Beer hickey

This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can’t wait for the wedding.

(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today’s rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)

  • Circus Kelli

    Bran — You gotta be one fun date, I’ma thinkin!

  • bran.

    yipe. that happens to me too. so much as a sip of *anything* even remotely alcoholic and i am red-faced, chest-pained, and totally cranky for the rest of the night. i’m always the designated everything.

  • kim

    you know i’m german and even though my english is not bad it’s sometimes not easy to express exactly what i would like to. so that’s why all i’m saying now is: *i’m 100% with tori* and thank you heather for

  • Melanie S.


    Jeebus is what Homer Simpson refers to Jesus as.

    GIRL A.,
    A few years ago, I was listening to the stereo, wile I was in the shower. Dancing Queen came on. Naturally, I started dancing a singing. Next thing I know, I’m laid out on the ground, lying ON TOP of the sliding glass shower doors. I had slipped on my shampoo buubles and took the door out during the fall. Thank God (Hi God!) I was home alone, and that it didn’t shatter and cut me up.

  • Circus Kelli

    Heather B. “Dooce” Armstrong,
    An online friend of mine who doesn’t read a lot of online journals directed me to your site some time ago, and I have been a fan ever since.

    I know I only know the part of you that you share with us, and I’m so grateful that you choose to do that.

    Your posts are always full of “LIFE” and emotion and humor.
    I love the way you write.

    Thank you for sharing your life, and your wonderful family with us, Heather.

    You are one of my heros.

  • Who?

    Megan, are you thanking Jesus or Jeb Bush?

  • annelise

    ok, enough with kenny. but…

    i must add that the minister who married me also looked like him AND had multiple “beer hickies”. a drunk man of GOD performed MY wedding ceremony. it rocked.

  • Kristi

    You totally rock Heather. Thank you for everything you put into your site. Thank you for the daily laugh, or the occasional tearing up I get from here.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    I’m-a gonna get me some garden gnomes with rosacea, then drink some Dewar’s.

    Then I’ll have blotchy tchotchkes with scotch, see?

  • Amanda

    you have such a wonderful website. you write well. you make me laugh. you are pretty. your daughter is adorable. I went through a rotten post partum depression too, but I was too foolishly proud to do anything about it until recently, and my son is 4 years old. Im glad that you are taking care of yourself, and your daughter by getting treatment for your saddness. that is responsible. anyway, Im sorry someone said something that threw you off balance. ignorant criticism is tough, especially if you are emotional. caring people are emotional. Ive never commented before, but wanted to say some nice things to you.

  • Megan

    Yeah, looks like an allergic reaction to alcohol. I have the same thing (not that severe, though). Hasn’t curbed my drinking though. That’s something I can really get behind and thank Jebus for.

  • kate

    i just wanted to be one more voice for the positive vote – what you are doing with this site is awesome, and all your trials and pain and foibles are what make you human and that’s normal. those wackos who hate you can suck it indeed.

  • zz

    I worked in daycare before I had my own kids, the experience really calmed me as far as what to expect–kids develop at all different paces. The smartest little girl I cared for didn’t walk until 18 months. She mostly just sat, like a pretty little blonde Buddha, while her mom worried. But she started talking, in sentences and syllables, earlier and clearer than any other kids. We thought that the work other babies were putting into their bodies, she was putting into her mind. (Hey, she’s 24 or 25 now–word out to Maia from Milwaukee UWM childcare, 1982!)

    (Also–I’m the same as Shan with alcohol. I can feel the redness creeping up my neck. I realized recently that the older people in my family who also do that are all diabetic. Made me wonder if it is an early symptom?)

  • Sarah

    Wow. I am number 439, unless someone posts before I hit ‘post’!

    That entry was very well-said, Heather. And from the looks of this comment page (so glad you enjoy what has been created here most of the time), well…you are so very loved and appreciated.

    You put into words what a lot of people feel, and you do it with humor and a cutting edge REALNESS that I can immediately relate to. That is a gift. Thank you for sharing it.

  • Library Girl

    Now that I read that it’s sounds kinda bad, I meant that with love. Lots and lots of love, because you are special Heather. Okay, I meant that in a “good” way, not a “Damn that girl has issues” way. Yeah, so it’s past midnight here on the east coast, I’m going to bed. Sometimes I’m just blown away by my intelligence.

  • Susie

    She’s leavin’ now, ’cause I just heard the slammin’ of the door
    The way I know I’ve heard it slam 100 times before
    And if I could move, I’d git my gun and put ‘er in the ground …

    But God, that even has YOUR NAME in it . . .

  • Tori

    To Heather “this is my website” B. Armstrong,
    You rock, don’t you go changin. I wish my mother had the sensibilities to record those early times for me, instead of just drinking Early Times, heh heh. No, really, I am fine. Ahem, anyway…….. ALL YOU PUNKS NEED TO QUIT SIPPIN ON HATERADE, GET OFF YOUR HUFFY BIKES AND ENJOY THAT WHICH IS DOOCE. Thank you for letting me peek into your life every day, and sharing in the joys of REAL love, life and family. Stay classy.

  • DoulaBrooke

    My sister found your site many months ago after she Googled her name (Heather) and she thought that I would like to read your blog since I was going through some of the same things you were (babies, boobs, etc). I have been a “fan” ever since, and was ever so pleased to find out your name is Heather Brooke, as my sister is Heather and I am Brooke!

  • alyssa

    that’s fucked up, kano. i guess those people who give money to homeless people and then get mugged by some asshole a couple feet down are just asking for it, right?

  • Jenie

    I’m not even going to try and read the 200 comments that have been left since I left work last night. I just wanted to echo what I’m sure everyone has already said…We love you Heather!

  • Library Girl

    *laughing so hard, I think a little pee came out*
    Okay, only a very special person would have a blog w/ commenters breaking into Lionel Richie songs.

  • Dazed & Confuzed

    I’ve been accused of being a Dancing Queen. But only when I’m freebasing Geritol at the Copacabana

  • Marie

    Ancient Toltec wisdom: the ability to communicate with words is a gift given only to humans in this world. It is magic. Through our own choices, we can create black magic or we can create white magic with our words and our actions toward others.

    These haters, they spew black magic. They misunderstand the power of their words and they misuse the magic gift they have been given. You do not have to absorb it, you do not have to accept it. It is nothing more than black magic, and no one suffers more than the person who is attempting to cast it on others.

    Keep spreading your white magic, Dooce. You truly have a gift.


  • forgive me

    heather, hang in there! you are brave and beautiful and very, very blessed! leta is gorgeous and thriving and will reach her milestones when she needs to. you have a wonderful husband who obviously loves you very much.
    i am among those who have posted not so nice comments. for the record, i NEVER posted anything mean about leta. i just thought that you came off as a little self-centered at times. but who the heck am i to say anything? i don’t know you or the struggles you face on a daily basis on a personal level. nobody else who posts mean comments does either. please forgive me for contributing to your suffering.

  • Amanda B.

    “You coulda heard a pin drop, when Doo-chay locked the door…”

  • Michelle Brady

    Oh! I just figured out how to bold!

    Asterisk word asterisk!

    *Flails* “Look what I can do!”

  • Alaska Danielle

    Cathi – DUDE. We definitely have some strippage here (Great Alaskan Bush Company, Crazy Horse, Fantasies…er, uh, so I hear) but, sadly, none of them are ‘bring your own beer’.

    If the military doesn’t jerk you around too much, where in Alaska will you be?

  • Amanda B.

    Girl A.- jinx!

    I love Dancing Queen. That’s a classic song.

  • 01234

    I would like to suggest one more item for your list of reasons to blog. It’s about doing something with an excess of energy, _aka_ blowing off steam, finding a creative outlet. It’s about redirecting energy.

    I would have thought that having a child, a husband and a house with a big front porch would demand life-sapping amounts of energy, but the opposite seems true in your case. You’re a lil ol’ fusion reactor, pulling energy from somewhere and putting it to work. So much energy that there’s some left over. What you usually do is redirect it back into the grid, by blogging. Just look at the way this board lights up when you post. Bling! Bling! Snap! Crackle! Pop! The SLC MEB will be wondering what’s going on.

    But it’s clear now that this board is also something you draw energy from. Good energy, bad energy, whatever juju is out there. I may be wrong here, but it looks like bad energy makes you do good things. You take the bad with the good, and some of the painful bits turns into excellent posts that are not at all sappy. But it also drives you into overload, and you feel compelled to shut down for a while. Yes, it’s a sappy analogy, but that’s what it looks like from here.

    I might be wrong here too, but it looks like haters and trolls have a part in the mix. I think it’s helpful to keep two things in mind. One is that people use their best techniques to communicate. We all struggle to get our thoughts and feelings across. Sometimes sarcasm and spite are the only available options. If you’ve ever been spitting angry or hopping mad, you’ll know what I mean. Those people are doing the best they can, bless ‘em. Two, if someone is angry, and wants you to be angry, give ‘em what they want. It’s not going to change your nature, it’s not going to disrupt the blog, and if today’s post is any indication, it prompts you to the creme de la steam, the exceptional blowing off, the occasional rant that puts everything into sharper perspective. From here, it looks like part of the reason for doing what you do, feeding some of that energy back where it comes from, using it to do stuff.

    You’re a marvel of technology, you are. Even Jesus would be envious. Producing energy from nowhere, turning sour grapes into wine, feeding the hungry, healing the sick and doing it all _in real time_. Jesus has to be thinking that if daddy had any sense, he’d have produced a daughter, not a son. Like Dan Hicks says, Jesus can’t even sing!

    But you can.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    A funny story:

    When I was a newly minted reporter, part of my duties were to write very short blurbs about the Little League baseball games played in the area covered by my newspaper. I once got an irrate letter from a Little League parent who felt that I unduly played-up the on-field exploits of a child other than his own — his kid’s teammate. He called me all sorts of names and actually threatened to kick my ass.

    At that moment, I realized that writing can, at times, be hazardous to your health. But not writing is even more hazardous.

    We all stand behind you, Heather. I’d take a beer hickey right between the eyes for you any day.

  • Girl.A

    Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
    Walk away from trouble if you can.
    It won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
    I hope you’re old enough to understand:
    Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.

    Mormon General Authority, may I have another whomp’em please, Sir (or is it Madame)?

    Me likey God’s whomp’em.

  • Michelle Brady

    Teehee… I just spent an hour and 15 minutes reading over EVERY SINGLE COMMENT from yesterday. And then, when I was done, I refreshed to see if a new picture was up because, you know, I’m lame and was holding out the hope that perhaps, just perhaps… I could be one of the first.

    But no. Perhaps I’m just the last.

    I have found so many ass-kicking blogs to read through these comments. Everyone who comes here touches someone else’s life, and I think that’s really smurfy.

    I think you’re all great. Except for you, Kano. Your comment (#133) was a downer. I suppose that doesn’t preclude you being a good person. *snicker*

  • Chloe (is here)

    Oh, dooce. We wub you too. (Yes, I know I just typed wub. Now I must ask you to say it out loud. Say it… please? “They wub me too.” It’s very important to be wubbed, and despite the occasional shitheads, there are tons of us non-feces faced people who think the world of you.)
    Also, a little lame joke to cut the overly sweet love-fest (hopefully I haven’t posted it here before):
    How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One, and that’s not funny.

  • Jenie

    So…I predict comments will be closed here pretty soon…

  • Clautje

    Just a small comment.. I normally just read your blog and look at your daily picture.. always ending up with a grin, a smirk a tear or a sigh..

    But today I felt compelled to let you know that in my opinion.. you are a sweetheart.. your Jon is a wonderful man and your Leta rocks.. big time..
    and for those that feel the urge to send you hate mail.. the word “jealousy” comes to mind..

    Let’s just call this my attempt to let you know that the handful of “ignorant jerks” is largely outnumbered by us very appreciative lurkers..

    with love,

  • Chris from Ohio

    So… close… to 400 comments. Must… reach. Can’t let beer-rash or brainless weasil mail stop us. Must… go on. Live to blog. Blog to live!!! (3)

  • C

    Just because she writes stuff for the world to see it doesn’t give people a right to disrespect her or her family. Also she was and is excersizing her right as the site owner to delete or close comments if people are abusing the rights she (as site owner) gives them.

    I believe she is aware of all that you just pointed out Kano.

  • Jay

    i’ve been reading your blog for about two months. i have shared many an entry with new moms and everyone has gotten something beneficial from your rantings. your genius, witty, insightful, catty, brash and sometimes crude blog is the best thing i have ever read. (and the pictures are too die for- esp the ones of leta & chuck)- i look forward to my daily dose of to keep the demons at bay. thanks for the sharing- jon, leta & chuck are very lucky.

  • RedheadEditor

    Love your blog. But seriously, the same thing happens to my husband, and it’s because he’s allergic to beer or the sulfites in the beer. Use caution, Dear Shan. Keep writing, Heather!

  • Annejelynn

    oh god – no Barry Manilow – just the mere mention of his name and I now have Coppa and Mandy both running simultaneously in my head!

  • shana

    Hi Heather,
    Just peeking out of my lurking spot to add my voice to the “you are awesome” side of the equation. Leta is beautiful and I hope that someday I can have a family as wonderful as yours.

    PS. Asian flush is totally fucking true. I live in Japan where they all drink like fish and every single one of them turns red as a bottle of Campari.

  • Cathi

    Alaska Danielle (#392 – Thanks! I have Netscape, but this is probably the first time I’ve used it.)

    If you ever saw any of the girls they have at this bar, you’d understand. They couldn’t stock enough alcohol for their patrons to adequately beer goggle.

    It breaks my heart to hear you don’t have these things there. We may be heading to Alaska in 6 months or so (military). Such a pity.

  • LadyBug

    Can you hear the drums, Fernando?

  • JayJay

    I’ve been a reader of yours for several months now and have caught the occasional comment or your reference to a comment about your daughter. Listen, I’m a clinical social worker and have a significant amount of training in child development. DO NOT LISTEN to these douche bags. If anything, take solace in knowing that these untoward posters are going to be seeing me in a few years when they aren’t able to manage their own children (a la Nanny 911). Give em’ hell Heather and keeping making us laugh, because you’re damn good at it.

  • Lavanotes

    I’m so glad I found your site. I can’t remember when I found it or how or why but I’m so very glad I did. I come in here every single day and enjoy your writing so very much. Thank you.

  • Lara

    Hey I wish my daughter wasn’t walking (she’s just turned 11 months) – enjoy the cruisy time cause it’s really hectic at this stage. She just spent a night in the hospital cause she did a perfect 10 swan dive off our bed !

  • Muffin

    I was touched by your entry in re hateful comments. I work in a business where people do not like me. I have to remind myself that in my line of business “I am not here to make friends”. I have been called the devil, declared to be “void of the milk of human kindness” and even had a woman throw grave dirt on me with a nice voodoo spell to boot. (I sent people to prison). Diaryland became my sanctuary for sanity. It helped me see their are actually people in the world that “ain’t so bad”, have a sense of humor, and appreciate life, even if it’s sucks at times. As tough as I can be in my profession, it is like a gab to the gut to have someone attack your personal side. YOu expose yourself and that is what I get? I would have stayed at work if I wanted that?! Love your photos.

  • David

    It amazes me how many comments you get on a total stranger to the web. Do all of you actually connect to the guy that blushes when drinking that much?

    I think that your writing has developed over the months though. Perhaps once *someone* is grown up you can apply for a job at the local “times”.

  • Circus Kelli

    MGA — Can we quote Barry Manilow or ABBA?

  • girl

    damn. people really say shit about your daughter on here? I just don’t understand what makes a person so bitter and vile that they talk shit about another person’s child just for spite.

    anyway, love the site and the pictures. rock on.