT IN FRONT, like a booger or a scab that begs to be flicked.
The Republican National Committee is sponsoring a series of ads in Utah that feature Godâ€™s voice condemning a candidate for governor for being a Democrat. God quotes the candidate in his booming, omniscient voice, â€œI am what I am, A DEMOCRAT.â€ And you can hear the thundering sound of windows being boarded up all over [...]
I just had an acid flashback to Vacation Bible School. Forgive me, Jesus.