• Susie

    Heh. I’m sorry to say it doesn’t really get much better as they get older. One day when I was little, my older brother told my father “Go fuck yourself.” My dad, naturally, lost it and told my brother that he must treat his father with respect, to which my brother replied “You’re absolutely right. Please go fuck yourself.”

  • immi’s mum

    In Australia there was much debate about SuperNanny’s timeout technique. Main suggestions were:
    1) don’t make the timeout space the bed or anywhere fun
    2) don’t force them to say sorry as if they aren’t sorry, you are basically teaching them to lie to get what they want. not good.

    Choose your battles!

  • http://www.jbjones.blogspot.com Mrs Ca

    Once when I was four my mother told me that if I tried to pick up the baby (my brother was about a week old) one more time that I would spend either a) the rest of the morning in my room if it was before noon, or b) the rest of the afternoon in my room until my dad got home from work if it was after noon. I tried to pick him up at 12:05 and my dad was late coming home from work that day. I spent the entire afternoon at the edge of the entrance to my room asking if it was time to come out yet. But, I never tried to pick up the baby again without asking my mom if it was okay.

  • http://www.acracknlife.squarespace.com Jerri Ann

    My first son was out of his crib at 15 months, but he weighed almost 35 lbs, so what’s a girl to do? Child #2 is only 22 pounds at 16 months and I suspect he might sleep in his crib until he starts to school. We have bought a bunk bed for the boys too so he needcs to sleep in his crib until we get #1 up in the top bunk…else we have to do moving of furniture and move the bunk to the floor.

    As for time-out, we use it and successfully. However, you know what worked better starting about a month ago…we put toys in time-out. He has this addiction for thomas the train and when he misbehaves in minor offense, we put a train on top of the fridge in time-out and he gets them back by doing good things and behaving well. We instituted a star program and he has to get 3 stars to get one toy back. This works better than putting him in time-out sometimes. Just some thoughts..as if “the Dooce” needs my thoughts, bahahaha

  • http://www.andiamnotlyingforreal.blogspot.com Jeff Simmermon

    “Sometimes, cannibalism makes sense” … that’s hilarious. I wonder if crocodiles eat their slowest offspring, or the most poorly behaved?

    How do y’all feel about spanking? It worked on me when applied sparingly. But what works for one SUCKS for another…just curious.

  • http://vaguelyurban.typepad.com Vaguely Urban

    I think the success of Super Nanny’s techniques is directly proportional to the common sense of the parents. Like in the episode last night, with the kid who was flinging (flang?) all her books off the shelf while she was in the Naughty Corner? I couldn’t believe the mom didn’t shut that shit down! What a mess. She needed Jo to tell her to relocate the Naughty Corner. GAH!

  • http://www.idolreview.net laura

    regarding Nomad in Comment 55: I have two cats, too, and i DO put them in timeout. The youngest one is 6 months old and is completely bouncing off the walls. 5 minutes locked in the bathroom and he calms down!

  • http://biggaysam.com Sam Merrill

    Hey that’s a pretty good idea 45 minutes but with one little add-on, a nyquil chaser. She’ll be out for hours! :P

    (totally kidding of course)

    I feel for you both. It is times liek this when I pat myself on the back and say, “Thank you God for making me gay!” :D

    I’m so glad the comments are (sort of) back.

  • Daisy

    We’ve been using the Naughty Chair/Spot technique since my daughter was about 18 months old. She seems to get it. I can’t believe she will actually sit in the chair for 3 minutes and say she is sorry. I wouldn’t…haha!

    I think your technique is great but as a PP mentioned I wouldn’t use her crib though. That’s her safe sleeping place. But that’s up to you.

    Her still sleeping in her crib doesn’t bother me either. My daughter would still be in hers if she didn’t vault herself out of it at 18 months! Couldn’t keep her in it to save our lives. She’s now moved on to a twin sleigh bed…thanks to grandma! haha!

    Keep up the good work!

  • monkey

    My 17th month old, Connor, is approaching dangerous tantrum age. He’s gotten the hang of throwing things at me. Now my oldest,William who’s now 7, didn’t have too bad of a tantrum stage. And he was able to be out of the crib before he was 1. (Part of his tantrums involved doing flips out of the crib in protest.) I wouldn’t dare give Connor the freedom of a toddler bed yet. The damn apt would be destroyed! William was so easy as a baby that I wasn’t prepared for a kid I couldn’t turn my back on or needed to perfect the art of ducking. I said to my husband the other day “So I guess this is what people meant by the whole toddler thing…”
    But don’t worry…my mom always says we get what we dished out in return when we have kids. I’m sure Leta will experience all the good times she puts you through when she has her own munchkins! ;)

  • Laurie

    Mind you, all of this is from the position of a very proud aunt, so maybe the parents have something to add…..

    To the commenter who asked about a pop on the behind, I will say that I’ve done that with my nieces and nephews. My brother and sister have six kids between them and my in-laws have about 20 between the 15 sibilings (seriously my husband’s mother is a saint). But I have never smacked them for small and minor situations for when they don’t put their toys away or not making their bed.

    Now when my niece Vivian and I were at Barnes and Noble and she threw every book on 4 bottom shelves onto the floor, I did pick her up off the floor and smack her on the behind. I’ve also noticed that once they get over a certain age a pop on the behind doesn’t work anymore and you have to come up with a totally new method. If you’ve been doing the time-out technique all along, you don’t have to change your discipline method halfway through the game. In terms of discipline, consistency is the most important aspect that I’ve noticed. Which Heather and Jon seem to be doing, which is going to be more effective in the long run.

    But like I said, this is just the ramblings of a aunt that watches her family alot. Any parents have any input?

  • http://justlinda.net JustLinda

    Hang in there… it won’t be long before she can understand the value of bribery and blackmail. When that happens, you’ll get some REAL traction. I’m not sure if Nanny 911 covers that, but if you need any pointers, you feel free to come to me, ok?

    hahahah

    Seriously, they do mature out of this irrational business. In fact, I’m told that any time now my oldest will be moving out of that phase. She’s 22 so it’s about damn time. That’s all I’m sayin’.

  • Mack’sMom

    I too am in love with the Super Nanny, and take her advice.
    My husband’s partner at work was actually on Super Nanny! Their episode was shown in September: He’s a fomer Navy Seal, now firefighter/Paramedic. She’s obsessed with cleaning and dressing her three girls alike. They have 3 girls and an infant boy.

    Their girls were monsters…and they are completely thankful for their experience because they are really a much happier family.

    The children mind their parents and the mother has backed off on being a perfectionist!

    The show makes it look like they are only with the nanny for a week, when they are actually with her for 2 weeks. The film crew is there a week ahead of time to get all of the extra footage, but then the Nanny comes.

  • http://serenitysprings.blogspot.com/ Holly L

    I am a firm believer in the idea that the reason God made babies so damn cute is so we don’t murder them!

    I have a 10-year-old and I know how it feels to go through the toddler years wondering if you’re going to wreck your child by putting him in a toddler bed too soon, or not potty training early enough, or if letting him M&M’s for breakfast is going to cause him to grow up to kill cats or something. But what I’ve learned is that no matter what you do or don’t do, your kid will be screwed up for one reason or another so just enjoy the babies while they’re young.

  • Mack’sMom

    My daughter will be 2 in May. She has attempted to climb out of her crib, but I still refuse to put her in a bed quite yet! Confinment is my only source leverage with her anymore! She can attempt to climb out, but I’m always peeping through the crack in the door to be sure she’s not successful.

    I don’t like to use her crib as her time out spot, mainly because of the climbing but also because I don’t want her bed to be a bad place.

    I’m tired…very very tired! Soon she’ll be in a bed and I’ll be a walking zoombie!

  • Missy

    The cutest ones are always the worst. I worked at a daycare and this angelic-looking blonde toddler used to pinch the boys and then burst into tears, making the boys get a time out and getting extra sympathy, to boot. I caught on fairly quickly but it was hard — even the other mothers were horrified to see her curly blonde head in the time-out chair, and would gasp and ask why on earth she was in time-out! I wanted to reply, “For being pure evil,” but of course I couldn’t.

    Nevertheless, I think time-outs are the best punishments; unfortunately there is a new ideology bubbling to the surface that demonizes time-outs because they are “humiliating” to the child. I hope this ideology gets stopped in its tracks, but who knows…

    I use time-outs with my son, who was also a hitter, but at 4 he is much, much calmer than at 2. So this, too, shall pass. Good luck. :)

  • joaaanna

    I still give my mom heck because I REMEMBER sleeping in a crib. I slept in one until I was four-plus. Her excuse is ‘it was a FIVE YEAR crib’. Really – we had a two bedroom house, I shared my room with my brother and we couldn’t afford anything else.

    But! When the day came for me to sleep in a real bed – I constantly fell out. I was so used to having bars to keep me in. After a scary night when I knocked the wind out of myself and freaked my folks out – they borrowed some of those hospital rails. Kept me in just fine – with some questionable marks on my head each morning. !

    Even with my memories – I’m all for the crib.

  • http://www.chaithere.blogspot.com AndreaBT

    I screamed laughter at the last line, mainly at his justification :)

    Forty-five minutes…that’s only forty extra minutes for my five-year-old…

  • carolyn

    my five — FIVE!! — month old just started screaming at ear shattering levels to get our attention. not crying, just screaming. replace pacifier/pick up/remove toy/insert bottle, and you’re rewarded with the most heart melting grin ever.

    please tell me this is just a phase…

  • CartwheelsAtMidnight

    I haven’t even read past the first paragraph yet, but I had to tell you. My daugher, Mackenzie, was in her crib until she was potty trained and wearing panties at night. (A little over 3.) We finally had to get her a real bed so she could get up and potty by herself during the night. She is 11 and perfectly adjusted. Her only issues come from having us as parents and nothing to do with her early sleeping arrangements.

  • http://www.deliciously.org rebecca

    I love Supernanny. She rules.

    This past weekend my mom told me that she thinks it’s harder to raise smart children. I’ve decided that when we have kids, every time my kid is difficult, I’m going to blame it on their level of intelligence and hope that it’s true.

  • http://prettycrabby.com prettycrabby

    I thought that the Super Nanny also recommended a naughty stool or something just because putting them in their bed for being “bad” kind of teaches them that when they go to bed, they are being punished. ??

    That isn’t meant as a critism since I have no kids and I could obviously have it wrong! I don’t envy the day when I am in your shoes.

    XOXOXO.

  • http://nunoid.livejournal.com Rachel

    “How come those British nannies are so smart? Does having a British accent automatically make a person wise in all things? What’s up with that?”

    Yes, it does. Deal with it! (kidding obviously)

    I’m somewhat surprised that you guys think her accent is sexy, but glad. Because she has a bit of an Essex accent, and frankly if that’s sexy, then I am going to be very popular when I live in Virginia from August! I have that quintessential poshish British accent…

  • http://fixedupgirl.typepad.com fixedupgirl

    I love your Leta stories. I don’t have any children (only 23), but I have 5 younger siblings and one older brother, so never think you had it hard – my parents had it worse. :)

  • http://stillbaking.blogspot.com suze

    i loved this line:
    “BRING IT, PERSON WHO READILY FORGETS THAT MY INFANT LOVE IS CONDITIONAL.”

    sadly, if my 4-yr-old niece’s behaviour is any indication, it is also soooo true for post-toddler love.

  • ChristyD

    Ooh! I love the SuperNanny! My kids would be perfect if I could just get her to come live with us for a week and teach us how to be better parents. Glad to hear I’m not the only one who keeps her kids in the crib until they learn how to take the thing apart themselves.

  • http://www.yourownwords.blogspot.com susan @ yow

    How come those British nannies are so smart? Does having a British accent automatically make a person wise in all things? What’s up with that?

  • http://www.hydrangeasarepretty.blogspot.com Shelli

    I’m TERRIFIED of what Malka will become – thanks for the heads up.

  • Laurie

    My old college roommate and I get together to watch supernanny every monday (we were thrilled when they moved it from friday’s) Even though neither of have kids, I used to teach and she teaches 7th grade, so we love it analyzing it.

    Did anyone see the episode with the single mom who had 5 kids? 4 of which were two sets of boy twins, and then a single girl. They seriously needed to get that woman a live in supernanny.

  • http://veg4me.typepad.com veg4me

    As an infant my son always heard me tell the dog “good girl!” over and over again.

    At the age of 2 he was angry that I was taking him home from the park. I held his hand as he screamed and kicked, dragging behind me. He then shouted “BAD GOOD GIRL” at me and lunged forward, sinking his teeth into the upper part of the back of my leg.

    I ran in circles desperately trying to grasp him and he ran in circles behind me, latched onto my near ass only unclenching his jaw enough to howl “BAD GOOD GIRL!!” at me over and over again.

  • http://www.justsayjes.com jes

    Gosh. I am so glad you posted this story. I was beginning to think that Leta is a perfect child, and I was preparing to visit Utah so I could take her back home with me.

    Gosh. That sounds a little scary.

    I promise, I’m not scary.

  • http://www.digitalpretzel.com fred

    i am putting our crib back together for our 4 year old… then i’ll also have to electrify the bars and attach a steel death cage to the top. the boy is not going anywhere.

  • trublu76

    If you keep up this habit of disclosing your positive parenting techniques, CPS isn’t going to have anything to knock on your door about. What happened to you???
    Kidding of course. Time out is a wonderful technique, but one that is ever changing. As Leta grows and changes the duration and location of her time out place may change. I understand what other posters are saying about not using her bed, but if you see no adverse effects at this point, you have to do what works.
    My two kids were always different, what worked for one didn’t work for the other. My most vivid memory of a time out experience was with my son, he got sent to his room for time out (no tv, computer, video games… oh the horror). When I went to tell him he could come out, there was a note on his bedroom door ‘I HAT YOU, MOM’. He meant I HATE YOU, but being only 4, he forgot the ‘e’. Made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself as I ran to the phone to call my mother-in-law. She was in stitches, too. Funny kid, he is.

    Keep the posts coming, dooce, I don’t know what I’d do all day at work without them.

  • http://thekilgore.blogspot.com christy

    I think a cage match between Leta and my son when he was that age would be interesting. They sound like they are on similar levels of hellishness. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to check to see if I chipped a tooth from gritting them.

    Before he figured out how to climb out of the crib (at 15 months, for the sake of sweet baby jeebus) we would frequently put him in time out until he, uh, fell asleep.

  • http://papernapkin.typepad.com Sheryl

    Hey, my son will be 4 in July, and he still sleeps in a crib. When it’s the thrid kid you keep them in there as long as possible. Also, I keep him in time out until he calms down, which is sometimes much longer than 3 minutes.

  • momma 2 angels

    Ah just the juice I was jonesin’ for! Supernanny rocks, yup. I am sure you know she has a book? I like her because she is behavioral- not a bunch of freaky parental analysis, just changing behaviors, period. I like how she reminds us to schedule play time and put our computers away for time to time too. I once read in a kiddie-babble book to discipline with “no rancor” meaning you are not disclocating any arms or bruising when you time them out- and today I watched SN on Tivo and she said the same thing- “no confrontation” in the heat of the battle. Stay it calm! And I vote yes on the cribby time-outs, it’s a happy place and the testers & wanderers are safe there.

  • http://www.hamiltonfamilycircus.blogspot.com Heather

    All I can think about is now I know why my parents spanked me. When we have children I am planning on also using the Nanny’s technique, and I really hope it works. However, when I watched that little girl standing in the corner last week throwing all the books across the room all I could think of was that girl needs a swift kick in the butt. I think I need to practice my breathing techniques!! :-)

  • http://www.thekrue.blogspot.com Krooie

    Thank God for the crib jail!

    I’m a nanny, and it’s the only thing that keeps the 2 year old I take care of in bed. I dread the day that she moves to a toddler bed, because she’ll never stay in it. She’s a toddler ninja–she can open any lock, and no door can contain her.

    I weep just pondering that day.

  • Sehbub

    Our girls (then 4 and 2) put my husband on time-out once. While driving to his parent’s house, he was acting incredibly obnoxious and singing offkey at the top of his lungs, just to annoy me. So, our oldest told him to be careful, or he’d have to go on timeout. He continued, she insisted on timeout. He told her she had to remember *why* he had to go on timeout for it to work. When we got home 7 HOURS later, our oldest took him by the hand, led him to the timeout chair, and said, “Daddy Robert, you were NOT being nice to mommy in the car. You are on timeout.” then to me, “Mommy, how old is daddy?” When I told her he was 30, our two year old’s eyes got as big as her head, and her chin started quivering…”But, but…daddy will be in timeout FOREVER!” Priceless.

    You’re doing an awesome job, and I know that when our third arrives at the end of June, we’ll have our hands full. The first two have been on timeout maybe a half dozen times each, and they’re now 6 and 4. We just never dealt with the biting/hitting/name-calling that most people deal with. We’re so gonna get it with this new one!

  • E

    We always used ‘compromise’ with our two.
    The older one was about 3 and well versed with the concept and the younger one was about 18 months and not too well versed with anything so imagine my surprise when, in my trying to squeeze in another spoonful of dinner, she turned her head to the side (avoiding the spoon) then looked at me with one of THOSE looks and said “Compmise mum – one more (pointing at the spoon) – sert (meaning dessert)!” If she had said Pony, I would have lead it up the stairwell myself!!

  • Villarica

    My DS has taken manipulation of parents to the next level: when I say it’s time for a time out, he willingly puts his arms up to be carried there, not crying or anything. Now how is that a punishment any more?

  • http://www.journeyingthroughit.squarespace.com Beverlee

    It constantly amazes me how these little tiny people can control and manipulate us. Of course it is all forgotten when we witness them sleeping. Thus, we go through it all over again the next day!

  • twoan7els

    God bless who ever invented the crib. My son is still in his crib (he’ll be 3 in July). He has never tried to climb out of it. Every now and then I think about converting it to a toddler bed by removing the front, then I lay down until the feeling passes. It’s nice to have one place to put him where I know he’ll stay! As for the time-outs we use whatever corner is handy. At Home Depot one time we were in the door section, where the display doors are hanging all together, and if you part them in the middle it makes a great corner. I have a 6mo. daughter that will be entering the toddler years as my son is exiting them. If she’e anything like him, some of us may not make it. . .

  • Nicole Soukup

    Hey, don’t make any excuses for keeping her in a crib as long as possible! People are crazy if they take their kids out any earlier than necessary. My DD was climbing out at 15 months and it was hell before and after we moved her to a “Big Girl bed”. Now, my DS is almost 3 and scared to climb out… I plan on keeping him in there until he is potty trained!

  • http://overdressedconfessions.blogspot.com/ kalisah

    aren’t you concerned that using her sleeping area as her punishment area as well will affect her sleeping? Seems there’s a danger that she’ll start to associate it as a “bad” place and not want to sleep there anymore.

  • http://www.sweetney.com sweetney

    oh, the british nanny — how i love her. we even deploy The Naughty Step technique with some regularity (and success, incidentally).

    but you want to hear monstrous? once mina figured out how to get out of the crib (around age 2), we went and purchased one of those crib tent thingies and installed it for the expressed purpose of TRAPPING HER INSIDE. she clearly wasn’t ready for a toddler bed yet, and we were clearly not ready for her to be uncontained at night… PROBLEM SOLVED!

  • Scarlett

    The concept of timeout is definitely good – but sometimes can backfire. I must admit I don’t have my own babies yet, but I was also a somewhat… headstrong… child.

    Before I left the table every evening, I was supposed to thank my mother for dinner. It was just the rule to get out of my highchair. One night, apparently I didn’t enjoy dinner. So when I asked to get down, and Dad asked me, “What do you tell Mama?” I refused to budge.

    Daddy, thinking he had the upperhand, decided they would leave me in my highchair till I thanked Mom for dinner – assuming a not-quite-2-year-old would break before he did.

    [insert evil laughter here]

    At some point in the evening, after I fell asleep upright in my highchair, refusing to even whimper at being left alone in the dining room while my parents recessed to the living room for TV and conversation, they broke down, took me out, and put me to bed.

    Mom likes to tell this story as an example of two things: 1) when she figured out Daddy and I shared the exact same (stubborn) personality, and 2) when she realized I was quickly forming my own worldview and opinions that they couldn’t necessarily shape. (I’m another one of those disappointing liberal children of conservative parents, for example…)

    Frustrating for you, I know, that Leta is so independent and strong-willed – but I can’t help thinking, ultimately, how good it will be for her, and how proud you will be of the woman she’s bound to become.

  • http://www.flummel.com/ee Karan

    Bwahahahaha you are doomed!!!!! Leta’s exactly like my daughter… just wait until she’s 15.

  • Susan

    Ok. How many of you *adults* out there have been secretly wishing you could do the jello legs and flail around on the floor? Toddlers are unabashed unfettered emotions. How cool is that?

  • Lisa

    Thank GOD you wrote about the crib vs. bed. I just wondered that today. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Also, I’m not the only one with a hitter – yeah! But riddle me this, Batman, has Leta ever pinched you harder when you said, “Ow, you’re pinching. You’re hurting me!”
    And this with an angry look on her face. Well, ok, sounds like you have more of same. Anyway, I’m with Jon – maybe not 45 minutes, but gradually increasing the time each time-out might help…or not? Good luck!