First Secty

  • Badie

    Great website, Dooce. I’m fairly new to visiting, but you’ve got me hooked. One question about your adorable daughter – is her name pronounced “Lay-ta” or “Lee-ta”?

  • Lushlife

    OB/GYN – Dr Dick his daughter Ophelia Dick – no kidding.

  • Annejelynn

    Erin H. and CanadianAMy — in H.S. some friends and myself went around town painting red dots on all the deer crossing/warning signs…

    was absolutely AWESOME when later that week I was driving w/ my father (recall I was in trouble and had been sent off with him to run errands –neither of us were talking to one another) and he saw one of the ‘rudolph’ signs, and he totally busted out laughing… the mood in the car took a 180 and we spent the afternoon teasing one another, enjoying our errands. I held my tongue and never told him I did it.

  • Home Detention Lady

    I interned in Houston, TX as a Juvenile Parole Officer, and a kid came across a PO’s desk with the name “Royal Payne”… I’ve also come across a Caprice (a car) and a Hennessy (the liquor) since being the HDL. Not to mention a brother sister duo named Herman and Hermania. Oh, and another kid named Stoney. That was seriously the name listed on his birth certificate. And, sure enough, he was stoney all the time, and I had to take him back to detention for it….

  • ella’s ma

    After college, I lived in Fresno for a short time. We always used to joke that it wasn’t hell but you could see it from there. One night I was driving out of town and in the next town over the Shell station along the freeway had the S out on it’s sign. I’ve never laughed so hard.

  • KTP

    I just want to quickly weigh in on the depression discussion (I know, so yesterday). I had a dear friend who was bipolar, and I SO didn’t get it. She ended up dying from it. Now I get it, and I wish I had gotten it before. I miss her, even though she was crazy.

  • Robyn

    Someone should knock out the “y”.

  • monkeypuzzled

    Down the street from me there’s a a dentist named Anita L. Fok. Seriously. It’s like, honey, you’re not fooling anyone with this ‘L’ business.

    Hey, Dooce, I’m reporting from just the other side of the “one nap” divide, and it’s good over here. It seemed like for a couple weeks there my daughter would only nap in the stroller or the car, so I went with it, even though like you I had sworn I never would. Turns out, she just had to settle into a new routine. Now she takes a nice 1.5-2 hour nap in the middle of the day, the day isn’t totally shot waiting around for two naps, and as an extra special bonus, she sleeps later in the morning, too.

    Mind you, that means she no longer wakes up at 5 am. Woo hoo! Sleeping until 6!

  • Annejelynn

    Theses thoughts… how does one formulate these kinds of ODD thoughts? oh my – LMAO!

    Bucky Four-Eyes said at 09:04AM, 02.01.2005:

    “mothered Beef Brisket”?

    Does that mean it was soaked in breast milk before it went in the oven?

  • Annejelynn

    nope, don’t got no blog (“ain’t got no rain barrel, ain’t got no cellar door…” those playschool lines ring a bell for anyone?)

    But if I ever do, I’m sure I could totally get Astroglide to sign on! Astro is capable of saving relationships!!!

    STORY: Once the stuff ruined a brand new set of sateen sheets (despite the claim it won’t stain)…
    I wrote to the makers of Astroglide (dammit, the sheets were xpenseeve!) and complained. They not only paid for replacement of my bedsheets, they sent me 2 free bottles of Astro! and a travel size!

  • Cathi

    I hate these artistic types of pictures. They make me feel stoopid because I don’t get them. What does it MEAN?

    Dooce – Baby hugs are awesome, and kisses aren’t so far behind (I’m talking about the open-mouthed, tongue and slobber all over the face kisses – mine insists on getting each cheek). Once you think you couldn’t melt any more.

  • bell

    dooce – ditto everyone else, your blog rocks. i started reading when wwdn linked you a couple of months back, and then obsessively read through your archives to catch up. what fun!

    we did the for sale sign thing back in high school as well – we actually put it in front of the school! it disappeared after a couple of days and we weren’t sure anyone noticed, but then a picure of it turned up in year book.
    Then we went to eat at the WAFFLE HOSE.

  • The Wife

    As a teenager we (my friends & I) would steal drivers side windshield wipers. As well as gas caps. We would also move realestate signs. We were bastards.

  • victoria

    Who wants to bet that personal lubricant companies will soon take out ads on

  • Erin H.


    That reminds me of when my friends and I were fifteen. We used to run around town during the wee hours doing sign re-arranging. My favorite was “Enjoy a trip to the moon, only $87947697694763!” by our local crappy diner.

    We also drew hula hoops on the pedestrians on the pedestrian crossing signs. I guess we could have been worse.

  • tiffi

    I don’t see anything wrong with driving your baby around till she falls asleep. my mom used to give us Triaminic to get us to sleep when she needed sanity time, and she joked about it for years afterward. that would merit a visit by Children & Family Services nowadays, but hey, there ya go.

    By the way, does the New York Times need new copy editors?
    But the question is, at who’s expense?

  • Kano

    The head of security is also the guy in charge of changing the bulbs.

  • Annejelynn

    Dang cold, CHEERS to us all!

  • AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch

    Heather said:
    “How about you just rip my heart out of my body and stretch it around my head and then back under my butt, IT WAS THAT SPECTACULAR.”

    Oh, I love it when you make me laugh like this Heather. You brizz-ighten my day!

  • not-that-Andrea

    I went through grade school, junior high and part of high school with Holden Cox. The poor boy.

  • CanadianAmy

    I didn’t get a pic, Mari. I always miss the boat on stuff like that.
    I did call friends in my neighborhood and told them to go see it though. And my nine year old learnt himself a brand new word that day.

  • Susie

    Oh, Dang cold — yes, Nellie Olsen! That’s our Holly. Cheers to you from Mom and me.

    Annejelynn, you’re too much, girl. Do you have a blog? If/When you do, the Astroglide folks should pay you big bucks. And I don’t think anyone’s said it yet (at least not today), but isn’t everyone always thinking “ASS-troglide,” and didn’t the marketing people so totally do that deliberately?

  • Amanda B.

    Matt- “can’t be arsed”. Is that a Britishism? I love it.

  • Dang cold…

    Annejelynn, I just read your comment to Susie about your parents. I don’t know which one of you I’d like to bear hug more so tonight when I meet some friends for a few brews, I’m going to put down 4 of them. One for you, one for your mom, one for susie and one for her mom. (ching ching)

    You’ve both made me feel like its St. Pats day….or mothers day…you catch my drift.

    I’ve pictured Holly as looking like “Nellie Olsen” from Little House on the Praire which I used to watch as a kid. I’ve made a small voodoo doll of her likeness and stuffed it with a bit of catnip. Left it in my living room before I went to work this morning and as I walked out the door my 3 devils were stalking it slowly like Pavarotti on Monte Crysto sandwich. I doubt they’ll be anything left of her when I get back tonight. Perhaps my cats are self-absorbed and selfish for tearing her limb from limb??? hmmmm…let me muse.

  • LadyBug

    Aw, Dooce. Your “Goddess of Love” post made me cry a little. Of course, I’m all PMSing and whatnot. *sniff*

  • victoria

    Astroglide: How did anyone ever have sex without it? Men inconveniently did not evolve to produce their own lubrication and so it’s impossible to do anything creative (i.e., nonprocreative) without chafing the tools of their proceduring unless you have a little help from Astroglide.

    Astroglide. It’s not just for gay men anymore.

  • Mari

    Canadianarmy, that’s hilarious. I hope you got a picture of that before they fixed it.

  • Annejelynn

    Beckythefirst and me – we kid you not! We were telling the truth! see!?!

  • CanadianAmy

    Here’s what the local rascals did at our nearby dollar store:
    It WAS

    Then they took out a few letters:

    U R E C UNT

    It lasted less than a day, then you saw the little chinese owner guy out there fixing it.

  • Annejelynn

    Astroglide is the best – I even told my own father he needed to put the sticky, gummed-up KY Jelly away and give my step-mom a real ride. I know how that sounds — way way beyond the boundaries of normal parent-child relationship convo, but my popa is one of my best-friends…he just happens to also be my dad.

  • Matt in London

    Would you trust a company that can’t be arsed to ensure that it’s own signs were working??

    Personally I like adding the letter ‘i’ to the middle of all the ‘to let’ signs on the houses around our way.

  • Annejelynn

    # We are all Dorks, squared said at 01:27PM, 02.01.2005:

    As long as they aren’t names Astroglide or Oh Shit It Broke…

    If you haven’t tried it, Astroglide truly is “second only to nature.” For all my younger mormon cousins who’ve been getting married in droves over the last 3 yrs, as a wedding gift, I give them a silk “goodie bags” for their first night together…the all essential Astroglide for that ‘first time.’ The 1st time I did this, my grandma found out and tried to tear me a new one – but the day after the honeymoon night, the happy newlyweds met with the extended family for brunch before flyin’ off to Hawaii…and they told me I saved their wedding night! Cute lil’ virgins no more!

  • Carol

    GirlA – did you ever see the “Live Poultry, Fresh Killed” sign on Cambridge Ave? That one always cracked us up!

  • GOD’s Secretary

    Hello. GOD is busy smiting Holly Suckit, but asked me to relay the following message:

    Kids. You guys are wound up like the ass hairs of a Poodle with a Geri Curl. Are you smoking the drugs again? You know I will find out sooner or later.

    That is all.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    “mothered Beef Brisket”?

    Does that mean it was soaked in breast milk before it went in the oven?

  • Annejelynn

    Kum & Go! yeah – in Iowa! I thought to mention it myself, but it’s just so unbelievable…I had heard of them when we moved there, but I hadn’t seen one = thought it a bad joke. Then I took a picture of the 1st one I saw, driving to Chicago for a Cure concert in ’90

  • Rachel

    There’s a Babies R Us near my house which seems to lose the “i” almost every week.

    Babes R Us. Sounds like a brothel.

  • Megan


    Ha, right. My fave partially-burned out sign was for a Teriyaki Plus restaurant – Teriyaki Pus. Mmmm… Almost as good as Szechuan Pus.

  • Girl.A

    On my way to salsa class at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education, I used to pass the sign for what the cooking class people were making that night.

    One night it read:
    mothered Beef Brisket
    From the kitchen of Julia Childs

  • beckythefirst

    speaking of signs, have you all seen the gas stations in okla. that say KUM & GO?

    i am not kidding. i about broke my arm trying to get to the camera fast enough to take a picture of THAT priceless memory.

  • Alice Isnt Well

    our local eatery, “Farmer Smiffs Chicks” turned into “Fame If Hicks” after the red necks came and flogged the bulbs with rock guns…trust me, they got no fame!

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    LadyBug, I have officially pissed my pants, thankyouverymuch.

  • Epiphany

    Omigosh, Butternut!! MY grandmother’s hometown was Prentiss, Mississippi too!!! They’ve since moved away, but while my grandparents lived there, we’d eat at the Kuntry Kitchen every time we went to visit them.

    “iiiit’s a smaaall worrrld aaaafter allll…”

    …and Dooce, you’ve become a solid part of my morning ritual. I thank you. Love the site, love the pics, loveitloveitloveit.

  • pismire

    Here are some names for you:

    Penny Dish
    Candy Dish
    Dimple Suntich
    Horry Bumcum

    The Dish family went to school with my mother. The other two are associated with my work. Scary.

  • rhapsody

    The other night I saw a sign for SunTrust Bank. The S was burned out, making it “unTrust Bank.” How apt.

  • LadyBug

    Bucky Four-Eyes – You’reentirelywelcome. Sorry ’bout the mess.

    Good grief, but I’m a comment hog today. Sorry, Dooce.

  • gordon

    My personal favorite when I drive through Windsor (small town in Virginia) is the Shell gas station and the light on the “S” has burnt out…I knew Big Oil was evil, but never ever…

  • beckythefirst

    well, let us know if the driving worked.

    and watch out for those parent police.

  • erin

    In my town, we have a lit Hooters billboard along one of the highways. A lot of the lights have been going out lately, so we’re almost down to ‘Ho s’ now – rather appropriate don’t you think? Hahah

  • LadyBug

    OMG! I can’t believe I didn’t think of this earlier…

    I live in a small Texas town, and several years ago there was a kid playing high school football here named (I shit you not) *Anus Fagg*