By the look on her face I don’t think she appreciated being photographed by a mere civilian

Meet our lovely KUTV Channel 2 News Team! ON THE JOB, NO LESS:

Michelle King
Mark Koelbel

And then here’s the story about my friend Heather Hanson getting attacked by a dog at Danger Park last spring. She’s better now.

  • closet metro

    Careful, GEORGE!, you’re going to send Amanda B. on another Eric Estrada fantasy trip. That girl luuurves her some Ponch.

  • Dog

    I don’t mind the taste of poop.

    Neither does GOD from savbar. He tells me that all the time.

  • Annejelynn

    When we (my immediate family) lived in SLC, back in the 80s when Michelle King was a sweet young thang, my father thought Michelle King was “a cutie-patootie” ???

  • GOD

    GOD aint no comment whore bitch! Watch you mouth before you get slizzaped!

    GOD is at work but bored…


    Is that Ponch in the background?

  • mg2

    and when did god become a comment whore?

  • U.B.

    Please, no more Foreigner.

    CSI: Mormons

    There’s no escaping the Mormon sleuths. I moved a lot after college and was only able to keep them a step or two behind.

    Now, I’ve been in the same place for almost ten years and they just check in once a year or so to make sure I haven’t had some life-altering experience that would pull me back in.

  • DUH Kieran

    You didn’t get the whole Gangsta part of the comment.

  • Annejelynn

    The Mormons are so wrong! I knew it~ GOD, himself, drinks coffee!(see Uppercase God @ 8:35am) Tell everyone!

  • Not sexy

    When you say shit and butt sex together it is totally icky

  • Erratic Prophet

    Hi Dooce!
    I’ve been a big fan of yours for a while now. Don’t worry, I won’t get all Single White Female on you. I just had to comment about the asshats who leave mean, nasty comments on people’s blogs. I recently had an experience like that and I thought “What would Dooce do?” and I knew that I had to rip that jerk a new one, but in a funny– hopefully!– way. Keep blogging!

    And Happy Birthday, Mike!

  • Dog

    Like God, I like to hump. Pretty much anyone.

    But not really the butt sex unless it happens on accident.

    Dry humping is underrated. But sometimes I get tired of licking the lint off the rocket afterward.

  • Graygirl

    She stops to “de-lurk:

    20,20,20-4 hours to go-o-o-o
    I wanna be sedated!

  • GOD

    With Anal sex you take the good and the bad…

    the good is GOOD

    but the BAD is REALLY BAD

  • LetterB

    Sometimes I dread clicking on the comments page. After reading for about 10 minutes i see that the wee little cursor is still in the middle of the page. Then I ask myself, will i read until the end of the page? Will I? And then I do. Everytime. And then I come back an hour later and read the latest. I am continually amazed by the power of dooce.

  • GOD

    Yeah MizzStrizz up thanks for POINTING out the obvious. She mentions like 1000 times where she lives!

  • Girl.A

    Man, and Fish, cannot live on bread alone.

    Gotta have some CHEESE to go with tha bread.

  • MizzStrizz

    Dooce lives in South Central Utah

  • closet metro

    Big Gay Sam – we love you here.

    Fish – careful with the Bread hammer. You’ll wreck your lunch.

  • honestyrain

    perhaps she didn’t appreciate the photo being taken but the guy behind her did.

  • GOD

    Shit God loves the butt sex! Its all tight and shit!

    Ill say it again so it be understood..GOD LVOES THE BUTT SEX

  • Arika B.


    I’ve been “lurking” on your site for a couple of months now. I just wanted to say that I really love your site and I appreciate all of your hard work in making happen. You are absolutely hilarious. I hope that the negative commenters don’t get you down.

  • Jay Hovah

    There was a little alley in San Francisco back of the Southern Pacific station at Third and Townsend in redbrick of drowsy lazy afternoons with everybody at work in offices in the air you feel the impending rush of their commuter frenzy as soon they’ll be charging en masse from Market and Sansome buildings on foot and in buses and all well-dressed thru workingman Frisco of Walk-up truckdrivers and even the poor grime-bemarked Third Street of lost bums … and here’s all these Millbrae and San Carlos neat-necktied producers and commuters of America and Steel civilization rushing by with San Francisco Chronicles and green Call-Bulletins not even enough time to be disdainful, they’ve got to catch 130, 132, 134, 136 all the way up to 146 till the time of evening supper in homes of the railroad earth when high in the sky the magic stars ride above the following hotshot freight trains

  • Amanda B.

    *Amanda reels…trys to regain footing…room gets dark*

  • Uppercase GOD


    Kieran said at 08:01AM, 12.15.2004:

    Christmas time is like anal sex, some people love it some people hate it. But most of us will try it when we are drunk



  • Galaxy

    is ray romano grinning in the background?

  • bb

    Chloe, shouldn’t that be her husband’s line? Couldn’t resist – but now I’ll go away so you can formulate whatever thought you want to close the page with. Enjoy your lasting lastness.

  • GOD

    DAMMMMN WHEN DID get all ghetto?

  • Cate

    Two years since I stopped going to church and a couple weeks ago someone from the ward called to see if I could meet with the bishop for a few minutes. Very cooly, I said “No.” What a liberating feeling! Here’s to recovering mormons everywhere! I raise my water bottle – I’m at work and it’s too early for cocktails – to us all!

  • Cathi

    aic (#588)
    Dooce stimulates let down? Now I’ve heard it all! Thanks for the laugh!


    Ponch also does the voice for the character Eric on Sealab 2021, which is on adult swim, which is on cartoon network late at night.

  • Sarah

    Danger Park tips:
    1) Never reach into a dog fight.
    2) If you do need to intervene in a dog fight the best suggestion I heard was “stick your finger into the dog’s butt.” Supposedly this technique surprises them into submission!

    I prefer #1 – stay away.

  • the niffer

    Sorry Chloe! I was posting at the same time. Ok – go…

  • MizzStrizz

    She beggin me to stop but this cat gettin closer
    Gettin hot like a toaster, I cocks the toast, uhh
    Before my eyes could blink
    She screams out, honey bring me up somethin to drink!
    He go back downstairs more time to think
    Her brain racin, she’s tellin me to stay patient
    She don’t know i’m, cool as a fan
    Gat in hand, I don’t wanna blast her man

  • Fish

    Manda B: Now I’m gonna have to drop the hammer on your ass with some Bread:

    Yes, I’m lost with out your love.
    Life without you isn’t worth the trouble of.
    All I want is the way it used to be
    I need you here with me.
    Oh darling can’t you see,
    If we had love before we can have it back once more.

  • Lise

    well Im not any flash poet like Bucky Four Eyes (check out her own blog!)but I hope you are at least feeling the love…and yep sorry Chloe…it’s all yours..

  • MizzStrizz

    I heart atomic fire balls

  • Hippy Chick

    Hippy Bath Day Mike!

  • Lisey

    Number 602
    how about you?
    weve all been dooced
    so its onto round two

    awaiting next pic
    chuck friday, cant wait
    give me the flick
    Ive gone insane- it’s late!

    Heather, we love you
    should be obvious now
    others with no clue
    can go suck a brown cow

    Leta’s a gift
    we all love her too
    when you need a lift
    we’re here supporting you

    and that rugged lush Jon
    well, he is a winner
    a ring I would don
    to make me a sinner!

    so keep on blogging
    and congrats on your life
    you’re probably great at snogging
    not to mention a top shelf wife! I said, its late and I just wanted to confirm us definitely cutting into the six zero zero territory….woohooo!

  • GOD

    Lets go kids!!! Im actually not falling asleep in my office! DAMN GOD has to make an appearance early in the morning i think.

    GOD is in EST

  • carolina

    Happy birthday Mike!!!!!!

  • coskel


  • shaunacat

    I had a favorite weatherman locally who was on the air for about 6 years here – I watched him daily. He was a very smooth talker and funny – and good looking to boot.

    I saw him in the Sams parking lot one day a few years ago…and I had my husband and dad with me. He was pushing a basket with his kid in it and was probably about 4 parking spaces from me.

    I saw him, did a double take and shouted ‘Hey! I love you – you’re my favorite!!!’.

    My dad and husband walked away from me like they didn’t know me and the weather guy just kind of smiled and steered his cart (and kid) away from me.


  • Girl.A

    Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner

    So long…
    I’ve been looking too hard I’ve been waiting too long
    Sometimes I don’t know what I will find
    I only know it’s a matter of time

    When you love someone
    When you love someone
    It feels so right so warm and true
    I need to know if you feel it too
    Maybe I’m wrong…
    Won’t you tell me if I’m coming on too strong
    This heart of mine has been hurt before
    This time I wanna be sure

    I’ve been waiting for a girl like you
    To come into my life
    I’ve been waiting for someone new
    To make me feel alive
    (Yeah) Waiting for a girl like you
    To come into my life

    You’re so good…
    When we make love it’s understood
    It’s more than a touch or words we say
    Only in dreams could it be this way

    When you love someone
    Yeah really love someone
    Now, I know it’s right
    From the moment I wake up till deep in the night
    There’s nowhere on earth that I’d rather be
    Than holding you, tenderly

    I’ve been waiting for a girl like you
    To come into my life
    I’ve been waiting for a girl like you
    And a love that will survive

  • Chloe

    Will whoever else is doing early morning dooce let me be last?

  • Carol

    this shit is funny. God’s Lawyer…LMAO!!

  • carolina

    I’ve been reading dooce for about a year now and I have to say, I heart dooce too! It’s the first I read every morning. And d (#42) you’re so right. I would totally go through withdrawals at first because I was only reading it at work and not on the weekends. Then I found myself reading dooce on weekends, and then reading through ALL of the archives. I guess you could say I’m a total dooce-aholic. (I stole your word Circus Kelli #49) Thanks dooce for the great website!

    pissy britches (#122) – morning cup of dooce! that’s great, I want a mug with that.

    pajama mama (#143) – I would totally buy a shirt (or 5).

  • the niffer

    I keep hitting refresh but I’m not seeing the Girl.A/Annie photo. So disappointed.

    btw – girls can go topless in Ontario. You wouldn’t want to be doing that right now as it’s -25 degrees c. But you’re allowed.

  • GOD

    Who the fuck is this paging me at 5:46 in the morning –
    crack of dawn now im yawning – wipe the cold out my eyes –
    see whos this paging me and why

  • Mike

    I dig your site and read it every day. Yeah yeah, typical first comment. Keep it up and shake the haters off. I had a bout with them on my blog when I first started and I found that it made me a better blogger in the long run. Keep up the good writing, congrats on the nomination and know that I voted for you!