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If he got me socks you’ll hear all about it

At the beginning of the holiday Baby Jesus season when Jon and I first began talking about what gifts we were going to buy for everyone I gave him a clear cut list of things I did not want him to get me. This list is pretty much consistent from year to year and includes [...]

Daydreaming of differential equations

Lesbians pick their noses, too

Yesterday Shelli from New York (she who sent Leta her first cell phone) wrote to suggest a correction to my Festive Fecal Holiday post: “There’s no MAN in my bed… you said ‘he picks his nose.’ Unless, of course, you count the cats — but they’re now eunuchs, and don’t have opposable thumbs.” I can’t [...]

She was perfectly fine until we abandoned her in the lap of a strange man who smelled like the inside of a chimney

For those of you who come here for one thing, this is my Christmas present to you

Leta’s new favorite book is called Once Upon a Potty (thanks, Abby and Jenny) about a little girl named Prudence who has “a bottom for sitting and in it a little hole for making Poo-Poo.” Let’s be honest: this is my favorite book, too. The book is supposed to help kids understand the concept of [...]

We’re going to take this act on the road

Clarification in response to recent allegations that my heart is black and emits dangerous toxins

It seems as if a few people who know my friend Annie read my site last week (this post where I accuse Annie of driving while in a coma) and have concluded that I don’t like Annie. I should probably add a disclaimer to all of my posts that says: WARNING! DOOCE.COM REGULARLY SHOWS ITS [...]

If this doesn’t hit you RIGHT THERE then maybe it’s time you started letting yourself feel again

As I cleaned up after lunch today Jon entertained Leta by throwing her up in the air and making rocketship sound effects with his mouth. She loves this, but she had just drunk an eight-ounce carton of chocolate milk. I know that my couch is less of a couch now and more of a giant [...]

Even more fun with Pick Up Sticks

Return of The Smooshness!

Another way we distract her while shopping is by encouraging her to see how effectively she can disfigure her face.