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NASCAR Mom

Against my better judgment Jon convinced me to hop on this four wheeler during our weekend at Bear Lake. I was wary for a couple reasons: 1) possible death by mini-monster truck, and 2) I am Southern and redneck, I can’t just go around perpetuating stereotypes. Yet, the moment I straddled my legs over the [...]

Near Randolph, UT at sunset

This weekend I used the term Cheeto Hands

Over the weekend Jon and I drove the kid up to Bear Lake to spend some time with the pioneer side of the family, the ones who think that Bart Simpson has single-handedly destroyed The American Family Unit. Jon’s sister owns a small home on a hill by the lake, and I was looking forward [...]

Not for kids, no really

“Carpet muncher. Fur bumper. You know.” “Fur bumper? I haven’t heard that one.” “You haven’t heard FUR BUMPER? Even better, what about fur burger?” “FUR BURGER? Oh my god, you are not serious.” “Fur burger. It’s a burger, with fur!” “That sounds like someone’s last name, Furburger.” “You mean like Billy Furburger?” “More like Martin. [...]

Stay At Home Father, or more popularly known as Shit Ass Ho Fucking Bad Ass

You think he would know better

I ordered this shirt for myself but it flatters Chuck’s tits more than it does mine.

The Sponge Stage, or Why I Now Have to Start Behaving Like a Parent

On Tuesday morning the occupational therapist assigned to Leta showed up with the results of Leta’s sensory profile. We had thought that maybe Leta was having problems processing sensory data and that it was affecting her ability to walk and exposing the fact that both her father and her mother passed on a defective gene, [...]

In a few years she is going to be so embarrassed that I would wear this coat

How to Annoy Me

Keep referring to my dog as Truck because you can’t remember his name.

Our front yard