Chocolate milk
Or, as certain people in this family refer to it, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My mother called this morning to check up on the Fart Family — that is one of the things I hold dear in this life, that I have heard the Avon World Sales Leader say fart out loud — and she asked [...]
Feeling Guilty
For showing Leta how to dip a French fry into a Frosty. Because her body needs the nutrients.
Body of a frog, memory of an elephant
One of our new activities as a sell-out family is walking to the park every morning while the weather is still good enough to allow it. It’s an hour-long adventure that starts with Chuck running laps through the house at 40 mph after someone inevitably drops the word WALK in conversation. He could be under [...]
You’re going to want to skip over this one, Dad
Tragically, Internet, I have lost my ability to not poop. I should be able to point to at least two days last week when I talked about not going poop on this website, but I can’t. I can’t even point to two days from last month. I haven’t talked about not going poop in almost [...]
Number of the day
“This one says that Britney left because Kevin made an insensitive remark.” “No, it says, ‘An insensitive Kevin goes partying.’ If you did that I wouldn’t just leave. I’d kill you first.” “This one says that Brad only wants to be with Angelina because of her kids.” “Are you serious?” “Says it right here.” “I [...]
Why we stopped sharing a bowl of ice cream
“Do you want any more?” “YES I WANT MORE. God, I forgot that you do that.” “Do what?” “Ask me if I want any more when what you really mean is, ‘I want the rest.’” “No, I really mean, ‘DO YOU WANT ANY MORE?’” “That’s just an easy way out and you know it. You [...]
