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Diagnosis

“You did not stop twitching in your sleep last night.” “I know, and I’m sorry. I think I’m suffering Reckless Legs Syndrome.” “You mean Restless Legs Syndrome?” “That’s what I said.”

Tree confetti

The B. stands for BAD INFLUENCE

This morning we decorated our eight-foot Christmas tree, and I remembered that my cousin GEORGE! was here last year at about this time and had helped Jon lug the tree up the front porch into the house. It made me sad that he wasn’t here this year — I miss the way he spooned the [...]

I have a feeling we aren’t in Los Angeles anymore

Monkey see, monkey do

Yesterday Leta didn’t take a nap. She acted like she was going to when I put her in the crib by collapsing into the corner and plugging her thumb into her mouth. Three minutes later, though, she threw Elmo over the side in protest and began yelling. Official Armstrong Nap Policy dictates that persons must [...]

Ferocious Bearded Armstrong

Newsletter: Month Twenty-two

Dear Leta, Over the weekend you turned twenty-two months old. If I could give you any useful advice this month it would be to choose a partner in life who isn’t afraid to say FART out loud. Life is too short to be uptight about something so small, and I doubt anyone who would overreact [...]

Twenty-two months

Move over, David Blaine

“These are my new jeans. You know why I bought them? Because they make me look as if I have a butt.” “Those are nice. What brand are they?” “They’re called Illuuuuusions.”

Why this is not a craft blog

Leah Peah, fellow artist with a history in Utah to overcome/exploit for money, is coming to town in a few weeks and she called to ask what days would be good to get together. She writes about the conversation over here, but she left out some of the finer details like the part where she [...]