By the look on her face I don’t think she appreciated being photographed by a mere civilian

Meet our lovely KUTV Channel 2 News Team! ON THE JOB, NO LESS:

Michelle King
Mark Koelbel

And then here’s the story about my friend Heather Hanson getting attacked by a dog at Danger Park last spring. She’s better now.

  • Sherri

    Dude, 603 comments.


  • god

    GOD (like BIG and bringing down the house like a dinosaur on its extinction falling-down-dead-bringin’ -down-the-canopy-kinda down): It’s time.

  • LadyBug

    Amanda B. — Seriously? He says, “If you’re not into Yoda”? YODA?? I’ve always thought it was “yoga.” Gotta Google now…

  • Becky

    I sat up all night reading, with the TV on softly across the room. Just now, the Berenstain Bears came on. I hate to admit, Jon was absolutely right about your governor! At least it’s the Mama bear she resembles, and it’s in a nice way. Thanks for the grins!

  • GOD

    Did someone just call someone else a jackass on a blog? Personal attack on a website??? GOD says LOOOOSER and GET A LIFE!!!!!

    Yeah Falvor Flav is all up in that tall white chicks grill..that show is awesome “strange love”..its like a train wreck I cant stop watching

  • h

    Re: your church records and always being found, would your family disown you if you resigned from the church and had your records removed? is a good guide to having your records removed. That said, I can understand that it might just be easier to go along with constantly being “found” in order to please your family.

  • Dave M

    RazDreams – you bet we can! What photo…?

  • GOD

    everyone know BIG sag the 10 Crack Commandments!

  • Dang Cold in Toronto

    Her and Jennifer Aniston are the same sex? A mug like that and she believes in God?? PUHLEEEESE!!!
    I swear that woman is part ape.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    It’s a photo of Girl.A in a curly red wig, singing a heartfelt rendition of “Hard Knock Life.”

  • Gross

    Didn’t Flava Flav do that white manly chick on the Sureal Life? 6 degrees, no doubt.

  • lynne

    Berenstain Bear!!! HELP! I can’t breathe. Jon, sure is a keeper, huh? He is so damn funny.
    Curiosity was killing the cat, but satisfaction has brought her back. Thanks. Agree about RC Cola….dooce and NRBQ…both in one place, I don’t think I can contain myself. Oh, the pure rapture.

  • Fish


  • closet metro

    GOD – Didn’t Flav sing “I don’t wanna be called your nigga’”

    C’mon God, you gotta respect the Flav!

  • bunny

    My hubby used to be Mormon- I think you can ask em to remove your name from the rolls. He was dumped or excommunicated (long time ago, he forgot which) and at this point I don’t think they track him. (His big sin? Switching to a “regular” Christian church.)

    I could never live in Utah, no matter how friendly the people were. The LDS system freaks me out, man.

  • PajamaMama

    OH NO! Not an “Annie” ear worm? La la la la la la, I can’t hear you.

  • GOD’s lawyer

    False God, the bylaws of Heaven clearly state that where an entity claims to be god but once called themselves something else such as “Kieran,” that DOESN’T COUNT, JACKASS.

  • Big Gay Sam

    Hi Dooce! I just dropped by to lend my support and to say… my hate mail is worse than yours.. nyah nyah nyah!!

    At least you aren’t called “a virus that needs to be destroyed.” or “the reason American society is failing.” or my personal favorite, “the reason for A.I.D.S.”

    “The opinions of worthless people are worthless.”

    Make that your daily mantra. :o p

  • PiscusFiche

    Wow. That is not a flattering picture of Michelle King.

    (And I feel old for saying this, because even though I am younger than Michelle, and younger than Heather/Dooce even, I still remember seeing Michelle when she first went on-air at KUTV. For some reason, I always got her mixed up with Sharlene Wells.)

  • mg2

    This one’s for Amanda B. and her frying pan:

    So hard to see
    That a woman like you could wait around for a man like me
    Yes I’m ooooooon my way
    Mighty glad ya stayed.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Poor Other Heather!

  • mish

    Wow. Labs gone bad. Who woudda thunk? I mean as soon as you start reading the article and see rottweiler thats who you think the bad dog is. Its all their rep. Most are quite nice and gentle. My gay huskie had a quite loving, and by that I mean lots of mutual humping and kissing, w/ an 80lb rottie who was the gentlest thing in the park. Thankfully the other Heather recovered.

  • Which God wrote these?

    I hope P.E. wasn’t your answer.

  • pinky

    Heather, you totally rock; I love your site. I sent your link to my dyed-in-the-wool-Southern-Baptist-doesn’t-like-the-word-fuck-sister and she loved it too. And that’s saying alot.

  • Jenie

    Ooh…that’s right…I forgot about Chuck Fridays…yay! But…no tuna talk..sorry!

  • GOD


    FEAR of a BLACK PLANET! 911 is a JOKE!


  • LadyBug

    *Kim* (at 9:51) – I think that’s been termed “Dooced by proxy”

    and *Colleen from NJ* (at 8:10) – Right back atcha, girl! Mwah!

  • RazDreams

    Five-hundred-and-ninety-five comments?! Sheeesh. Can we make it to 600 without half of them being about the actual daily photo itself?

  • GOD

    Yo where is that Uppercase Bitch…im getting bored here and might have to go back to work

  • http:// Kupferkopf (aka Tracy)

    OK, too many Tracy’s around here now, so I’m changing my tag…

    I can’t believe the asshats whose dogs bit your friend totally pulled a bit-and-run. If my dog bit someone (espeically after I screamed for help), I’d bend over backwards making sure they were taken care of.

    Fish, I can’t believe you made both Dooce and the MGA weep. You are a bad, bad man.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Holy shit, I get my beauty sleep (which hasn’t worked yet) and the comments are nearly 600 in number?

    And who the hell thought it was a good idea to let Girl.A loose with a perfectly good wig? As Hound Dog Taylor once pleaded, “Give me back my wig, baby let your head go bald!”

    Oh, and on a much, much stranger note: I don’t remember the Twinkie, but I distinctly remember Aaron claiming his penicular girth resembled a can of tuna.

    Who wants to talk about tuna ’til the Chuck pic is up?

  • GOD

    I am the beginning and the end!

  • Amanda B.

    Fish- I’ve totally got you beat.

    So I went to the paper,
    took out a personal ad.
    And though I’m nobodys poet
    I guess it wasn’t half bad:

    If you like Pina Colada,
    getting caught in the rain.
    If you’re not into Yoda…
    then you have half a brain.

    If you like makin love at midnight
    in the dunes on the Cape…
    you’re the lady I looked for,
    Come with me and escape.

  • coskel

    i’m happy – dooce is back to its usual mirth-filled creame goodness.
    damn,the cat wokeme up

  • closet metro

    UPPERCASE GOD – Who’s going to win the Superbowl? Which team has GOD on their side?

  • karinka

    I know I said this about the boobahs, but that Olene Walker looks like a maskless, dying Darth Vadar with a wig on.

  • christine

    I just spent THREE HOURS reading today’s comments, following links, etc. And it was worth every minute.

  • Carol

    Damn Falcons can’t win shit!

  • Em

    Funny picture! Loved your entry. Don’t let the haters get you down. Most of us think you are fan-fucking-tastic.

  • Henryk_DTD272058KJAN05


  • Which God wrote these?

    [Chuck D] “One two three four five six seven eight nine”

    Uhh, it’s the ten crack commandments
    What, uhh, uhh
    Nigga can’t tell me nothin bout this coke, uh-huh
    Can’t tell me nothin bout this crack, this weed
    To my hustlin niggaz
    Niggaz on the corner I ain’t forget you niggaz
    My triple beam niggaz, word up

    [Chuck D] “One two three four five six seven eight nine”

    I been in this game for years, it made me a animal
    It’s rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
    A step by step booklet for you to get
    your game on track, not your wig pushed back
    Rule nombre uno: never let no one know
    how much, dough you hold, cause you know
    The cheddar breed jealousy ‘specially
    if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up
    Number two: never let em know your next move
    Don’t you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence
    Take it from your highness (uh-huh)
    I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips
    Number three: never trust no-bo-dy
    Your moms’ll set that ass up, properly gassed up
    Hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck
    she be layin in the bushes to light that ass up
    Number four: know you heard this before
    Never get high, on your own supply
    Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at
    I don’t care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce
    Number six: that god damn credit, dead it
    You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it
    Seven: this rule is so underrated
    Keep your family and business completely seperated
    Money and blood don’t mix like two dicks and no bitch
    Find yourself in serious shit
    Number eight: never keep no weight on you
    Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too
    Number nine shoulda been number one to me
    If you ain’t gettin bags stay the fuck from police (uh-huh)
    If niggaz think you snitchin ain’t tryin listen
    They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin
    Number ten: a strong word called consignment
    Strictly for live men, not for freshmen
    If you ain’t got the clientele say hell no
    Cause they gon want they money rain sleet hail snow
    Follow these rules you’ll have mad bread to break up
    If not, twenty-four years, on the wake up
    Slug hit your temple, watch your frame shake up
    Caretaker did your makeup, when you pass
    Your girl fucked my man Jake up, heard in three weeks
    she sniffed a whole half of cake up
    Heard she suck a good dick, and can hook a steak up
    Gotta go gotta go, more pasta bake up, word up, uhh

    Crack king, Frank Blizzard

    [Chuck D] “One two three four five six seven eight nine”

  • Nail Biter

    Thanks Alena- I knew SOMEONE obviously cool, rockin’ and kick ass, would admit to sharing my compulsive oddity of frame-crashing (as opposed to gate crashing, geddit?!) if only we could manage to work our way into our very own Dooce Daily Pic?

    Just one thing: Heather, when exactly are you relocating to Australia?

    coz, you see, otherwise I have Dubya’s chance in hell of getting framed by Dooce.

    and yeh, Im with all the Doocers on getting some merch up and happening, bumper stickers: “My Child Graduated From Dooce Academy”, “FIRST”, and the inevitable “You’re DOOCED!”…and t-shirts too and baby clothes/dog clothes and mouse pads and beanies and keychains and a makeup line called Heather B(eautiful)…heck, I envisage an entire swimsuit range coming on…HERALD ALL DESIGNERS!

    sorry god, that is all

  • Kaiasmom

    I don’t usually post and haven’t in awhile but I just wanted to say that I love your site and have made it my default homepage so whenever I click on Internet Explorer I can always check right away if there is any new posts.(I know, I know this is probably very wierd to some people). I am a young stay at home mom of a 14 month old baby girl and reading your posts and rants and your often humorous view on life is very inspiarational to me and often can make me view some of the little annoying things that happen throughout my day as a little bit more funny. NEVER listen to those few haters out there. I also send this to Beth too. Her site is great and I read it everyday, right after I read yours! Keep Writing….

  • GOD

    search for Kieran – thats me. I go back to almost the begnning biatches

  • Barry


    Great pic. Even better title. Re: the sappy post. Put me in the category with the ones that think you’re glorius. Back to lurking…

  • Lisey

    the more I hang out with my Fellow Doocians (you know you could officially have your very own cult Heather?!), the more I realise how totally NOT WEIRD it is that you have made your homepage…go girl…in fact, GO ALL OF US…

  • Erin

    I like the guy smiling in the background! haha…

  • cat

    A pack of dogs attacked me as I rode by on my purple, Huffy, banana-seated, basket-wearing bicycle of awesomeness. The dogs ate the yellow pom-poms off my brand-new ankle socks! (Shut up, it was the early 80′s) I have never fully recovered. I can’t even LOOK at bicycles with banana seats anymore.

  • aic

    hey dooce – i first started reading your website when a friend, hearing me complain for the unpteenth time about some aspect of pregnancy, told me about your site. i really got hooked after my son was born. now i read once or twice at work and again at night – i have to pump at the end of the day to keep my milk supply up, so i read while i pump – and this site is most certainly lovely and well written, but one of the highest compliments i can give is that stimulates let down.

  • Mike Zeidler

    Trust me, newspeople *always* look like that, especially to their photographers.