How long can he hold in the smoke?

If we get caught, we’re not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We’re going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.

“Doesn’t it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?”

Carol…you will LOVE this movie.

“…I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.”

Oh yes.

Amanda B., you’re my favorite commenter (is that a word?) almost every post. You should make a blog.

I’ve never commented before, because I just couldn’t come up with anything witty to say and I knew I’d feel like a jackass for not measuring up.

However, the time has come. I have to say it. My name is Michelle, and I’m a Dooceaholic. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes from laughing, both at Dooce’s entry and all the comments.

I knew every single song that was mentioned, and as I read each comment where lyrics were referenced, I heard it in my head; it was like being in the car with someone who won’t quit screwing with the radio.

Thanks, Dooce, everybody, for providing such levity on this cold, dreary House Cleaning Day.

Alright, people, you’ve got me with the Office Space quotes. I love that movie.

What I was *going* to say, though, is this – there are times when I read through these comments for the sheer eye-rolling, ‘hello, sycophantery’ pleasure of it… it’s sort of like a sick hobby. I generally try to keep my thoughts to myself. However, one comment is sticking in my head and I cannot seem to get it out, much like the various and sundry hideous songs you’ve all mentioned… someone said, “Good thing I live in New
York, otherwise I might be all up in yo man’s grill!”…. I find myself with no words. Well, these: what in God’s name does that mean exactly (rhetorical question, I do actually know what this person is getting at)… and WHY is this person inflicting such half-witted verbiage upon the internet?! “up in yo man’s grill”? Ugh. UGH!

Sigh. That is all. I’m going now.

[Patting rutabaga's back, whispers]
s’okay rutabaga, they’re only jokin. Ya got it out. Jus sit down and relax, I’ll get the lysol and a mop and Sheryl will getcha some mouthwash and a warm facecloth.

You best slow your role rutabaga, or Ima have to bust you in your craw.

Indeed.

“My only real motivation is not to be hassled – that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.”

I’m really irritating my non-dooce (“doocie” as he calls it) coworker (we don’t even have cubicles, just open space, back to back) because I keep laughing and snickering and generally annoying the hell out of him.

GirlA – you are funny.

I love this place….

Fish…pigs love to hump dem candy canes…click on me

the facial hair makes him look really old. and hassidic.

Re: Office Space
I briefly perused the online dating scene a little while back, and got an email from a man who wanted to “light my cigarette”. He said he was married, but needed something more. (Thanks for the honesty, pal).
Then he sent a picture.

I opened it, out of curiosity.

*It was the spitting image of Milton*

Sexxxayyyyy!!

I have my window minimized because i’m at work, and I hit refresh and the only thing I could see was Jon’s eyes…and he sort of looked like Russell Crowe.

I met a guy online and he sent me a picture…of PEE WEE HERMAN.

and yes, I am still dating him.

check my blog, he doesn’t look like pee wee. But does a mean, “I’M ON THE PHONE!” impression.

And now starts the Pee Wee’s Big Adventure quotes.

Jon: “Duuuuude, like, that is one wicked awesome bong rip! I mean, woooooah, I am totally seeing candy-humping piggies and silver trees! Dude, awesome!
I need pizza.”

I personally favor the “Orgasmo” movie, ABOUT porn stars.
Now that is funny.

(I think I just used that “grill” saying wrong. Twice. I’m sorry– I’m not up with all that “slang” you young’uns are using nowadays.)

Girl A – Finder of all things unnatural

Can you locate me a copy of this said video of a ass pirate?

Ok, I don’t mean to sound all snobby and correct people, but, um, you guys are WAY misusing the term. In L.A., “up in your grill” is the same thing as “all over your jock,” which is NOT something you would probably want to be saying casually to a guy.
Unless, you know, you really DO want to be all over his jock.
Even by teenagers’ standards it’s a pretty crude term, which is fine, but just so’s you know, in case you’re planning on dropping it into conversation at your next office meeting.

Even if I were gay, I don’t think I’d want to be all over someone’s jock. I mean, ewwww.

re: Pee Wee quotes: “There was this snake wearing a vest, and he was rolling this big donut …”

Jill, I say Cutie Patootie all the time to my son!

From out of space – a warning and an ultimatum.

*Goober Patrol*

My favorite Pee Wee quote:

“I say we let him go!”

Commence “tequila” song now.

Na na na-na na na na na…

Na na na-na na na, na.

TEQUILA!