Posted in Daily Photo
I don’t know what happened to that guy. I was so embarrassed by the whole boob incident that I could never face him again. Maybe at our tenth year reunion I will talk to him about it and get a few chuckles out of it. It still traumatizes me to this day! It’s true that most boys would start throwing the thing around the room or stick it in their pants or something. I was lucky, that’s for sure!
My embarrassing moment also includes school+desk. In seventh grade Geography class, the room of 20 students were quietly taking their tests. I was taking the test the same way I always took a test, with my eyes 3 inches from the paper. You’d think I needed glasses, but oh no, I just felt more comfortable close-up. All the sudden, without warning, the largest sneeze exited my body with such force that my forehead was slammed into my desk. The loudest smack sound caused alarm for my neighbors, who soon began laughing. For the rest of the day, I had a blood-red goose egg on my forehead.
I’ve told this story many many times and still have not ever found anyone else on this earth that has had a sneezing accident. Could I be the only one?
SLC, the city of doom…
Beautiful sky shots you got there Heather. Keep it up!
The city looks so tiny from here… almost like an anthill…
That steering wheel and dashboard however look HUGE…
Hey – the steering wheeel is on the wrong side of the car
Embarrassing moment. This is sort of embarrassing by proxy, but when I was about twelve (and incredibly, horribly shy) and the breakdancing craze was in full swing, my father, who was and is still a cutting-edge trendsetter took a giant piece of linoleum and a giant boom box out to the patio for several weeks on end and taught himself to breakdance.
Kids were lined up along my fence screaming “GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!!”
I wanted to *die*.
He was pretty good, though.
Another one – when I was young and thin and had no ass I used to work as a runway model.
I was about fifteen and doing a very chi-chi swanky show that involved these hideous expensive beaded gowns.
I was extremely nervous and missed my mark at the end of the runway and consequently tripped on my heels, toppling off the runway and landing in some rich old broad’s lap. You could hear beads skittering far and wide.
I started to bawl, because I thought I’d have to pay for the dress, and a giant booger shot onto the lady’s dress.
All I could think of to say is “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, let me get that for you.”
Ew God, I just thought of one more. When I was sixteen I had this boyfriend who wanted me to give him a hickey. I had never done it and the only ones I had ever seen were on this chick in my English class that were HUGE and really dark purple, and I thought that’s what they were supposed to look like.
Kids called me Hoover for a month.
GO DAVE! GO DAVE! IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY! DO THE ROBOT!
Brandi R. — OMG, please forgive me, but that is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day… I nearly had my own “embarassing moment” when I had to stop myself from laughing out loud so the boss doesn’t catch on that I may or may not be doing actual work right now…
I just got back from Dr. Johnny Fever’s Oscar commentary: I highly recommend it for anyone who wants an insightful critique of last night’s boob-a-palooza
My dad is pushing sixty and can still do a pretty mean Caterpillar.
The scene: The hallways of your average highschool, between classes.
The set up: Shy Bookworm (me), walking to class with a large stack of books clutched to her chest, spies the Cute Boy she has a huge, unrequited crush on.
The spike: Cute Boy glances in my direction (causing tunnel vision as the rest of the world suddenly ceases to exist) and my foot catches on the corner of an upturned doormat. I go sprawling in a most spectacular display of flying books and flailing limbs.
The bonus round: After the stunned moment of disbelief wherein I begin to collect my dignity by stoically ignoring the snickers of my schoolmates, Cute Boy actually comes over to help me gather my belongings. If I could have just crawled under that mat and died….
I love dooce!! it is like my morning cup o’ java!!!
How far away was that taken from? I like how the wheel is in the picture – sort of just “there.” I always try to get my steering wheel OUT of the pictures; perhaps I should try leaving it in them….
My whole life has been one embarassing moment after another. Recently I went to the pub and ordered a beer with a frosty mug. I went to pour the beer and was surprised when I only poured a little and it was full. I had the mug upside down. I went ahead and drank the beer out of the bottom of my mug thinking that maybe I had escaped notice. Unfortunately everyone saw it, and my buddies are still making sure that I pour beer into the right end of the mug. The worst part? I was totally sober.
Anyone care to join me for a beer shot?
Happy Fourth Anniversary to you, Heather. You are an inspiration to many, and a joy to read every day.
I’m going to add my embarrassing moment to your frontlist in a moment.
that’s gotta be on 1-215 east heading towards downtown. these photos are great reminders of the beauty of slc. keeps me going while i am studying federal income tax in philly. 2 more weeks and then – ski trip!
I grew up in a very small town, population 1,900. My father, was single, we were related to 10% of the population either by blood or marriage. I was an only child, but grew up with loads of cousins. Anyway, everyone knows everyone, and my dad was one of those guys that drove down main street and if he saw one of his lady friends or even his best friends mom, he would whistle real loud and shout out things like “Hey you sexy momma” or “Hey good lookin”. Meanwhile cut to me…sliding down, down, down to the floorboard of the truck. It would be one thing if this happened once or twice, but this was my childhood and teen years. Until I no longer required rides from my dad.
That said, today I look back and see that my Dad made people blush, smile, even laugh. My dad really was and is just about the best guy on the planet. But I wanted to die back then.
Is this the stupidest question ever: What does LMFAO stand for? I know LOL – but that’s about it.
Laughing My Fucking Ass Off.
Trance – thanks. The light has been turned on.
pretty. i like city silhouettes — Minneapolis is beautiful, too.
Happy Blog-o-versary! Here’s to much happiness and love…you’re very deserving of all your hearts desires. Thanks for giving so much of yourself to make others blush, smile, laugh and even shed a tear.
Cheese and Rice Mary, you RAWK my world.
This one time, when I was just starting to embrace my disillusionment with organized religion (but still reluctant to admit it out loud), I was in a very conservative Christian chatroom online and used the abbreviation “lmao.” IMMEDIATELY a moderator sternly ordered me to watch my language.
“What?” I typed. “I just meant I was laughing my ARMS off, for all you know.”
She banned me from that chat so fast my head spun. THANK GODS the comments section at dooce is free from the overbearing morals police!
I have another embarrassing moment, but this one is my sister’s. This is a classic “Mary moment” as we call them. Mary is probably the most intelligent people I know, but sometimes her common sense is a little below the charts. She was living in Boston going to grad school and was working as a waitress to make ends meet. She was out smoking a cigarette the one day right across from the courthouse as she took a break from work. This guy was standing next her, and she felt really bad for him because he had no arms. The armless man asked her if he could bum a smoke from her. Of course, being the nice person she is, she stuck a cigarette in his mouth and proceeded to light it. Moments later, a cop that was standing within feet of the armless man came storming over to my sister and started screaming at her. He yanked the cigarette out of the armless man’s mouth and threw it to the ground. My sister, totally confused, couldn’t understand why this cop was being so cruel. It was at this point that she finally realized that the armless man was actually a guy in handcuffs waiting to be booked. The cop, apparently had turned his back for just long enough for my brilliant sister to stick a smoke in his mouth. Needless to say, she was quite mortified, and profusely apologized to the cop. She didn’t tell him she thought the guy was armless. She figured it was better for him to think she was aiding a criminal in his smoking habit than for him to realize what a moron she was.
It took me like 5 minutes to figure out what SLC meant. I was thinking Mormon compound-Sacred Light of Christ? Brain function at 15% and rising.
If you guys didn’t catch Girl A.’s embarassing story from yesterday, you must go see. It was the truly spectacular.
Hey Spoonleg, it was a pretty cool show. They played for an hour and came back for a 15 minute revival, and then headed out. The audience sucked though, they just stood there. No music head bobbing, no clapping, nothing! It was like zombies all bought tickets. I’m uploading really crappy pictures of it as we speak.
Thel – that’s hilarious. “Laughing my arms off”… Or, “Laughing my abdomen out”…
I was in the band in high school because I couldn’t afford a DORK! tattoo for my forehead.
In 10th grade, I was heading for the ‘victory dance’ after a ballgame and had a flat tire on my p.o.s. car, in the rain. 40 minutes later, with my mustard-yellow band shirt that had my name embroidered on it, all covered with grease and mud, I finally made it to the dance so I could stand around to shyly and not ask anyone to dance — but still be there to ogle people that weren’t socially retarded.
I went straight to the bathroom to clean up and barreled through the door with my head down. When I got inside, I couldn’t help but notice that it was pink. I whipped back around and dashed back out before the door swung closed and ran straight into the hottest cheerleader/captain of the drill team girl in the school and her entire pack of cool babes. She just smiled and said ‘Hi!’. As I was hot-footing it toward the exit, I could hear them absolutely collapsing in laughter inside the pink bathroom.
I think I took up weed shortly after that so I would be too hip to have to attend any more dances….(sigh)
Thanks Circus Kelli.
okay..one more and then I gotta work.
My stepmom and I were standing at the local fair with my dad talking with people, and mom and I were about to head over to the next booth and she reached behind her with her hand to pat my dad on the ass and said, ‘okay boog, let’s go’, only it wasn’t my dad, but one of my classmates. He was good about it and said, ‘okay, let’s go’ but I was totally mortified. My mom was just LHAO (laughed her ass off).
Your fart episode is something that would so happen to my husband…maybe some day he’ll share his apricot story.
Thought of one more.
At a somewhat nice bar downtown, shooting pool with some friends, when this group of Very Hot Guys joined us. So we’re definitely trying to act nonchalant, cool, whatever.
We had a table next to our pool table with our drinks and whatnot, and I was sitting on a chair there. I went to sit back down on it while also talking to one of the hot guys, and the chair was not there, as it had been moved.
BAM! Right smack on my ass, in the most ungraceful way possible, with my legs flying straight up in the air, drink flying up in the air as well. My loyal friends laughed so hard that one of them had to sit down on the floor with me and had tears streaming down her face. “OH MY GAAAAAHD, YOUR FACE – YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE, HAAAAA!!!!”
Disneyworld. Towerofterror. It was the first week the ride was open, I was in the area and went to mgm just to ride the ride and leave. So I, single rider. Sat in the middle seat of the back row. Put on the seat belt. No lap bar for me. And no rail infront. Just me and seatbelt. The ride went along and then Drop! And then the lift. Well. Not having any hand rail to grab, I grabbed the German man next door. Right in the crotch. And very firmly. It made for a wonderful picture; his wife was thoroughly amused…
Happy Bday, dooce.com!
Here is my most embarrassing design story. (Yes, I have to categorize my most embarrassing stories, there are just so many to choose from)
It was several years ago and I was working on a big freelance design project. It included a logo, website and coordinating print materials for a upstart company called “The Program Consulting.” They were trying to facilitate sports recruiting for college coaches and also scholarship-hunting for high school athletes. The classic moment came after seeing the printed version of one of the brochures I created. See, I had purchased a stock photo for a background pic on the pamphlet. Since it represented all sports and the pamphlet was geared at recruiting recruiters, I selected a picture of the hands of a cheering crowd. Sounds innocent, no?
The damn things had gone to press, and it wasn’t until I got a panicked call from my client that my most embarrassing moment was unleashed. Unbeknownst to me (even after working on this thing for weeks) one of the shape of one of the cheering hands resembled a penis. Yes, a PENIS. Smack in the middle of the back of the brochure was a penis, clear as day. Now that I’ve anazlyed it so much, I have NO CLUE how no clue how NO ONE spotted it during the proofing process. It is rather glaring… oh well.
Since this is a most embarrassing moment requires visual props, you can click my name to see the offending appendage.
Total fluke. I ended up getting my money back from the stock photo company (I’m sure the letter I sent them is framed on the wall somewhere) and the pamphlets were reprinted sans wee wah. We tried to get them to reprint them for free since they messed up the line screen and gave me a really grainy print, but I can’t remember if we got away with that or not.
Damn sneaky pee pees.
FYI, company is now defunct… not that the penis brochure had anything to do with it. I think they were bought out by a larger firm. Soft porn maybe?
Jamie Foxx is a superstar and I am happy!
Yes, Jamie F is a superstar. His speech made me cry.
Brandi R and Katie bbaw’s sister Mary made me LMAO — laugh my Altoid out
Oh, Brandi, I can just see that — achoo–BOOM!
On our way back to the dorm after a fraternity party, several of my tipsy friends and I were about to get in the elevator to go up to the 5th floor. I told everyone to hurry because I had to pee, BADLY. As the elevator doors closed, one of the girls reached in and pushed the buttons for all 5 floors, then ran up the nearby stairs. As the doors opened on the second floor, there she was doing some kind of crazy, but absolutely hilarious breakdance, making the three of us who got in the elevator crack up. I still had to pee and had backed into a corner and crossed my legs to prevent myself from going all over the place. The same thing happens on the next floor â€“there she is dancing like a maniac. I am about to pass out from trying to hold my laughter AND my pee in. It didnâ€™t work. I started to pee. And because I was crossing my legs SO tight, and laughing so hard, it squirted across the elevator causing my two elevator-mates to grab on to the handrails and try to climb the elevator walls. The elevator opens again on the 4th floor and there I am, bent over double, legs crossed, peeing like a boy in the elevator. Two girls are clinging like monkeys to the handrails in the elevator, trying to keep their feet dry, and Jennifer is dancing outside the elevator wondering what the shrieking is all about. They of course NEVER let me forget it.
Sorority Girl. Oh my god am I laughing! Pisssss!
can someone find me Dooces orgigonal OF FRANCE!!!! post please?
Great story bignik! I accidentally did something similar for a kids TV cartoon when a bears hand totally looks like it’s going up a birds bottom just when the birds face changes to look of surprised pleasure. We were working so hard to beat the deadline no one noticed the slip-up, so it went off to the editors unchecked and I believed shown on air. Ah well no harm done… none of my co-animators believe I did it by accident though
Thanks I knew someone could do it!!!
np – It was all about the four exclamation points!!!!
My most embarrassing moment was at my high school graduation. I figured the announcers would mispronounce my last name as it is more unusual, but they misprounounced my first name.
Had I been graduating in a Commonwealth country, it wouldn’t have sounded funny being prounounced…Regina…rhyming with, well, vagina. But being American and Southern, my name has always been pronounced Regina … rhyming with Bosnia-Herzegovina. Okay, I may have a Merriam-Webster’s Rhyming dictionary.
Anyway, there’s nothing like your whole high school thinking vagina when you go to pick up your diploma. And my grandma and grandpa was there for hell’s sake.
To this day I relive that moment and think I should have said “why don’t you just call me pussy!”
My coworkers gave me a certificate for best misspelled name on junk mail “Vegina.” Of course they’re using their best Canadian accent to hassle me. I’ve really got a name that keeps on giving!
Jeez Dooce, you must have got up with the crack of dawn to get such a shot. Beautiful as it may be, I prefer to stay in bed AS LONG AS THE KIDS will let me. Nowadays it’s around 7ish on the weekends. Pre-kids it used to be 10:30-11:00ish, on a good day!
Bignik that has to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. You know whoever created that paper did totally did that on purpose. That thing cannot possibly be a finger. It is definitely a wee wah.
Sorority Girl, HA! That is excellent. God, I love drunken stories.
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