The dude with the glasses ripped it on the slopes

  • cathi

    My toilet fear for the longest time was a ferocious alligator that had eaten nuclear waste. I think that was from a movie.

    Then there was the parrot with the big, sharp beak from the joke. (“I see your heiny, all bright and shiny. You better hide it, or else I’ll bite it.”) I heard that one way too young, and it scared the bejesus out of me.

  • kc

    Thanks, Raz; it’s nice to see that someone understood. I know the other members don’t like to hear dissenting opinions; I didn’t really expect them to agree with me, especially the ones who requested the pics in the first place. I did *not* expect to be called an “ass-troll,” but I have to say that actually gave me a chuckle. Anyway, if I couldn’t take the backlash, I wouldn’t have posted here. Thanks again, Raz! To everyone else, carry on.

  • boadicea

    hey dooce,

    love your site! If you ever get tired of being famous and a fabulous stay-at-home mom you could always go work for BYU. According to they are in the top 5 places to work. Ha!

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Yes, BFE – I have considered going on the Montel Williams Show, alongside Sylvia Brown, however I am a toilet bowl psychic. I can tell exactly what the person who sat on the toilet before me was thinking. I can feel their ghostly ass vibes!

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Me…easily distracted LMAO

  • Jennifer in Kansas City

    Look at that snow! One of the rare times I went skiing, I was being my usual chatty self, and so I chirped to the man next to me on the lift, “Ski much?” He nodded. My friend was collapsing with laughter.
    He was National Ski Patrol. Durrrrrrrr.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    That was definitely one acquatic rat!

    My sister scared me when I was little by telling me that you shouldn’t take a shit when it is is lightening outside. She said that she heard of a guy who got electrocuted when a lightening bolt traveled through his sewage lines and through his toilet, and subsequently landed on his ass. I am still petrified whenever I get on the loo when it is even raining outside!

  • Circus Kelli

    Michelle Brady: Thank heavens for modern medical technology and tubal ligations.

    AMEN! and pass the chocolate!

  • beachgal

    I love looking at pictures of snow, especially when I don’t have to actually deal WITH the snow.

    Hope Leta didn’t keep you up all nite and that’s why this was so early.

  • lilyothefield

    annejelynn- wasn’t that gremlins?? that is all i can think of.

    When i was about 5, we had a rat come up our toilet. my mom had recently broken her ankle, and dad threatened it with one of the crutches. the funniest part of it was mom repeating, “don’t you touch that rat with my crutches. yoou’d better not touch it.”

  • Eclair

    Oh. My. God. Becky. …. My husband serenades me with that song.. “Red beans and rice didn’t miss her…” “35-25-37? Only if she’s 5’3″!” God damn MixALot. For the record, I’m 5’5″.

    ClosetMetro #159. He and my husband have matching “Sulphur” T-shirts. I just don’t like other folks teasing – leaves less for me.

  • nika

    that looks like so much fun, I’d even risk my neck, forgetting how much skiing/snowboarding scares me.

  • lilyothefield

    my mom has checked the bowl ever since before sitting.

  • LadyBug

    CHEESE! Who said cheese? ‘Manda B.? You talkin’ cheese, girl?

    Or are we back to the fart talk, as in *Who cut the cheese?*

  • MyChelle

    So early today!

    My 37 year old significant other DRINKS a GALLON of milk every 3 or 4 days. Seriously…YUCK. Whole milk, too – I got a pretty please baby buy me the real stuff when I tried to slide down to 2%.

    And that dude with the glasses looks straight outta 1963. I have a pic of my dad wearing just that hat & those specs…

  • Sophie

    I’m deathly afraid of poop. I’m scared it might jump up, chase me, and hunt me down. I mean seriously, the poop on South Park has caused severe nightmares. Think about it, what if your poop just jumped up and started singing???

  • the niffer

    That’s it Amanada B. You’re dead after school. You just messed with the wrong niffer and that Andrea.

  • desiree

    so beautiful!

  • Annejelynn

    when I was little, I had seen some movie preview that had shown some lil’ troll-like creature coming up from a toilet… for months thereafter, I think I was petrified to take a dump or use the toilet in general — I was stand/squat about the toilet bowl making my deposit while looking downward into the bowl, watching out for something to come up at me!

  • ashik

    My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hon!!!!

  • bushra

    the dude with the glasses looks like an extra from Columbo.

  • Annejelynn

    WOULD – not I ‘was’…I WOULD stand/squat…(correcting myself, as if anyone cares)

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    To hell with romancin
    she sweat(?) wet got it going like a turbo jet

  • Abbey

    ooo can’t believe I am in before these posts hit 100!

    Dooce – read religiously (although not very biblical myself) every day. You are a funny, talented, inspirational lady. Thanks for always sharing…

    A girl from Belfast City…probably THE ONLY ONE (yes, CAPS LOCK ROCKS!)

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I have always been slightly afraid of toilets and drains. You never know what sort of demon is lurking in there – salamanders, crocodiles, ass trolls, the list never ends!

    Oh, and you know what I hate! I hate it when someone uses the toilet before me and warms up the seat. I can almost feel their ass cheeks on my own. Gag!

  • Girl.A

    Amanda B?
    Can it be true? Your ass is here for my pleasure?!

    Too late. I’m already spent.
    Will wait for Fergus’ ass tomorrow.

    (For the dry readers: I am referring to the pleasure of laughing. Will laugh at Fergus’ ass. That was a little double-intendre up there. Girl.A is not a bestial girl.)

  • Mamaramma

    Mmmmm… I want to go to Solitude Village and Restaurants.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Ah, Annejelyn, haven’t we all experienced the Mystery of the Disappearing Poo (sounds like a Nancy Drew novel). I personally don’t see how my thick turds could fit down the poo shaft without the vacuum action of flushing, but apparently it is possible. Unless there is a poo-troll (maybe an ASS TROLL?) that lives in there and eats shit. That sounds about right.

  • that-andrea

    What’d you say about cheese? Don’t get me started, man.

  • TexaRican

    WTF? Usually around this time I am waiting for the new Dooce o’ the day! Jeez, were y’all all up doing the Ebay treasure hunt or something? :)

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Don’t worry, Striz. All the shitmist ended up on my ass, which I promptly wiped, of course. Also, I think someone complained about my loud plunks because they now keep economy sized Lysol spray in there, so I sprayed it all up.

  • the niffer

    You got sumpin against cheese?

  • rich

    “ripped it on the slopes”
    uh… that sounds way Californian to me.

  • Girl.A

    In honor of my friend Fish:
    ” I’m feeling so flushed ! “

  • Amanda B.

    Some of you could start a major war over cheese. Lighten up. Let it go. Pictures of asses are funny.

  • Kendra

    WOW, almost top 50! I think this IS the earliest daily photo ever.

    Love the snow. Moved to Thunder Bay from Southern Ontario last Sept and snow snow snow. I love it!!

  • lilyothefield

    ahhh . . . poop stories. and the urge to pass them on.

    my apologies to all, i couldn’t help it. it just had to come out.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Oh ok. I don’t know you. hahaha

  • hannah

    #23; Aussie: Which guy in Love, Actually?
    And as for the early commenting, I left mine at about ten to eleven in the morning. So not so early, although with the vodkaness of last night, quite early. I like this whole time zone thing meaning I can leave a low numbered comment.

  • Mamaramma

    Speaking of pooping/bathroom at work: when I was in high school, my dad got me an internship working for the State. It was summer, and I was up all night with friends, but had to be at work every morning at 7:30. Soon, something was going to give. Eventually, I learned that the bathroom was a good place to take a nap, sitting on the toilet. No one ever seemed to notice – or if they did, they never told me.

  • ashik

    Striz –

    “use me, use me cuz you ain’t that average groupy”!!!

  • romy

    squish – “i got yew, babe.”

    imitating sonny you know.
    sorry. grisly.

    nice pic.

  • Annejelynn

    OH, I just remembered! *Mrs. Strizzay* – I’ve been meaning to tell ya that I experienced a disappearing poo a couple weeks ago and I totally thought of you! I know I made a deposit! I know I did, yet I turned to inspect my toiley bowl contribution and there wasn’t anything there…. it must have slipped down the, um, what would you call it? toilet bowl shaft????

  • Exact quote

    Here’s an exact quote from kc’s post:

    Leta deserves more respect than to be treated like a trained monkey.

    That is a shaming statement. Period.

  • CanadianAmy

    I had no idea that Randy Newman could ‘rip it on the slopes’.


  • Mrs.Strizzay

    And speed poo

  • the niffer

    And one more thing Amanda B – I think your ass is lovely. Do you curl?

  • deLish

    Snow is beautiful but no fun to deal with. I definitely don’t miss Michigan winters…

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    OMG Katie!!! That was gross. Shitmist is UNSANITARY!!!

  • Mrs.Strizzay