You can’t tell by this photo but Jon’s snowbaord, the green one of the left, The Green Destiny, it weighs about 400 pounds.
Posted in Daily Photo
Lauren, I have no clue but I am going to guess she wears like size 18 months. She is just over a year, but have you seen her thighs? That and you will want them big enough to grow into. maybe even a size 2t.
I remember changing into swimsuits with my aunt in the room.
And she was all natural-70′s-I-don’t-need-to-shave-anything-hear-my-monkey-roar kind of woman.
And she bent over to towel dry her hair, naked.
And I saw her monkey from the back and I almost died.
so tough to be popular, uh reknowned, uh seeking attention…
What I don’t understand is why men don’t shave their monkeys. Well, I guess we should call them something else. How about llamas? Shouldn’t guys be shaving excess hair from their llama region? I have only met one guy who did, and he was a swimmer and had to rid his body of all excess hair.
One of you two is goofy-footed.
I don’t know about Houston but they keep those llamas pretty trimmed in Dallas. It’s a Metrosexual thing. It’s almost creepy.
I thinks “The Green Destiny” has a woody for “The Red Baronness.”
Hear my monkey roar!
OMFG, I choked on a chocolate covered espresso bean on that one.
Amanda, putting Nad’s on a monkey – is that like a strap on?
You guys are making my day with these comments.
Some guys think it makes them look, well, longer. When there isn’t 3/4 inch of hair covering up the hammer.
Thanks Mrs.Strizzay that’s kinda what I was thinking, but I wanted to see what the general consensus was….
That’s what I’d like to know (#445) – why should he ask or require my ‘monkey’ to be naked if his…’llama’ isn’t?
It’s just so wrong that now, whenever the word “monkey” is said/mentioned, I think of you all…
I guess I’ll have to stop calling my daughter a “cheeky little monkey” now. *sigh*
As a dumb-ass reporter myself, I am appalled. I ask stupid repetitive questions all the time, but I nearly always google people before i call them!
Groundhog phone call: Oh wow, Heather, you mean there are still people out there WHO DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE?! Sheesh.
Apparently, Doocelings, we are not doing our jobs in spreading The Word That Is Dooce.
Yeah, I laughed out loud at the Hear my Monkey Roar comment. The chick next to me stood up and asked me what was so funny.
I am so going to get dooced by proxy.
Heather Kottke – somehow that doesn’t have the same ring to it. Although I am sure that is the point.
I don’t think the people from World News Tonight read your website either since they lumped you with the Washingtonienne be-yatch and the K-mart retard. What is wrong with the press!?!
Worst monkey moment in my young life – at the beach – two words – crochet bikini.
OK, PEOPLE????? Enough said on that.
I wish I could find that woman to send her my therapy bills.
If it’s any consolation, as a journalism major we are forced in classes to always ask anyone we interview for articles/projects to spell out their name, give their birth date and occupational title.
I might not be out in the real world yet, but maybe editors make you ask asine questions there as well.
Dooce…we’re (your dedicated fans) all that matters. Screw the media. They suck ass!
Katie, I went to the pool with my mother-in-law LAST SUMMER and she was laying on the chase in all her oily goodness, legs spralled, and my niece walks to the foot of the chase, looks down and goes “eeeewwwww!!!!! GOD GRANDMA, THAT’S JUST GROSS!!!!!!!” As loud as she possibly could for all my neighbors to hear. Meanwhile, My mother-in-law, lets call her monchichi, has her head between her legs trying to see what said niece is screetching about. The train wreck soon departed the pool, never to return, until next summer of course.
song said at 08:18AM, 03.02.2005:
that so depends on what you mean by â€˜buzzedâ€™
- – - – - – - –
“Well, I’m a thoroughbred.”
That’s what she said in the back of my truck bed,
As I was gettin’ buzzed on suds, out on some back country road.
We where flyin’ high, fine as wine,
Having ourselves a Big and Rich time
An’ I was going, just about as far as she’d let me go.
But her evaluation of my cowboy reputation
Had me beggin’ for salvation all night long.
So I took her out, gigging frogs,
Introduced her to my old bird dog
An’ sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of.
An’ we made love.
That is all.
Forget embarrassing moments, let’s all share worst monkey moments.
Circus Kelli, I saw that article, too, and thought immediately of Amanda B.
So, Dooce…you have a phone shaped like a Groundhog? Is that what you’re saying?
MONCHICHI! I love it!
I would assume, as Striz said, that Ms. Leta is around a size 18 months. That is one tall baby! And you can never go wrong getting bigger sizes.
These are the days when I’m so glad that I work at home.
*dooce t-shirts* would help, CK. we’d be walking billboards for her. thisfish did it; dooce should too. i already have my ideal motto: “GEORGE! Ruff wiener rectalage poop OF FRANCE!!!!” somehow i’d have anal sacs on there, but not the real thing, of course…
Tell the AP reporter to SUCK IT!
Once I was on a girl’s night out, and my friend was loaded and wearing a one piece short suit type thing.
And she is sitting on bar stool talking to these guys, and there is a hole in the crotch of her suit (no underwear on).
And we were sitting across from her and laughing our heads off. Then my friend yells out, “Hey! Fu Man Chu!”
And then we got kicked out because we could no longer sit up straight from laughing so hard.
#200: if you’re seriously asking, it means that she keeps getting repeat phonecalls with the same exact message, like the movie “Groundhog Day.”
My husband dusts off the weed wacker occationaly and it does make the “llamas hammer” look more respectable. And considering his mother is a monchichi that’s a welcomed relief.
DOOCE SAYS…SUCK IT! I’d buy the shirt.
been there, done that girl.a – that’s what a monkey fart is (#430)
i think it’s time dooce became a diva with a ‘don’t you know who i am?!’ at the AP guy. do your research, innit.
fu-man-chu!! I almost fell over!
Sarah M “my ever unwilling boyfriend”:
Wow. I have a feeling that phrase really didn’t come out the way you meant it.
Unless, maybe your unwilling boyfriend is chained to your bed/couch/whatnot against his will. If that is the case, my apologies. Carry on.
I am going to leave you all with a goodbye song, ahhheeeemmm;
Monchichi Monchichi O so soft and cuddely, with your thumb in your mouth your really cute…
CK, I have a cheeky little monkey, too, and refuse to give up the noble fight to have the word “monkey” restored to its rightful meaning. It’s a cute, playful primate.
dooce, sadly, journalism ain’t what it used to be. You were gracious for even talking to the slacker.
furry little friendly mon CHI CHI!
I think the groundhog comment refers to the fact that Heather is having a flashback. You know, one of her classic obscure Bill Murray references.
Well, CA said we should share our worst monkey moments – and most of mine are queef-related.
Except for the misplaced altoids, and the forgotten bar of satsuma soap.
Yeah, um, okay. Raz, I just couldn’t bring myself to wear something that had the phrase “Ruff wiener rectalage poop” on it. Sorry, but no deal.
Although I’d totally wear a shirt with some of the other slogan ideas that have been tossed around. (Of COURSE I can’t think of any of them right now. Sigh. Need more caffeine.)
Satsuma soap? Must know what that is about.
Super Friends, #167: I would like THAT photoshopped and up on your site by the end of the day, please.
- – - – -
Must. Resist. Urge. To. Do. As Directed. There is *real* work to be done. Must. Resist. Urge.
Hey… which one of the above has that peeing fire superpower I read about yesterday??
When I was about ten years old I realized that if I lay on my back and put my butt and legs in the air, supporting myself with my elbows, air would travel through my monkey and when I would put my legs and butt back down, I would let out this huge queef. I thought it was so cool, although I didn’t know it was a queef, or that it was something I shouldn’t do. I called it “Farting from the Front” and I showed my sisters and mother. My mother was a little weirded out, but my sisters were totally enthralled and laughed their asses off non stop.
I wonder if my boss would mind if I tried to queef right in the middle of the office?
Spoonleg: Me, on the other hand, I wipe asses for a living. All day. Every day. Jealous much?
– - -
Heh, you bet. I just get to kiss ‘em…
You go right ahead katie while we all chant your name in unison.
Copyright © 2013 Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved.
Advertise on dooce®