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Not only did I tell Jon, I’m telling the Internet

The realtor we used to by our house is a bit of a gasbag, and no offense to realtors, but are any of them not? He drives a Lexus and lives on the poshest street in the city and is so short I could use him as a stool to reach the flour at the [...]

Reading

Ode to My Winter Coat “But today, by the reading on the thermometer It was cold enough for me to burrow into your entrails Just like Han Solo and Luke Skywalker burrowed into the entrails of that giant thing they killed in that one Star Wars movie. The Empire Strikes Back, I believe it was.”

The medicine cabinet of a dog who won’t fetch

If given the choice between fetching an object or death from prolonged exposure to hot forks of displeasure Chuck would prefer the latter each and every time. The dog just isn’t a fetcher which makes our job of exercising his bony ass somewhat tricky. I try to take him on at least one long walk [...]

Let us rejoice and be glad

Dave, Beth’s husband who always ends up with half of his meal on his face and who owned half cow print, half acid wash shorts in college, took this photo of Leta and me doing a Hava Nagila dance in front of the truck I had parked in front of their crazy neighbor’s house. You [...]

The Biggest Breakthrough in Food Storage this Millennium

So Beth called and was all, “So, um, do you want to come to a tupperware party with me?” And I was all, “Um, Beth, you just said, ‘tupperware party.’” And she was all, “Um, yah, I know, but there’s going to be wine there.” And I was all, “Come pick me up!” So we [...]

Feeling Guilty

For noticing that my daughter has the dog’s half-eaten rawhide bone in her mouth, and instead of rushing over to yank it from her mouth thinking, hmm. At least she’s not screaming.

Angels are coming to visit the earth

This morning in the Armstrong household we celebrated the Mormon Hymnal Recitation Bonanza. It sounds pretty fancy, I know, I know, but really, I hate to get you all excited because all it entailed was Leta sitting in the highchair staring blankly at me as I shouted “The Spirit of God Like a Fire is [...]

The beginnings of The Beard

Beth took this shot also. Jon had been raking leaves for over four hours, and damn! I still wanted to eat him alive.

She will never know what life is like without TiVo

There are three objects in the world that Leta loves to play with, objects that hold her attention for what seems like ETERNITY, maybe four minutes tops, but these objects are pretty reliable: the remote control, the cordless telephone, and my water bottle. I’ve done a bit of psychoanalysis on her obsession with these objects [...]

Eli and Chuck

Beth took this photograph last week and captured Chuck’s look of “I was just in the neighbor’s backyard doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, but you still love me, right?” You can tell he’s guilty by the way his ears are turned sideways like that. Happy Birthday (Yesterday) to Eli!