She knows how to speed dial

Do you see how wickedly happy she is?

  • LeChico

    EQUALITY??!?!?!?! forget pregnancy.. what abt PMS, periods, cramps, bloating, back aches and everythg that GO WITH BEING A WOMAN?!

  • JP

    Happy 10 Month Birthday, Leta!!!

    I wonder what it will be like for her when she grows to learn that SO MANY people out on this big thing called the internet LOVE watching her grow up. What a special and loved little girl with fabulous parents.

  • LeChico

    oopes… that should be GOES WITH BEING A WOMAN (got a little carried away with all the emotion)

  • JP

    Also…I LOVE the idea of the Letters to Leta…I should’ve started that 7 years ago with my daughter(s)!! They’re beautiful.

  • frozensunshine

    You should teach her how to order pizza. Then you can tell her cool stories when she’s older about how she would use the speed dial and order pizza when mommy wasn’t looking, and how, 30 to 45 minutes later, there would be a pizza delivery guy, or two, or three, knocking feverishly on mommy’s door.

  • Maggie

    I thought screaming “Shut Up” was a smart mom did it to me all the way up until–ok she still does it. Leta’s cuteness is blinding, though you can tell she has that twinkle in her eye that says “I swear to god woman, if you even THINK about taking this phone away from me I will scream until glass shatters”.

  • Erin

    She does have a bit of an evil gleam in her eye. But in a good way.

  • Leah

    In the U.N. Convention on the Law of the Sea, the ocean floor in parts of the sea beyond national jurisdiction is referred to over and over as “The Area.” It makes me laugh every time I read it (which is seldom these days).

    Leta gets cuter every month.

  • Melanie S

    Cure for baby fever:

    Read Today’s Post!

    I would suggest ripping off his balls and stapling them to his forehead. That might help him understand the ripping of the vagina. Men are the devil!


  • Jazzy

    I don’t know how you manage to capture her so amazingly that my heart skips a beat and I melt. She’s beautiful and soulful.

  • Amanda B.

    Yay Fish!

    You know Heather, if you don’t want to have another kid, there are other ways to prevent it…that is, than assualting husbando’s special arrangement every few weeks…


  • LadyBug

    “special arrangement” Tee-hee. I love it.

  • lulu cornichon

    Yeah, between “husbando’s special arrangement” and “infecting me with your sperm”, there are some pretty awesome phrases being coined today.

    Me? I got nothin’.

  • Niamh

    Dooce, I would just like to comment on how much I love looking at your thumbnails for the Daily Photos. They give the full photo a whole new perspective. It’s very artistic.

  • Kahli

    re: the 10 month letter.

    Wow,wow, wow… such nice things exist in this world. Pretty great.Thank you for sharing.

  • discopitbull

    My spawn would scream for the entire two hour drive from Nana’s to our house, they hated the car seats, they hated restraint, they hated the monotony and apparently the only relief for them was one non-stop piercing shriek. This didn’t stop until they were each around TWO YEARS OLD! By that point they were able to shriek angry words along with the primal scream. I resorted to turning the car stereo up to drown them out, they get tired and pass out eventually.

  • Aaron

    “Infect me with his sperm.” I spit my coffee out.

  • Fish

    Melanie S.: “ripping off his balls and stapling them to his forehead.”

    *Fish gets up, slowly backs out of the room.*

    p.s. Hi Amanda B!

  • termagaunt

    Uh… I keep picking up my phone to hearing ceaseless screaming on the other end followed by maniacal squealing laughter. I mean, it’s cool and all, anything to keep the kid happy and give her a new outlet for her squeals, but can you get her to ring up the moviefone hotline, or maybe my ex? Thanks.

  • Carol

    LeChico – Equality?? don’t forget grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

    Hilarious post, Dooce.

    Congrats, Fish!

  • p-hawk

    Your husbando used an injudicious phrase. The thing about pain in the male Area is that there is pain, which isn’t that bad actually, but then there is this Other Feeling. And that Other Feeling, which is both totally like and totally unlike nausea, is the worst feeling that I have ever felt ever in my entire life ever. I have come to terms with my depression, but I cannot come to terms with the Other Feeling.


    I FEAR Leta as a 16 year old! :-D


  • Sara

    How sad am I that I know that Leta’s shirt is from Gymboree’s Fox Trot line? Yep, pretty sad. I blame it on my new obsession with Grace’s clothes. I used to have some great clothes, but these days I could give a shit less if I look like a homeless woman as long as the baby looks pretty. :)

  • angela

    God I totally wanna clone your baby! She has got the most beautiful thick eyelashes!
    I’ve never seen a baby girl look so much like her father in my life! You could put this child and your husband in a room with 1001 other men and be able to pick out the Daddy easily!

  • Kimberley H.

    You know, Dooce .. I was almost looking forward to procreating, and then that whole bit about stitches in my hoo-hoo, ripping them apart from taking craps, and the nipples? This girl is looking towards adoption now.

  • Carol

    So I’m putting my 1.5 year old down for a nap. But first I have to change a poopy diaper. The overgrown little maniac was SCREAMING and crying and kicking me (hard) and getting poop everywhere. So, you know what I did? I said in a very nurturing and motherly way, “SHHHUUUUUUDUUUUUUPPP! Take your nappy. Mommy loves you.”

  • Carol

    p.s. I like how the photo icon-or whatever-it’s-called-in-the-corner looks like Bob Dylan in concert.

  • Eric

    See? Now aren’t you GLAD to have been “infected with his sperm”?

  • Janis

    Speed dial? My 15 mo old girl just hits redial and calls people up. She babbles away till I realize she has the phone and a captive audience and take it away and apologize profusely for once again leaving the phone within her reach.

    She’s a screamer too. What’s worse than one screamer? Two screamers. And I have them. Twin screamers. Twins who have discovered the sounds of their voices and use them to scream just for fun. Loudly. And often.

    If you have anyone you want to seek revenge on, call me. We’ll take the screaming trio and hit them with a verbal assault so horrendous, they’ll claw at their faces or rip their ears from their skulls.

    I’m just across town, so let me know. HAHAHA Ahhhh The fun we could have! Sockless screaming babies!

  • gardenia

    So cute! And I love her top.

  • Sissychong

    Oh my wait til she is a teenager and he hand actually cramps in the shape of holding the receiver

  • Stephanie

    Why is it that they would rather play with the things that are YOURS than the things that are THEIRS?

  • Colleen from NJ

    Re: Equality
    You failed to mention the cumulative effect of heartburn, inability to breathe, inability to sleep for nights on end, abstinence of any alcohol and/or drug that may ease the suffering, the hormonal surges that reduce one to tears even while watching the Spongebob movie…

    oo, I’ve revealed too much.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    While you make a number of good points, I still have to agree with Jon: getting hit in the giblets hurts more than you can ever know. My wife has had two children and I saw first-hand how much that hurt. But I don’t recall seeing her drop to the ground, clutch her crotch, speaking with a voice that had elevated by numerous octaves or walk in such a way thereafter that it appeared that she had a month’s worth of shit it her pants. Those are all symptoms of post-foot-in-the-balls disorder (PFBD).

    Sorry, I can’t compete with the clogged milk ducts comment without turning this into a porn site in one fell swoop.

  • Carol

    I once knew a guy who got kicked in the balls so hard that one of his balls got mad, shriveled up, and just went away. Seriously.

    I think he worked part-time as a Santa : )

  • Colleen from NJ

    True that, Dr. JF. I shall not belittle the pain of injured cajones. I am an RN and work in the OR, and I have 2 words men should never want to hear: testicular torsion.
    Nasty to see, too.

  • Molly

    Carol- Had a friend in high school that had a similar thing happen. He was kicked in the nads and one of the danglers twisted. He had to have it surgically UNtwisted.. ouch..

  • donna

    beware of long distance charges showing up on your bill. You KNOW she’s calling Japan.

  • eco2geek

    I hope you don’t have 911 on your speed dial. Not that it matters; babies seem to have a knack for dialling it one way or the other.

  • Sheryl

    The thumbnail of the photo reminded me of the brow and nose of a tiki god.

    Or a ceramic replica of a tiki god. Without the peppermint stick up its ass. Or perhaps Stonehenge.

    My brother once told me, having been through two births with his wife (12 lbs and 13.5 lbs, au naturale), that a really hard blast to the nuts was as painful as birth and the surgery and all, it was just that the pain was condensed into about 5 minutes. Barring permanent damage, that is.

  • tiffany

    Are you aware that you should be shamelessly promoting yourself for Best Essayist of the 2004 weblog awards? You are in fourth place…it is a travesty.

    one can vote at

  • Kristine

    Loved the letter. I have three girls, all past the screaming backseat phase. NOW it has moved to the screaming from the bedroom phase. 11 years old, “LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! EVERYONE IS SO MEAN..”
    I…come out of a dead sleep and yell so loud my throat is still jacked up…”OH SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET YOUR ASS READY FOR SCHOOL!”
    Yeah, I put the big words in there. It worked though. She’s going to come after me when she’s like 16 though if I try that with her.
    I have the picture of her when she’s 2 years old taking a poop on the toilet. I am going to use that as some sort of blackmail to get her to be nice to me though.

  • Heather

    Equality = ouch. My sons are both adopted so thanks for giving me something to look forward to. lol. The mini-pic looks like a mans face.

  • stella

    dude, I just voted for her as best essayist blog. She’s currently at 4% I said 4 PERCENT. That is wrong, WRONG I tell you. Yall need to get up and get over there and cast your vote.

  • Anne

    I think Fish should stop commenting, haul his ass back to his own blog and give us all the eagerly-anticipated details of Everett’s birth. Hint, hint.


  • Anne

    Okay Fish. You can continue commenting. I’m about to go read the birth story. Hooray!

  • Super Turtle Girl

    the POWER Leta…you have the POWER. All you need to do is read those numbers off her credit card and you can get any damn thing you want.

  • lulu cornichon

    Okay, okay! I voted already! (thanks for the heads up, Stella and Tiffany) was at 4.9% when I voted–come on, legions of Dooce-aholics! We can do better!

  • Tracy

    Between her phone fetish and never being taught the meaning of the word, “No”, that girl clearly has a stellar career awaiting her in the telemarketing industry.

  • Leon

    Let me see if I have this correctly;

    1. Leta screams bloody murder when she doesn’t get her way
    2. Leta does not know the meaning of the word “No”
    3. Leta is maniacally obsessed with the phone

    Am I missing anything?

    Dooce…DJ Blurb…even Chuck
    …..good times ahead…..good times