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His ego writing checks his body can’t cash | dooce® dooce® » I'm Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. » His ego writing checks his body can’t cash

His ego writing checks his body can’t cash



  • Tracy

    Looks like one former Congressman has a bit of a Napoleon complex…

    That other dog should be advised that Sam Elliott called, and he wants his damned moustache back.

  • anna

    I actually haven’t seen that movie yet.

  • Elegant Goose

    ACK!!! I had to share this- I’m teaching eighth grade and I have less than 1/2 an hour to each lunch – I usually spend it scarfing something and helping kids with their English. Well, I was so distracted just now while I was eating a pear that I ATE THE STICKER ON THE PEAR!!! The little sticker they put on fruit in the produce section?!!! I ATE that!

    Maybe I should ask the science teacher or school nurse if produce stickers can kill…

    Thought ya’ll might enjoy a laugh.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Someone’s eating lunch? At 8:30?

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metro

    Shizzy – it’s 10:30 here in CST and 11:30 in the Eastern US.

    (PS, that’s how the Army “gets more done before 9am than most people do all day.” They rely on time zone differences.)

  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com/ Girl.A

    (Though I don’t know if Chuck was trying to be a Usurper)I know how that black dog feels by the expression on his face.

    I had the same expression on my face this morning when, after I got up to give up a seat to an beautiful older lady with a bumble bee brooch and a cane, a 17 year old snot rushed in to take the seat.

    I put my foot out to gesture that said snot could not pass by me while giving her a look that threw The Girl.A Ninja Perma-Block on her ass.

    I am not too sure about my super powas yet. I either made her think about the crime of stealing the seats from the elderly on the T, or gave her a bad case of constipation.

  • http://clobberblogger.blogspot.com Colleen from NJ

    elegant goose, it will just stick on to something else. you will see it in a day or two.

  • hp

    Does anyone know what your dog and your farts have in common?

    They both smell bad to everyone but you.

  • http://holyschmidt.blogspot.com Melanie S

    I do the same thing to my grandmother that sells AMWAY. She’s done it since Jesus was a boy.

    What the hell could I possibly reveal? That they are getting rid of SA-8 and replacing it with a NEW detergent of greatness?

  • debbie

    is it okay to use this space to comment on the raisin poop and not the doggie photo?? i try not to get too into dogs now that i know my 4 year old is allergic–damn him! heh. anyway, awesome poop story along the lines of your raisin anecdote:

    my friend jonas was changing his baby girl’s poopy diaper the other day and after he wipes away the muck, sees that a little bit of red pepper is poking out of her booty (yes, we call it “booty” in our house). he tries to wipe it, but it’s not happening. he pulls at it and a wholly undigested 2″ strip of red pepper slides out! i laughed my ass off when i heard this, but maybe only a parent can appreciate such a disgusting story. lesson learned: give the kid veggies but, for god’s sake, cut them into smaller pieces!

  • http://alenaswebpage.blogspot.com/ Alena

    http://www.sunbelt-software.com/stu/bored/

    Haha.. I love those. What I especially enjoyed was the ladybug turtle. I am not admitting that within recent history, I painted a turtle’s shell like a ladybug. Nosiree, not admitting that at all.

  • hp

    Dooce, you changed the paypal message. Didn’t it say something about a never ending river yesterday?

  • Anonymous

    Wait, I work AT Avon, and I’m not aware of the Avon secrets? There are secrets?? Damn, I’m not on the right distribution lists…

  • La Pixiatrix

    Dooce, let’s hope the World Avon Sales Leader doesn’t spice up your sunday dinner. Or maybe she should, and make you an Ice Cream Sunday with ExLax…

  • http://ellabellababycakes.modblog.com ella’s ma

    I can’t even begin to tell you the disgustingness of an 18-month olds diaper. Instead of raisins, we’ve done the dried cranberries, whole peas, apple chunks. I could go on for days but I’ll spare you and your readers.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    You mean it’s not 8:30 everywhere?

  • http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com Mormon General Authority

    CHUCK THIS IS GOD. RRRRRR-RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF, GRRRRR RUFF RUFF YIP YIP BOW-WOW.

    THAT IS ALL.

  • http://jpandthemegabeast.blogspot.com/ JP

    Is that Chuck with your brother’s dog? That’s a cool picture….good doggy memories.

    Warm wishes…

  • victoria

    It’s not the size of the dog in the fight . . .

  • Chico’s mom

    Chuck, I worship at thine altar-

  • http://thefathousewife.blogspot.com/ Mrs.Strizzay

    And they call in puppy luuuuv

  • U.B.

    Despite the Vulcan psycho-eyed mind trick that Chuck is attempting, it looks like he’s about to get bitch-slapped. Possibly by an actual bitch.

  • http://thefathousewife.blogspot.com/ Mrs.Strizzay

    Margi says…

    v n.,m b jhgb ,km `n mnb `mn ““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““b qb q6jn mmn sjn

  • hp

    By the way GOD, thanks for the hemerroid.

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    Stinger: “Maverick, you just did and incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! you don’t own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash. You’ve been busted, you’ve lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral’s daughter!”

    Goose: “Penny Benjamin?”

    [Maverick shrugs]

    i love top guns. 80′s cheese at it’s best!

  • http://www.dooce.com moose

    Moss rocks.

    (Heh.)

    No really. Mouse, you crack me up.

  • http://misskimberley.blogspot.com Kimberley H.

    Is Chuck ever going to get any action? Does he have a companion, lady-friend? Maybe he just needs to get some lovin’.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    GWB (40). I just figured out who the “Merkin people” are. HILARIOUS!

  • http://www.theniffer.blogspot.com the niffer

    Chuck looks so small in this pic. Is that an Irish Wolfhound puppy?

    Chuck better look out – if his ‘buddy’ has even a little wolfhound in him, Chuck could be squished like a bug in a couple of months. It would probably be an accident; wolfhounds aren’t haters.

    GOD – I’m not a particulary religious person, but I SO look forward to your visits every day.

  • http://desperateworkingmommas.blogspot.com/ cat

    God speaks “dawg”! Awesome.

  • moose

    of course GOD speak dawg. I’m sure GOD speak catt also.

    GOD?

  • http://www.iamwhoam.blogspot.com God’s Secretary

    Hello. God is in a meeting at the moment, but will be with you asap. Please enjoy the smiting of the day while you wait. Thankyou.

  • http://desperateworkingmommas.blogspot.com/ cat

    Oh ho ho… God is snarky!
    God, please smite Lindsay Lohan next. Please? Or Paris Hilton. Whatev.

  • http://kimba-bremen.com kim

    former congressman: “i did not have sexual relations with that bitch….”

  • http://www.evilsciencechick.blogspot.com Regan

    Pft! My dog does that, too. She finds the biggest dog at the park and gets all bristly and growls at it. This usually ends with me pulling her off a raging rumble of fur and fangs, and her having a bloody nose. Always the nose. And I say “you are sooo STUPID! STUPID!” and she looks at me like “what? biscuit?”

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Ah, kim, that be fuuuunny.

  • http://www.partofthatworld.com Becca

    Go Chuck Go!

  • http://lalawawa.blogspot.com Lauren

    Chuck’s bringin’ it, isn’t he?

  • http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com Fish

    Sir Chucks-alot kinda looks like he quiere una Chalupa in that picture.

  • http://www.fucharlie.com Charlie

    Chuck can totally take that ugly dog!

  • http://www.lizincorporated.com Liz

    Go Chuck! Even a Former Congressman needs to stand up and fight in the park every once in a while.

  • http://bethology.blogspot.com Beth

    It’s Chuckacabra fighting to be free! He’s torn between kicking ass and dreams of Doritos and Pop Tarts.

  • Enjoying…

    Blueberry poptart for lunch! Whoohoo!

  • http://sistersincrimejkd.blogspot.com Dara

    mr chuckles!! not even friday yet! lol

    hope he didnt get tooooo beaten up lmao!

  • http://www.marymuses.com Mary

    God (or God’s Secretary, if God is unavailable), I second the motion to smite Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. If you’re feeling especially smitish, you could also smite Tara Reid. I know three is a lot to be smote at once, but since they are essentially one in the same, and because hey, you’re God, you can probably handle that.

    Thanks, God (or God’s secretary), you’re the best.

    Also, please bless Chuck because he is so cute. (And GEORGE! too, while you’re at it.)

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    I think God did smite Tara Reid, when He made her big fat boob pop out at that awards show.

  • http://www.marymuses.com Mary

    Oh, you’re right, Amanda B. I forgot about that. But, hey, God could smite her again. I saw her on TV the other day and she doesn’t look like she’s been sufficiently smote.

  • http://lizzieism.pajama-cat.com Ehle

    Chuck Wednesdays AND Chuck Fridays?

  • U.B.

    I’m not sure if Tara hanging 1/2 of her horrific boob job out in a desperate, attention-seeking ploy to be relevant qualifies as a smiting??

    I can’t look at Paris without feeling badly for her family. That old-money gang must be soooo proud. They obviously did a bang-up job of keeping her developmentally grounded…

  • http://georgeboone.blogspot.com GEORGE!

    Sick ‘em Chuck!