This is what happens when you tell the dog that no, he can’t come to the grocery store with you and the baby

  • CanadianAmy

    Dang cold,


  • red

    take that, duck!

  • annabelle

    I’m suspicious of that duck incident. I think scissors might have been involved- Damn that dog is talented.

  • carolina

    I don’t know why but I find that hilarious.

  • Matt in London

    maybe the duck had butter balanced on its nose??

  • annabelle

    Cathi, I am in complete agreement. My post was meant to be tongue in cheek- I was teasing, that’s all- because certainly Heather can’t completely erase her religious heritage.

  • andy

    Comment from my dog:

    What the hell did she expect? Replacing me with that little biped!

  • Circus Kelli

    Am I last?!

  • Amanda B.

    I think Fishypants is revamping his blog. There has been some trouble with blogger as of late.

    See sillyhead. People do love you.

  • Dang cold…

    No I am..hand me that cepter!!

  • Girl From Ipanema

    Poor Chuck! He’s just trying to express himself…poor duck, too…he didn’t have a chance…

  • Cathi

    I got you Annabelle, but I don’t speak Mormon or “Saved,” so I have no idea what the copulating with gay homosexuals has to do with it.
    I’m intrigued by the discussion, though… what power Heather must wield to entice a man who’s not attracted to women. It’s pretty impressive, no?

  • LeChico

    I know this is but fish… came by ur website through dooce and now i read dooce, blurbomat and ur website EVERYDAY. well.. until today. i’ll miss u loads… do take care and hope u start writing again SOON

  • annabelle

    Excuse me, I meant “Of course, HE isn’t…”

  • Jo

    i should think so! Poor Chucky…

  • Cathi

    How could someone completely exorcise every last bit of conditioning from organized religion? As much as I’d like to think I’ve separated myself from the church I can’t agree with or blindly accept, it’s all I knew growing up; it’s a part of my mindset… an emotional scar.
    With Dooce, I see it in the phraseology she chooses… “Heavenly Father” isn’t a regular term in the Roman Catholic church; I’m assuming it’s a Mormon thing. It’s no endorsement — just what she knows or was conditioned to say. That’s really hard to erase.

  • Dang cold…

    Friends, ducklovers, countrymen, lend me your ears;

    I come to bury Ducky, not to praise him.

    The evil that dogs do lives after them;

    The good is oft interred with their raw hide costco bones…..

  • annabelle

    Has Heather ever acknowledged the very real possibility that she may have been still just a little Mormon while copulating with gay men in L.A.? That perhaps her motivation was conversion- a-la (is that how you write that?) the Jena Malone character in “Saved”? Where’s the pic today? I told five friends last night about this website including an ex-Mormon from Utah who starts to sweat whenever he gets within a hundred miles of Utah- he was so cynical about Mormons that even when I told him how much Heather curses and drinks and is irreverent in general, he still insisted she must still be a little Mormon (Of course HE doesn’t…), which led me to wonder if Heather’s gay lovin’ wasn’t evangelically motivated.

  • Liz

    I hope Fish hasn’t been *dooced* ! That would be the worst!

  • Big Gay Sam

    sex.. with.. gay men… *erp* The visuals are apalling…

    there should be a law against that!

    No worries. As long as Bush is in office there will be.

    :o P

  • Andrea in Canada

    my parent’s dog humps the pillows in the living room when everyone leaves. He leaves the pillows scattered all over the place. He’s been caught in the act a number of times.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    So, Sam. . .Anal Biker Chicks are OK, but Anal Biker Dudes are right out?

  • Katrina

    The way I see it, the duck had it coming…what with rolling his eyes and all…Chuck had no choice. Every duck has it’s day.

    AND, the duck does look a little marshmallowey. I’d take a bite just to make sure I wasn’t missing out on some scrumptios marshmallow action.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Sorry, must be as obnoxious as possible, as quickly as possible, because I will be away from my computer most of the day. *bleh*

  • Cathi

    Andrea, A friend’s (female) chihauhua mix will drag a huge stuffed white monkey out when guests are there and proceed to hump it in the middle of the livingroom.

  • Kristen

    I had the best dream last night. Dooce had a supporting role in a blockbuster movie!

  • Katrina

    scrumptious even

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Just please don’t tell us the blockbuster movie was “Anal Biker Chicks.”

  • Erin

    I’ve been trying to use your trick of telling the offensive object. “NO NO NO” instead of my dog, but she just cowers and makes me feel like an ass…how do you do it?

  • mg2

    I’m pretty sure I enjoy licking dood balls, but only when they’re soft and salty.

  • Dang cold..

    “taken from the water too soon”

    -sound of sad bagpipe music-

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Wasn’t there a rock song about that? “Dood Balls to the Wall”?

  • Evil Stepmother

    Aw, poor ducky, and poor Chuck. Great pic and thumbnail, though.

    Re: the flaming fart – yay, a little reader! And farter! That makes my heart all warm.

  • Diana

    Poor duck ;) hehe

  • Jennifyr

    I cry for the poor ducky. He was so innocent.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    I’m pretty sure I kneed a guy in the dood balls one time.

    Or maybe twice.

  • Charlotte

    I recently found the chicken from the Little People farm mangled and missing his head. Could we have a serial killer with a fowl grudge on the loose?

  • mg2

    come over here and I’ll show you, little girl.

  • Cathi

    damitol – I just spit tea onto the computer. Do they sell insurance for this?

    “let out a fart that blew a flaming hole into the sheets” – I’ll laugh at this, but it’s only funny until the smell hits me.

  • bluecheese

    unrelated to this photo, but you have prettty eyes!

  • CanadianAmy

    Yeah then Alex the oversexed ME can come and say,

    “They took you out of the water too soon, didn’t they sweetheart.”

    Then she will lean over the duck with her boobs sticking out of her shirt like they always do.

  • mg2

    Old Broad, that was touching. Do you want some of my dood balls?

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    The Chuckster is a spiteful little brat too eh? My dog will take a crap by the back door if I tell her she can’t come with us, even if she REALLY doesn’t have to go. Its kinda like take THAT fecal matter.

  • The Old Broad




    *whispers to self – what are dood balls?*

  • closet metro

    Caruso: “and I’m going to find the sick puppy that did this to you.”

  • Meggan

    I, like linuxgrl, went to Fish’s blog today and panicked because, well, it was gone. I miss him. I wanted more pictures of Tiny E. Also, I had no idea that Fish was uppercase GOD, whom I really enjoyed as well. *sniff*

  • Dang cold…

    If we look closely, you’ll notice a residue of plum sauce in the outer area of the duckus maximus. Indicating that this was a planned attack. Szechuan recipe and all.

  • The Old Broad

    annakay said, “when i come here, i feel like i’m sitting with a huge group of friends. there’s always a few of us quiet ones who appreciate what the lively ones have to say. so this is actually a big thank you to everyone.”

    Chiming in to say *Me too* Long-time reader, not with-it enough to figure out how to comment (don’t ask) until just recently, but I so feel like I’m among friends here in the comments section.

    Amanda B, Bucky, Carol, Closet Metro, Dr. Johnny, Fish, Girl A, La Pix, MG2, Mrs Striz, Shiz, Squish, and all the rest…you make me laugh out loud every day with your shenanigans.

    Heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you for making this old broad smile now and then.

    Fish, you will be missed. Please don’t be a stranger.

    Dooce, keep on keepin’ on! You help people every day with your wit and honesty! I appreciate you.

    Um, okay, that’s all I wanted to say.

    *runs back under rock*

  • CanadianAmy

    Then the CSI team can come in and take bite mark measurements, maybe run a q-tip along the side of the duck to get a saliva sample, and take it all back to the lab to identify the REAL killer.

  • HDC

    Dooce, you need to hang out with Wendy more! That’s the most genuinely happy you’ve ever been in any pictures you’ve posted of yourself.

    (I’d say the same about the wedding day pics, but most of the shots have you and Jon lip-locked).