• 1twopass

    um its easter?

  • the unlucky one

    Aaargh. The first time I saw the spelling error – in your post – I thought, no, I will not be a smartass and sound like a borderline troll in order to correct this word, I will NOT.

    But it appeared again and again in the comments and now I. can’t. stop. myself.

    Its “dyeing” eggs, not “dying” eggs.

    Apologies for being hypercritical about language. Its an awful habit, and has no cure.

  • http://www.thedrisin.blogspot.com dre

    Now all you have left to do is to eat fuschia and turquoise egg-salad sandwiches!

    I love the secret M&M talk!!

  • http://dailypiglet.blogspot.com/ Piglet

    I think you’ve found the answer, to dye them naked! We did no dying of the eggs this year, b/c we are evil parents. I made the mistake of telling my four year old son about Easter. So for two weeks, he needed to know how many days, and hours and minutes. After trying to explain measurements of time to him, he would then ask, “is that a long time”?

  • http://www.nessacery.blogspot.com Nessacery

    I think I’ll dye eggs drunk & naked next year as well…. does it matter that I don’t have any children?

  • http://smosey.com Elizabeth M. Johnson

    As a child I looked forward to Easter just for the hard-boiled eggs. I loved to collect all my eggs and sit on the sidewalk eating them while the other kids searched for the plastic, candy-filled variety. And then some evil person told my mom the dye would give me cancer. The holiday was never the same.

  • Joey

    Hi, new reader here. I think I’ve found a kindred spirit!

    At 11:30 tonight I was so desperate for my daughter Oliva, 3-1/2, to just go to sleep (she seems to require so much less than I), that I made up this story that Santa keeps a list of all the good little girls who are asleep before midnight. When he’s bringing toys for Christmas, he checks his list will take away one toy for each time she’s still awake at midnight. She sprinted for her bed and I haven’t heard another peep out of her. Daddy says I’m awful. I say, whatever works!

    I also loved your GRANDMOMMY story! Since I started young and ended late, I have kids ranging from 1 to 21 (I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I AM on medication as my nerves are shot to hell.) Anyway, my oldest bestowed upon me last year the title of GRANDMOMMY. At first I was really depressed about being pregnant at the same time as my daughter. (Turned myself right into a redneck joke with that little stunt.) But then the babies arrived, and I’ve come to realize how great it is to be the GRANDMOMMY. I have never been so popular and all it takes is cookies! I spoil her rotten, let her have cookies for dinner if that’s what she wants, and then send her home to her parents!

    As for our Easter celebration: I was too lazy to color eggs, and I let the kids eat all their candy in one sitting. No one puked, what a miracle. A lovely dinner of hot dogs and mac-n-cheese made the day complete.

    Keep up the great work, I’m really enjoying the daily read!


  • plue

    I just wanted to share my sister’s potty-training story.

    One night my parents and I were watching late night television and we heard the toilet flush. We looked at each other and mentally tallied that all of the toilet-trained people were sitting around the coffee table.

    Just then, we saw my two-year-old sister shuffle out of the bathroom and back into her room.

    She toilet-trained herself.

  • Patty

    Wait til she’s 24, and you think, aw, we don’t need to do this anymore…she’s too old for a basket. Then at 11 PM Saturday she says to you, “Hey Ma, change poopy diaper?” – no no nonono – she says to you “When are we going to dye eggs?”.

    Will you be prepared?

    By the way, no kid ever went to college still in diapers. My son took so long to catch on I used to joke I was going to let his wife train him.

  • http://karinka1.blogspot.com Carrie Johnston

    I never knew that “&” was “ampersand”. I’m always like, “That ‘and’ sign thingy.” Yay! I learned something today!

  • ylime

    Stemming from Charles Hawtrey’s comment about when Leta learns to spell…reminded me of a student learning to read asking me what a “pussy chick” was. Luckily, he came up to me and asked privately instead of blurting it to the entire class.

    I have to give him kuddos for trying to figure out how to say “psychic”. ;)

    That was a complete digression from your post. I’ve tried to comment here several times, but until a few weeks ago I had a crap computer with an even more crap internet connection. Love the site!

    Boo’s the haters! haha

  • mojobeat

    The dye problem was never an issue at our house, but then, I’m the youngest of eight, I do remember having to be careful with the stuff, but by then I was five. Easter was stolen from the pagans, “oester” as it was originally called refers to estrus, a womans cycle, and was a big fertility festival, thus the eggs and the rabbits, this is more or less the gist of the story, so if any religionist gives you crap about not being in church for Easter, tell them to stop stealing thier holidays from the pagans and killing everybody in the inquisitions.

  • happy

    I taught her to microwave peeps. A skill that will take her far in life.

  • sasha

    That’s about the extent of religion in our house too.
    Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

  • violet

    Spelling certain words only works till they learn to recognize the spelled word as meaning the same thing, which happens long before they learn to read or write. My nieces are two and five, but they know when you spell c-o-o-k-i-e, that you’re talking about cookie’s.

    I’ve only been reading your site for about a month now, but already it’s a daily habit. I’ve also gotten to love 3hive!

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    “Happy Zombie Jesus Day”

    awesome! next year I’m giving each member of my family a card that says that for Easter.

  • http://www.karihun.blogspot.com Karihun

    We decided to wait until next year to dye eggs because my son is 8 months old and I don’t think he would have been much help :) Next year though we plan on dying eggs and then using the left over dye to color our dog…

    Oh and I wanted to comment on the post before this one… I have a neice who’s first sentence was “Want to roll one?” whenever she saw a peice of white paper… like when I was babysitting her so her parents could go to drug rehab classes and offered her some blank paper to draw on… kids say the darndest things

  • http://www.melaniemhayes.com Melanie & Co.

    If it makes you feel any better we colored eggs with my six year old well after we put the two year old to bed!

    Another long-time reader, first-time commenter. I love your site thanks for not letting the nay-sayers bother you!

  • Erin

    I laughed out loud while reading this (as usual) and my roommate in the other room said, “What are you laughing at?” I said, “Dooce!” and she said, “Oh, I know, I just read it!”

    You are loved by roommates everywhere.

  • happy

    We found signs that said “Bunny Trail”. So, we laid a line of stuffed bunnies, chicks, any damned stuffed animal around, that led to her Easter basket. Over the years she became a bit obsessive when Easter was getting near. And since I tend toward the obsessive myself, I went along with it. She figured out how many animals we needed to have one every twelve inches and drew a goal chart(you know, the big thermometer thing). Any time we were near a thrift shop, another bunny for the trail. She’s in college now. I still give her an Easter basket, but now with dvds or cds and just a bit of candy. The stuffed animals were donated to our local free store for other kids to enjoy. She’s amazingly normal. I don’t know how that happened.

  • http://mrstalkington.blogspot.com Amybobamy

    I’m such an awful mommy. I totally forgot about the egg-dying part.

    My daughter is 3 and she doesn’t much care WHY the Easter bunny comes, but knows he is in league with Santa, and they are best friends for life.

  • freecave

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, too funny!

  • http://caloden.wordpress.com Caloden

    We did a practice run of the egg dying thing about a month ago. I stripped down the toddler, handed the dying process over to the eight year old and got the hell out of the way. I truly wanted to build a memory but the randomness thing was a bit too much.

    Next year maybe I’ll strip down too, and a drink might help with the OCD.

  • http://www.vegasandvenice.com vegasandvenice

    I am sure Jesus would appreciate nothing more than the very idea of you drunken and naked coloring Easter eggs! Oh wait maybe if the eggs had little swear words on them! Ya know I totally hate to be an idea moocher but can we do this to next year? We’ve been a bit less than religious this year too! Gotta make up for that somehow!

    Thanks for the great idea! Happy Holiday Burgler, Egg Dying, Chocolate Celebration Day!

  • vajrabelle

    I don’t care what any of those uptight [further obvious titles omitted to limit more insidiously righteous outrage] say about your blog — it makes me laugh out loud every time and I whole-heartedly thank you (and Leta, and Chuck, and even Jon/John) for it.

  • jams

    i am just happy to see you can understand the delicious peeps
    youre either a lover or a hater, and i happen to be a peep lover
    the wax eyes are annoying though
    and yes, i know they are ‘gross’ and yes, i still love them. appropriately, i will be seeing my dentist for a filling thursday
    happy spring!
    speaking of great yellow things – here in the pacnw, after you know, fiftysomething days of straight rain, it’s the perfectly timed daffodils that i swear save my life and soul every spring

  • http://www.shoesonwrong.net Annie

    If you’re not doing it drunk and naked, you’re just not doing it right.

    Which is pretty much my motto in life, now that I think about it.

  • kwall

    Please turn on comments for Semantics. The comments could be great! I love this site, Heather you’re awsome

  • Renee Dodd

    It’s true, the connection between absolution through blood sacrifice and a bunny distributing eggs and chocolate in nests of plastic grass is a little hard to explain to kids.

    As is why they shouldn’t just keep eating the candy contents of every plastic egg as well as hard boiled eggs as fast as they can… I watched some very excellent parents do their best to tackle this over the weekend, but the lil’ cutie still barfed on Dad’s shoulder at the end of the day.

    Ah, Easter!

  • Akgmcgirl

    I too find it easier to ignore certain, (most) subjects around my 3 year old son, because I too cant stand the constant every 10 second questions about a certain thing we might be doing later! lol. My husband family is planning a large family reunion in Boston this fall, and my son and I will be going, I havent even brought it up to him, and have asked the family to not elaborate to him about it, because if he found out he was going on a plane… well by time October finally got here, I will have pulled all my hair out and stuffed his mouth shut with it, because I would be so insane from the CONSTANT reminders of the airplane!

  • http://stridey.blogspot.com Charles Hawtrey

    “Also, M&M’s are now known around here as “the letter that comes after L – ampersand – the letter that comes after L’s.””

    Just wait until she learns how to spell!

  • http://www.dirtyolive.net dirtyolive

    I had everything set up, I was psyched and truth be told, a little tipsy. We had collected leaves for the impressions, decided on the colours and everything was laid out on a plastic tablecloth…

    Then he played with his trains.

    I would have loved to have a little green-footed shot putter at my house.

  • kim

    Great post! Funny as usual. I have been reading your blog for a long time, and I enjoy it immensely.

  • calicokitty

    technicolor eggs, nice visual Alliteration of Yellow

  • saywha?

    I just focus on the fertility side of Easter. It’s all about spring, new growth and of course doin it like bunnies. Oh and chocolate.

  • http://drennotes.com/ Aj

    Drunk and naked: just like the first Easter.

  • http://eurekablyth.com Bekah

    I’m mildly disappointed that there is no photo of a green-footed Leta here.

    Happy Easter!

  • dkat18

    Ok, I’m actually leaving a comment (my first I must say) about the last entry ‘Semantics’, it was HILARIOUS, I don’t know why, but since I read it I’ll random think of it and laugh out loud, thank you.

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    My daughter came back from Easter with her father and his family and said she had eggs for her step-father which, she declared proudly, she “sucked and blowed.”

    I just about fell over laughing.

  • staceypacer

    WOW…how much fun, as long as you can see past the sea of green! I try to remind myself not to spaz out about the house, but rather savor the memory!

    First time commenter, long time reader!!!

  • http://sbfh.blogspot.com PK

    I’m still finding glow-in-the-dark dye on our clothes. Dye from 2004.
    Nudity would’ve saved the clothes, but where would I still be finding the dye, I shudder to ask.

  • Jo

    Oh wow. I was excited about being the second person to leave a comment on a post. And then I realized that I hadn’t signed in. Now demoted to third. Oh well.

    Easter eggs…the thrill of it all! Actually, we’ve only dyed eggs once or twice…

    I love your (Leta’s) eggs. They are very pretty. :)

  • ktjane

    I love that photo!

  • berrychick

    I made the kids dye Easter eggs outside- I felt bad at first like I was just an anal neat freak mom… I let that go after the third cup of dye got knocked over.
    There was more dye on them then on any eggs.

  • http://jenorama.com Jenorama

    I boiled eggs, but my kids came home from their father’s today and said, “We’ve already colored eggs.”

    I got more interest in coloring eggs from the middle-aged men who came over for lamb dinner yesterday and drank all my liquor.

  • http://www.kimblahg.com Darlin’

    muhahahaha “smoke a bowl?” as part of the morning routine would be particularly funny when she wakes up with grandmommy.

  • desjal

    First let me preface this by saying that 2 years ago, I bought some really large plastic eggs and a bunch of mini-bottles and had MY PARENTS hide them in my yard for my friends and I, so I’m all about Easter being fun.

    Second, I’m not a parent, so this is not a question that keeps me up at night.

    My cousin told me that they were having a big panic attack because their 6 year old asked ‘what’s a bible?’ the other day. They realized that they may have had unintended consequences on their children when they chose not to practice organized religion.

    So, when you decide not to participate in organized christian religion, do you reject Christianity and the belief in Christ? And if you aren’t rejecting that, how do you give your child a proper education about Christ?

    I am not a very good Catholic, but I feel that is my choice. Being Catholic is so much of who I am that I cannot imagine NOT being Catholic even though I’m about the worst Catholic in the state of Virginia.

    Please don’t think of this as judging, I’m just very curious about what u do if you give up organized religion but don’t become agnostic/atheist.

  • sinbandera

    As fun as your Easter experience sounds, I must say that Mexicans know how to do Easter right. We don’t do all this hard boiled egg nonsense. What we do is months in advance we start gathering empty egg shells (we break the eggs, leaving a hole at the top and the rest of the egg pretty much intact). These empty shells then get filled with confetti, and the holes get covered with tissue paper. These are called cascarones, which on Easter everyone cracks on each others’ heads. Much more fun than what you white people do. Especially if you fill the eggs with flour instead. I mean, you’ll have a few angry uncles, but they’ll eventually get drunk and forget about it.

  • Taylor

    Your blog is excellent. The stories that you tell and the advice that you give has helped me get through some tough times as a new mother and dog owner living in Utah. I am also an ex-member and feel pressure from neighbors and family members to “choose the right”. Next Easter when my baby is old enough to dye eggs I will surely remember this post.

  • http://www.smithmediafusion.com/blog d-mode

    Dear Doocey-poo,
    I am praying for you and John and Leta and Chuck and Flynn.

    Peace and long live science.