The Mormon Church needs more missionaries who can adequately speak with their hands

Thank you for your interest in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Mr./Mrs. Brown.

  • http://battybeyond.blogspot.com Tammy

    at least they’re well-dressed Mormon missionaries. I guess.

  • http://www.iprettymuchhateeverything.blogspot.com Torrie

    Eleanor, I think I like you.

  • http://www.twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com southern fried girl

    Oh I am here. These fuckin bastards are workin’ me today. Do they not check the calendar and realize that today is PMS Day #2??? I do not work on PMS Day #2. Not my fault that it failed to come on a weekend this month.

    43 more minutes. :)

  • Henryk_

    Welcome back H & L

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I don’t think people without blogs are really lame or boring. I didn’t have a blog until a couple months ago. But now, looking back on it, I don’t know how I survived without my blog. It is such an addiction. And a really good outlet.

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I know. I have been busy today, too, for once. Which is good, because nothing is worse than a boring Monday.

    I never understood why women aren’t given time off for their “little friend”. Or for PMS, for that matter. I suppose that would take up most of the month, though. Sounds good to me.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/angellivia Liv

    Loving the new masthead!

  • Muffy

    Hint for lighting one’s farts: Don’t attempt if wearing pantyhose, or if you’re midwestern, “nylons”. I learned this the hard way….

  • http://www.twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com southern fried girl

    Spurious,

    I just read your most recent post and damn, girl, you are funny. Funny and anal – two things that go hand in hand and things I also completely relate to.

    39 more minutes.

  • kris

    Good morning all. It’s funny to me how many Mormon photos, sayings, and references are found on this ex-Mormon’s site. Mormonism (is that the right term?) must be akin to Catholicism in that you can leave the church, but it’s always still with you in some form, yes?

  • http://blog.mrtland.com mrtl

    Thanks for the PSA Muffy. eep

  • http://www.twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com southern fried girl

    I am down with PMS leave. I am also down with an allotment of days when it is just too nice outside to come to work. When I am queen of the world, these things shall happen.

  • Henryk_

    I agree, once you leave, you either continue to hare it….or you continue to hate it!

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Ouch, Muffy. OUCH.

  • http://randomandodd.blogspot.com kristine

    I’m really starting to worry about the SPT ‘o’ thing.

    I’m thinking I might have to fake a picture.

    Shaun might be able to doctor up a picture for me ;)

  • http://www.goddamnyoujenn.blogspot.com Katie

    What a sexy Mormon!

  • http://www.iprettymuchhateeverything.blogspot.com Torrie

    Muffy, melted plastic on skin never good.
    I also learned this the hard way. I tried to use a curling iron on my Barbie.
    I still have the scar.

  • ashik

    SP: will a bj plug keep you holy and pure? I sho is innersted.

  • Henryk_

    Get it? Mammary. MAMMARY!”AHHHHHH, memories!

  • http://www.twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com southern fried girl

    Wow, Sherry up the ass? I have now heard EVERYTHING.

  • http://suburbanmisfit.blogspot.com/ suburban*misfit

    SP: I just tried to comment on your most recent post, but Blogger is being an asshole, so I can’t. I have a suggestion for you regarding cleaning your 80 year old bathroom.

    And you probably remember the pawpaw from The Jungle Book.

  • lex

    dont get it either

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I once stuck my Boggle game inside my E-Z Bake oven. I must have been like three or four, and I realized that Boggle is the perfect size to fit inside the oven. Tiny flames started erupting and melted plastic started oozing everywhere. My sister used my Scooby Doo sleeping bag to snuff it out. Who ever thought it was a good idea to give a three year old a miniature workable oven?

  • http://spuriousplum.blogspot.com/ Spurious Plum

    Southern Fried Girlee – I think I was high on cleaning products fumes when I wrote that post, so thanks!

    Ashik – The jp will keep your butt hairs pure and clean, cause nothing will be coming out. I guess that’s something…

    I’m off to drive home…

  • Henryk_

    He was holding an apple, gogads or something like that but doesn’t realise it’s gone??!!

  • eleanor

    Yes, well, again, only the brothers were privy to the fart-lighting magic. Me and the sisters listened to the screams of surprise and happiness coming from behind the closed door and my mother rolled her eyes and lit another cigarette, with rosary in hand, in her “Reagan is evil” t-shirt, after finishing up her New York times op-ed page for the evening.

    We are all of us a little bit contradictory.

  • http://spuriousplum.blogspot.com/ Spurious Plum

    Suburban – email me at:
    spuriousplum at gmail dot com

    I need all the help I can get…

  • http://eyesaverted.blogspot.com/ Wicked H

    Liking the new masthead.

  • http://www.monocerdo.com MonoCerdo

    Am I the only one missing the Monthly Newsletter here? Month Fourteen! It must be summarized with humorous/heartwarming commentary and cute pictures!

  • http://whfropera.blogspot.com coskel

    I just have to say for the record that it cracks my ass up that my boss (a man) knows when I am going to PMS about 2 days before I do…

  • Harry

    A busier and more rustic design?

  • Muffy

    My fart-ignition capabilities are LEGENDARY in these parts…How else do you think I got the n-name Muffy? (Kind of a tribute to the whole “you can put a bow on a pig, but what’s point?” mentality)
    That mentality also applies to ANYTHING related to Paris Hilton.

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Wow. That is one awesome boss. My own boyfriend seems shocked when I start PMS’ing. What does your boss do? Satiate you with chocolate and Midol?

    Only 25 minutes to go, SFG!

  • http://www.eicherdesign.com/blog K E N N Y

    Too early in the A.M…. Nice new masthead.

  • eleanor

    Muffy, I still think you were a really f’ed up child to take a crap on the floor at church, but I will confess that my cousin and I used to make my closet into our little playhouse, and that I had this little pink, plastic tub that was supposed to be for giving the dolls pretend baths, but I used instead as the “potty” and in which I actually urinated- and then it got emtied onto the hardwood floor (most likely by a brother) the next day because I forgot to empty it (because I was five) and of which puddle I licked to find out what it was (because I was five and still using the old oral sensibility to discover the nature of the things around me).

    Good times.

  • http://whfropera.blogspot.com coskel

    laugh, duck and hide, in that order.

  • Harry

    Ah!…almost time for wakey, wakey!

  • http://blog.mrtland.com mrtl

    Mono – 20 refreshes later and it’s still not coming up for me. What gives?

  • http://whfropera.blogspot.com coskel

    and yes, he is awesome and i do work for the greatest company: http://www.soundque.com

  • http://ryanharne.com RyanH

    I’m loving the new masthead, particularly the surrounding pattern. Nice picture by the way, but I am also missing the commentary. ::sigh::

  • http://blog.mrtland.com mrtl

    duh – blame it on the time change and that lost hour that has cost me my intelligence

  • http://www.twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com southern fried girl

    Being that my attitude during PMS time is like 5 feet in front of me, all my bosses tend to give me a wide berth. I could end their lives with just a look and well placed raised eyebrow. It ain’t pretty, people.

    Thank God this day is about done. I really had a sucky one.

  • Harry

    O M G!! They killed Kenny!

  • Muffy

    Eleanor: Like i said, I was 3 or 4. So I wasn’t even CLOSE to the apex of my fucked-up-ness that I am now. And they were neat little rabbit-turd poonkies, not sloppy, strained-plum slurry poopies. I was quite the discerning little poopster, let me tell ya. I even lined them up.

  • http://www.snickrsnack.blogspot.com Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Is Blogger totally down? Before it was just comments. Now it is totally screwed up.

  • Harry

    Today, we write our own captions!

  • http://www.anti-static.ws Amy

    I didn’t know Mormon Missionaries were allowed to wear jeans. Or colored shirts. Must be different in Texas, they’re all in suits and ties around here. I always feel really bad for them in the triple-digit summer heat.

  • http://www.laurenbove.blogspot.com laurenbove

    Hi: plum… and all.

    Speaking of PMS, I’ve got cramps from trying to post my daily to blogger. UGH. Is it me? Or does it suck ass lately? Thanks Dooce for knowing better and posting somewhere else.

  • Henryk_

    1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor!

  • eleanor

    Oh God, I’m retching.