Snowboards in love

You can’t tell by this photo but Jon’s snowbaord, the green one of the left, The Green Destiny, it weighs about 400 pounds.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Lauren, I have no clue but I am going to guess she wears like size 18 months. She is just over a year, but have you seen her thighs? That and you will want them big enough to grow into. maybe even a size 2t.

  • CanadianAmy

    I remember changing into swimsuits with my aunt in the room.

    And she was all natural-70′s-I-don’t-need-to-shave-anything-hear-my-monkey-roar kind of woman.

    And she bent over to towel dry her hair, naked.

    And I saw her monkey from the back and I almost died.

  • Annette

    so tough to be popular, uh reknowned, uh seeking attention…

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    What I don’t understand is why men don’t shave their monkeys. Well, I guess we should call them something else. How about llamas? Shouldn’t guys be shaving excess hair from their llama region? I have only met one guy who did, and he was a swimmer and had to rid his body of all excess hair.

  • david

    One of you two is goofy-footed.

  • texbecks

    I don’t know about Houston but they keep those llamas pretty trimmed in Dallas. It’s a Metrosexual thing. It’s almost creepy.

  • RazDreams

    I thinks “The Green Destiny” has a woody for “The Red Baronness.”

  • Girl.A

    Hear my monkey roar!
    OMFG, I choked on a chocolate covered espresso bean on that one.

    Amanda, putting Nad’s on a monkey – is that like a strap on?

  • Torrie

    You guys are making my day with these comments.

  • CanadianAmy

    Some guys think it makes them look, well, longer. When there isn’t 3/4 inch of hair covering up the hammer.

  • Lauren

    Thanks Mrs.Strizzay that’s kinda what I was thinking, but I wanted to see what the general consensus was….

  • giggles

    That’s what I’d like to know (#445) – why should he ask or require my ‘monkey’ to be naked if his…’llama’ isn’t?

    Good question….

  • Circus Kelli

    It’s just so wrong that now, whenever the word “monkey” is said/mentioned, I think of you all…

    I guess I’ll have to stop calling my daughter a “cheeky little monkey” now. *sigh*

  • Kari

    As a dumb-ass reporter myself, I am appalled. I ask stupid repetitive questions all the time, but I nearly always google people before i call them!

  • Circus Kelli

    Groundhog phone call: Oh wow, Heather, you mean there are still people out there WHO DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE?! Sheesh.

    Apparently, Doocelings, we are not doing our jobs in spreading The Word That Is Dooce.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Yeah, I laughed out loud at the Hear my Monkey Roar comment. The chick next to me stood up and asked me what was so funny.

    I am so going to get dooced by proxy.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Heather Kottke – somehow that doesn’t have the same ring to it. Although I am sure that is the point.

    I don’t think the people from World News Tonight read your website either since they lumped you with the Washingtonienne be-yatch and the K-mart retard. What is wrong with the press!?!

  • southern fried girl

    Worst monkey moment in my young life – at the beach – two words – crochet bikini.

    OK, PEOPLE????? Enough said on that.

    I wish I could find that woman to send her my therapy bills.

  • Megan

    If it’s any consolation, as a journalism major we are forced in classes to always ask anyone we interview for articles/projects to spell out their name, give their birth date and occupational title.

    I might not be out in the real world yet, but maybe editors make you ask asine questions there as well.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    The hammer!!!

  • smacks

    Dooce…we’re (your dedicated fans) all that matters. Screw the media. They suck ass!

  • http://james jp

    Katie, I went to the pool with my mother-in-law LAST SUMMER and she was laying on the chase in all her oily goodness, legs spralled, and my niece walks to the foot of the chase, looks down and goes “eeeewwwww!!!!! GOD GRANDMA, THAT’S JUST GROSS!!!!!!!” As loud as she possibly could for all my neighbors to hear. Meanwhile, My mother-in-law, lets call her monchichi, has her head between her legs trying to see what said niece is screetching about. The train wreck soon departed the pool, never to return, until next summer of course.

  • Circus Kelli

    song said at 08:18AM, 03.02.2005:
    that so depends on what you mean by ‘buzzed’
    - – - – - – - –
    “Well, I’m a thoroughbred.”
    That’s what she said in the back of my truck bed,
    As I was gettin’ buzzed on suds, out on some back country road.
    We where flyin’ high, fine as wine,
    Having ourselves a Big and Rich time
    An’ I was going, just about as far as she’d let me go.
    But her evaluation of my cowboy reputation
    Had me beggin’ for salvation all night long.
    So I took her out, gigging frogs,
    Introduced her to my old bird dog
    An’ sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of.
    An’ we made love.

    That is all.

  • CanadianAmy

    Forget embarrassing moments, let’s all share worst monkey moments.

  • LadyBug

    Circus Kelli, I saw that article, too, and thought immediately of Amanda B.

    So, Dooce…you have a phone shaped like a Groundhog? Is that what you’re saying?

  • CanadianAmy

    MONCHICHI! I love it!

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I would assume, as Striz said, that Ms. Leta is around a size 18 months. That is one tall baby! And you can never go wrong getting bigger sizes.

  • cathi

    These are the days when I’m so glad that I work at home.

  • RazDreams

    *dooce t-shirts* would help, CK. we’d be walking billboards for her. thisfish did it; dooce should too. i already have my ideal motto: “GEORGE! Ruff wiener rectalage poop OF FRANCE!!!!” somehow i’d have anal sacs on there, but not the real thing, of course…

  • Girl.A


  • Ms. Belle

    Tell the AP reporter to SUCK IT!

  • CanadianAmy

    Once I was on a girl’s night out, and my friend was loaded and wearing a one piece short suit type thing.

    And she is sitting on bar stool talking to these guys, and there is a hole in the crotch of her suit (no underwear on).

    And we were sitting across from her and laughing our heads off. Then my friend yells out, “Hey! Fu Man Chu!”

    And then we got kicked out because we could no longer sit up straight from laughing so hard.

  • RazDreams

    #200: if you’re seriously asking, it means that she keeps getting repeat phonecalls with the same exact message, like the movie “Groundhog Day.”

  • http://james jp

    My husband dusts off the weed wacker occationaly and it does make the “llamas hammer” look more respectable. And considering his mother is a monchichi that’s a welcomed relief.

  • smacks

    DOOCE SAYS…SUCK IT! I’d buy the shirt.

  • cathi

    been there, done that girl.a – that’s what a monkey fart is (#430)

  • bushra

    i think it’s time dooce became a diva with a ‘don’t you know who i am?!’ at the AP guy. do your research, innit.

  • http://james jp

    fu-man-chu!! I almost fell over!

  • Circus Kelli

    Sarah M “my ever unwilling boyfriend”:

    Wow. I have a feeling that phrase really didn’t come out the way you meant it. :)

    Unless, maybe your unwilling boyfriend is chained to your bed/couch/whatnot against his will. If that is the case, my apologies. Carry on.

  • http://james jp

    I am going to leave you all with a goodbye song, ahhheeeemmm;
    Monchichi Monchichi O so soft and cuddely, with your thumb in your mouth your really cute…

  • Susie

    CK, I have a cheeky little monkey, too, and refuse to give up the noble fight to have the word “monkey” restored to its rightful meaning. It’s a cute, playful primate.

    dooce, sadly, journalism ain’t what it used to be. You were gracious for even talking to the slacker.

  • CanadianAmy

    furry little friendly mon CHI CHI!

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I think the groundhog comment refers to the fact that Heather is having a flashback. You know, one of her classic obscure Bill Murray references.

  • Girl.A

    Well, CA said we should share our worst monkey moments – and most of mine are queef-related.

    Except for the misplaced altoids, and the forgotten bar of satsuma soap.

  • LadyBug

    Yeah, um, okay. Raz, I just couldn’t bring myself to wear something that had the phrase “Ruff wiener rectalage poop” on it. Sorry, but no deal.

    Although I’d totally wear a shirt with some of the other slogan ideas that have been tossed around. (Of COURSE I can’t think of any of them right now. Sigh. Need more caffeine.)

  • CanadianAmy

    Satsuma soap? Must know what that is about.

  • Circus Kelli

    Super Friends, #167: I would like THAT photoshopped and up on your site by the end of the day, please.
    - – - – -
    Must. Resist. Urge. To. Do. As Directed. There is *real* work to be done. Must. Resist. Urge.

    Hey… which one of the above has that peeing fire superpower I read about yesterday??

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    When I was about ten years old I realized that if I lay on my back and put my butt and legs in the air, supporting myself with my elbows, air would travel through my monkey and when I would put my legs and butt back down, I would let out this huge queef. I thought it was so cool, although I didn’t know it was a queef, or that it was something I shouldn’t do. I called it “Farting from the Front” and I showed my sisters and mother. My mother was a little weirded out, but my sisters were totally enthralled and laughed their asses off non stop.

    I wonder if my boss would mind if I tried to queef right in the middle of the office?

  • Circus Kelli

    Spoonleg: Me, on the other hand, I wipe asses for a living. All day. Every day. Jealous much?
    – - -
    Heh, you bet. I just get to kiss ‘em…

  • http://james jp

    You go right ahead katie while we all chant your name in unison.