Have mercy on me, baby

Strizz, I don’t know. Have you ever gotten silly string in your eye?

Actually, the mom is an opthamologist… so if anyone could deal with that issue, it’s her, right?!

Yay! And thanks Susie – I’ll see what I can find.

Dooce.com Extreme Sports Extravaganza!!

Come one, come all! First on the schedule is The Unparalleled Shaved Monkey Design Contest! Followed by a FEAT of STAMINA where FIVE LADIES see how long they can HOVER over their KEYBOARDS with their VAGINAS!
Lastly, we all go to Dooce’s house where there are lovely HARD WOOD FLOORS for some BEN WA BOWLING!

Tickets are free with a bottle of RUM!

cathi it’s okay. If I weren’t on my way to bed I’d sit by ya

I think that my son might have a bit of a crush on Leta- she is soo cute!

For Mandabird,

Me And My Monkey – Robbie Williams

It was me and my monkey
Him with his dungarees and rollerblades
Smoking filter tips reclining in the passenger seat
of my supercharged jet black Chevrolet
He had the soft top down
He liked the wind in his face
He said ‘Son, you ever been to Vegas?’
I said ‘No’ he said ‘That’s where we’re gonna go,
you need a change of place’
And when we hit the strip with all the wedding chapels
and the neon signs he said
‘I left my wallet in El Segundo’
and proceeded to take two grand of mine
We made tracks to the Mandalay Bay hotel
Asked the bell boy if he’d take me and my monkey as well
He looked in the passenger seat of my car
and with a smile he said
‘If your monkey’s got that kind of money sir,
and we’ve got a monkey bed’Me and monkey
With a dream and a gun
Hoping my monkey
Don’t point that gun at anyone
Me and monkey
Like Butch and the Sundance Kid
Trying to understand
Why he did what he did
Why he did what he didAnd at the elevator I hit the 33rd floor
He had a room up top with a panoramic view
it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before
He went to sleep in the bidet and when he awoke
He ran his little monkey fingers through the yellow pages
Called up escort services and ordered some oki doke
Forty minutes later there came a knock at the door
In walked this big, bad-ass baboon into my bedroom
with 3 monkey whores
‘Hi, my name is Sunshine. These are my girls.
Lace my palm with silver baby oh yeah
and they’ll rock your world’
So I watched pay per view and polished my shoes and my gun
Was sticking on Kurt Cobain sing about lithium
There came and knocked at the door and in walked Sunshine
‘What’s up?’ – ‘You better get your ass in here boy y
our monkey is having too much of a good time’Me and my monkey
Drove in search of the sun
Me and my monkey
Don’t point that gun at anyone
Me and my monkey
Like Billy the Kid
Trying to understand
Why he did what he did
Why he did what he didGot tickets to see Sheena Easton
The monkey was high
Said it was a burning ambition to see her before he died
We left before encores
He couldn’t sit still
Sheena was a blast baby
But my monkey was ill
When I played black jack
Kept hittin’ 23
Couldn’t help but notice this Mexican just staring at me
Or was it my monkey
I couldn’t be sure
It’s not like you’ve never seen a monkey in rollerblades
and dungarees before
Now don’t test my patience cause we’re not about to run
That’s a bad-ass monkey boy and he’s packing a gun
‘My name is Rodriguez’ he says with death in his eye
‘I’ve been chasing you for a long time amigos
And now your monkey is gonna die’Me and my monkey
Drove in search of the sun
Me and my monkey
We don’t wanna kill no Mexican
But we got ten itchy fingers
One thing to declare
When the monkey is high
You do not stare
You do not stare
You do not stareLooks like we got ourselves a Mexican stand off here boy
And I ain’t about to run
Put your gun down boy
How did I get mixed up with this fucking monkey anyhow

um but not in the shower, m’kay?

cathi, I’ve been thinking, but don’t have much little boy experience. They seem to like to roll things and shoot things, so maybe a drug theme would be appropriate.

No, really, my little nephews are into race cars, waterguns and dinosaurs, I believe.

Oh, sorry I forgot

*splatsplatsplatsplatsplat*

(sound of ethereal poop raining down from the heavens)

Two different things. First of all, that is the most beautiful child I have ever laid eyes on.

Second. This Matt character is an ass. I say we gang up on him and flood him with hate mail!!

Minky! Stop torturing Bucky! And for GOD’s sake, didn’t I tell you not to do *that* in public!

I don’t want to have to spank your thighs with wet poultry again…

Tammy,
Well *ok* …
But I normally get a bottle of rum and 20 bucks from the cheek eater.

Leta is absolutely gorgeous.

Those eyes! Do her cheeks have fingerprints on them from constantly being squeezed??

(CanAMy rolls a nice clean Ben Wa in B4E’s direction)

There you go, darlin’, this one’s four you.

To all of those who deride Heather for publishing Matt “Dickless” Jackson’s e-mail address:
I think you are missing one crucial point with your arguments. While normally I would agree that today’s post would be out of line (even if the guy is a complete waste of flesh), the logic of his letter begs for a response like Heather’s. The Dickless One came to the site as a result of Heather being fired for being “obviously immature and foolish to acknowledge that [she] wrote about the company’s dirty laundry or goings on and expected nothing to happen.”
Then he proceeds to go though his diatribe of sludge and sexism.
But one begins to wonder, isn’t he doing the very same thing that he accuses Heather of doing? He wrote to a “public persona” with no thought of how it wold affect his business or his life – - and with comments that weren’t simply off-color but offensive, and may actually become a liability to his company himself. He’s begging to be Dooced tenfold. He’s a hypocrite and an idiot. I for one applaud Heather for showing him the other side of the coin. He deserves whatever he gets.
Too bad he lacks the gonads to “pump out a puppy” when he’s done with this wild ride.

Bucky I’s just a lurve it when y’all talk so purty to me!

*Monkey turns bright red*

Won’t you come on over and pet me now like we both know you want to?

B4Eyes, why you blowing us off for a meeting, huh?

Don’t they know you have more important things to do?

Just a thought….I wonder if Matt’s nasty email was an experiment…to see how many people really read dooce.com and how passionate they are about it? I would prefer to believe that rather than the possibilty that someone is so callous.

hehehehe

don’t forget the chapstick. Crackers _always_ have dry lips.

No seriously tho, all boys like Spiderman anything. Those webslinger shooter outter things are pretty cool.

Yay. That baby is back!

dammit I forgot my number

as you were

What a sight for sore eyes she is. That actually made me smile this morning.

#384: NOOOO, not Mouse! We love Mouse T H I S M U C H.

one more thing real quick so i don’t forget

To Amanda from Canada – thanks for your compliment. Yes, the photo store manager sucked. I’m getting the camera from someone else – still the panasonic and not the ::hearing angelic music:: the nikon.

Monkey, can we compromise with a bottle of Moet Chandon and some Aqua Velva?