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How to medicate with legal substances | dooce® dooce® » I'm Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. » How to medicate with legal substances
  • sandienotsandy

    So sorry about the Plumbing Catastrophe but it might be worth it just for that cookie and all the trimmings. Mmm, trimmings…

  • http://www.piecesofkake.blogspot.com karen

    Top Chef here you come!

  • choice

    Okay, I guess I’m the only one who thinks that looks decadent, but gross. I guess that’s because I’m a savory soother. My concoction would look like lasagna, stuffed in a burrito, battered and deep fried. With sweet tea, of course.

  • http://www.uninvitedguests.blogspot.com drummergirl

    mmmmmmm…spreadable cocaine.

  • http://rs536-2000.diaryland.com RS

    That cookie looks like my kind of crack…pass the pi…the plate.

  • tk

    Damn Girl you know how to medicate with the REALLY good stuff. Makes me want to go make some chocolate chip cookies. Sure, maybe not quite as fun as the 2 Percocet and one Ativan I just took but those little pills have far fewer calories (and were consumed for completely valid reasons, not just for a good time). Not sure which is more successful at killing the pain. I think I might now experiment with some of the calorie laden goodies I have around the house.

    OK, back to my reading of James Frey’s “memoir” of addiction. Seriously, who really expected every single word in that book to be true? If he really did the kind of drugs and drinking he references he’s pretty lucky to put two coherent words together much less a whole book. Take it for what it is kids, a cautionary tale.

  • http://www.adrielsommre.blogspot.com aslage

    You guys are awesome – way to look at the positives when you could just as easily run for the hills. When I was reading your post about the crap you’re dealing with, I was just thinking “Damn give a girl a break!!!” Also, I love banana and nutella together, I don’t think banana would be a terrible addition to your little creation either. Of course it’s kind of healthy and you might not want that.=)I’m gonna try that sometime!

  • http://lorilaurielauri.blogspot.com Lauri

    Now why haven’t I ever thought of that?

  • http://sheelagh.us JC

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… calorilicious. although i’d need to veto the caramel syrup and add chocolate syrup – possibly elmer’s and throw it in the freezer for a couple seconds – to make it truly heavenly.

  • http://www.kimblahg.com Darlin’

    When my sister’s sewer line busted due to tree roots, the city had a special fund to assist citizens pay for repair or replacement. She lived in an older part of the city and it happened all of the time to those with older, ceramic lines. Of course, this was in Missouri, not Utah but you may want to look into it.

  • http://www.xanga.com/gora_kagaz Gora_Kagaz

    mmmm…yum! i want some now…hope your plumbing woes are solved soon :)

  • http://www.whiterockgirl.blogspot.com whiterockgirl

    I can’t believe you have such a variety of treats in your home. All I can say is pure evil and why aren’t you hundreds of pounds? In my house that would be pure evil.

  • http://lowercasecarmen.blogspot.com lowercasecarmen

    Wow, after looking at that masterpiece I kind of want a broken pipe…Alright no, no I don’t. Maybe you could try mashing it all up, putting it in a syringe, and injecting it DIRECTLY into the blood stream. The high is better that way.

  • http://www.jrschutzy.typepad.com Jennifer Schutz

    Man that looks good. Wash it down with an Ambien and some wine, and you’ll forget all about the plumbing!

  • http://www.cerisekickingandscreaming.blogspot.com Morphea

    Oh, man. You guys suck. I mean, you totally deserve such a killer-sounding (and -looking) spiritual floatation device but do you realize that I’m having to look at these pictures at WORK? Oh my god…

    You should put whipped cream on top, you know, just to cut the sweetness a little…

  • http://athenamat.com marie ann

    Oh man. You are always awesome but this is SOOO funny. I love it. The descriptions are fabulous.

  • http://www.honest-planet.com Jen S

    That’s my kinda soothing dessert. That’s therapy right there, that’s what it is…

  • schadenfreudette

    i wonder if this delightful confection will remedy my malady, officially diagnosed as “mom-had-a-brain-aneurysm-kids-school-caught-on-fire-ex-husband-won’t-pay-child-support-car-about-to-be-repossesed-itis”

    i’ll let you know.

  • http://maxgus.blogspot.com napangel

    You are a comfort-food GENIUS!

  • ashleigh

    I love Nutella! I discovered it when I spent 6 weeks in London in the summer of 2002 for a study abroad program. It’s the greatest!

  • leonie

    oh, Dooce, how do I love thee, let me count the ways…

  • nidea

    Yes, we did have the glorious joy of cleaning up raw sewage from where it spewed into the basement. And one of our housemates had giardia, a parasite passed on via feces. Joy, oh joy, and rubber gloves all around.

  • jen

    I hope you know that you have forced me to resor to licking the computer screen.
    Kind of makes my inpending school finals (one class on which my admission to nursing school hangs on) seem less of a big deal. But kudos to you for regognizing a) you are still lucky in many ways and b) you soooooo deserve that cookie cacophony.

    (yes, I know cacophony refers more to a noise jumble that sugar-rush jumble, but I’m a sucker for alliteration.)

  • pcheng

    Did you all share the cookie? Or was this a single serving? It reminds me of the inside-out Reese’s cups with more peanut butter than chocolate. Let me just say you can never have too much chocolate.

  • http://www.martinbreton.com BREM experience

    That’s so gross.

  • Clairebell

    I KNEW nutella was good on everything. I am PMSing just enough to go home and try that tonight.

    But sometimes Nutella’s good right out of the jar, too. And sometimes I use a spoon instead of my finger.

  • alibree

    yummers… i know what i am having for dinner tonight!

  • Cardston

    It looks like it only weighs 6-8 ounces, but I bet if you eat it that you would put on 3 pounds.

  • http://mes9193.blogspot.com Megs

    now that’s a damn fine cookie…

  • http://www.kirida.com Ramona

    I still don’t think there’s enough ice cream. You could always wrap the whole thing up in a crepe and deep fry it. I think I’m too hungry and pregnant for this thread.

  • QueenOfToys

    Some days you just deserve to eat something like that.

    The only thing that would make it perfect would be a glass of iced irish cream beside it….

  • http://catizhere.blogspot.com Catizhere

    Oh yeah… just the thing to show the 6 months pregnant lady…. I WANNA COOKIE!!!!

  • http://www.iprettymuchhateeverything.com Torrie

    I’m on my way to your house.

  • north

    Ok, so first, the person above who can send you “Super Dickmans” chocolate? HA! Dickmans! And I am truly surprised by the number of readers who know NOTHING about Nutella. What rock ya’ll been livin’ under?

    Back to what I was going to say: My father just left the country for a two month trip, and left me with a check to pay his bills while he is away. Within the first week this was nearly completely spent because he forgot that he had his sewer repaired THE WEEK BEFORE. I really think he’s losing it. I mean, it was a pretty major purchase. Whatever.

    Need a cookie now.

  • http://johnomatopoeia.typepad.com Johnomatopoeia

    Wow! I’m deathly allergic to peanut butter, but all I can think is, ‘what a way to go out’. It’s like the culinary equivalent of having a massive coronary while engaging in wanton sex with a few supermodels.

    Or my wife.

    (Hi honey!)

  • scargosun

    I am SO adding this to my dessert repertoire. I will call it Dooce’s Delight. I tried to think of something like Sewer Cookie but I don’t think it would fly with my guests. ;)

  • http://vindauga.typepad.com Lisa V

    You had me until you added the m & m’s. Skip those, change it to vanilla ice cream pour some butterscotch schnapps instead of caramel, and you have a taste sensation.

    We have big trees too that mess with many things, mostly our wallets. To have them trimmed every year is $3000 to $5000. They don’t get trimmed every year. At least not in the years we plan on eating.

  • http://timothyjlambert.livejournal.com timothyjlambert

    Rock on! But I’m thinking it’s self-medication like that which brought on John’s near root-canal. Still, I’d say it’s worth it.

  • ClaireDanish

    How is it that I have lived 37 years without someone, anyone, telling me that Nutella is CHOCOLATE hazlenut?! Girlfriends are supposed to share their addictions with you. Obviously, my girlfriends are all bitches. Selfish bitches.

  • http://eyesaverted.blogspot.com/ Wicked H

    The Blurbodoocery Tonic! I’d buy at least a case of them. Just a thought.

  • NixMom

    Ctrl+ 500% please

  • Karen

    I think the funniest thing about this is the google ad that shows up occasionally titled “Jif Desserts”

  • http://wealhtheow.diaryland.com wealhtheow

    This cookie is the work of pure genius, and your current troubles (which makes you sound kind of like Northern Ireland) will, in retrospect, be totally worth it because you brought this cookie combination to the world. May the angels in heaven sing your praises. Two layers of peanut-butter with an interstitial layer of nutella! BRILLIANT!

  • http://CartwheelsAtMidnight.blogspot.com CartwheelsAtMidnight

    My version of “Bootiful Mama”:

    When my kids want something, I ask, “What do you say?”

    The appropriate response is: “You are smart and pretty and tall.”

    And then I give them whatever they want.

    Oh, and by the way, MMMMMMMMMMMMM. Nutella. Never even occured to me.

  • http://hypersynaesthia.blogspot.com Alexandra

    That looks amazing… and makes me painfully aware of the fact that I’m going to have to stop by the grocery store on my way home. What a wonderful way to make your life better. Oh god, Nutella. My stepfather’s company works with Ferrero, the company that makes that glorious crack in chocolate-hazelnut form, so we get kilo jars of it as perks. Glory. Except– I once dropped a full one on the stone kitchen floor, and literally almost wept as it gooily oozes out of the broken jar. Nutella with glass shards in it. No greater tragedy.

  • mediaguy74

    MMMMMM….. that looks good. Im having the same kind of week. Someone put out a memo and didnt tell me it was “shi* on me week!”

    Its days like this I wish I wasnt allergic to flour products. I could use some cookies and ice cream right now. However if I werent, I would resemble the stay puft marshmallow man.

    Next week will be better!

  • Silliness

    I am praying to the gooey sugar gods in heaven above that you somehow documented the earth-shaking sugar rush that bowlful of wonderful no doubt induced.

    Sucks about the plumbing,though. My sympathies, blubodoocery!

  • gidge

    seriously can’t believe you left out whip cream. basics people, let’s not forget the basics.

  • http://www.goodapple.blogspot.com goodapple

    That looks remarkable like my ‘gettin’ divorced’ cookie. Although I added mini-marshmellows to soften the blow and had hot fudge instead of caramel because hot fudge sounded dirtier.

  • http://www.sweetney.com sweetney

    dude, is does that cookie have WEED in it?

    if so, that there is the most perfectest motherfucking cookie in the universe. like, wow.

    [beat]

    uhh… what was i saying?