• parsnip

    Someone told me that going from one child to two was like going from owning a dog to running a zoo. So, so true. I had 3 in 60 months (MADNESS) and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I couldn’t believe I’d made so much fuss about having just one!

    It will be hard, but not as hard as the first time. And I don’t know anyone who’s regretted having more than one. And Leta will (eventually) thank you for it. Otherwise, it’ll just be her wiping the drool from your chin when you’re in your dotage. Not to mention the fact she’ll have someone to bitch about you to when she’s a teenager.

    Go on, just do it. You know you want to.

  • http://romanceaphobe.blogspot.com epiro

    Have you been talking to Brooke Shields? I swear, you must have, because she was just talking about this very subject on the Today show or some other very public forum. The bad news, yeah, you’re gonna have postpartum depression. The good news? You are so much better prepared for it the next time around!

  • http://reflections.whimsychick.com WhimsyChick

    We’re in a similar situation here. My twin boys will be eight next month. Yes, eight. When they were about four years old, I began thinking about having another ONE. But we decided to wait until they were in school. Then we waited a year until they were in school full days. Then we waited a year until I completed my degree. I finished my degree in December, and here we are wondering when we’ll time it right. They went from four to eight in a blink. Adding a baby now would be like starting all over again. But at their age (and ours!) it’s now or never. And I know the day will come when I will regret it if we end up with never.

  • Maria

    Funny you’re writing about this right now… I’m going through similar feelings, and coincidentally, wrote about it 2 weeks ago.

    I’ve been married for almost 5 years, and we’re only now starting to talk seriously about having our FIRST child. But, if it’s always been a bad time, this is the worst time ever, and for many reasons, my maternal wishes still won’t kick in.

    If I get trough it and do have a baby, I know the decision to have a second child will be infinitely harder.

  • http://mnlove.blogspot.com/ Kim Rodgers

    Hi Heather,

    I have been reading you for a while, but this is my first comment. You have already gotten a TON of comments and I guess that can only be expected. It seems like everyone has an opinion when it comes to this subject. I think the first time we got asked was at my daughter’s baptism. She was 2 months old.

    I have the baby fever BAD right now! There are a lot of big things to think about and weigh, but I think if we didn’t have another one I would always regret it.

    I just wanted to let you know that I’m in somewhat of a similar boat as you and it’s always fun to commiserate with someone else!

    Good luck in whatever you decide!


  • murphy

    I was struggling w/ the same decision in the fall/winter. Did I want another child or not? The whole situation was triggered by the fact that my family doctor pointed out that I should get off the pill because I had a few risk factors for a stroke, and taking the pill was the only thing I could control. My sister suggested I get my tubes tied and the permanency of that decision really freaked me out. Which caused me to wonder: did I freak out because I really want another child?

    One factor that swayed me against another child was my husband. He has 3 from a previous marriage and he really doesn’t want any more. Lack of partner support is HUGE.

    Another factor that swayed me was when my sister pointed out that while I do truly love my son, dogs are my passion – and another baby would delay dreams and goals I have had had since I was a child.

    Then in January I returned to work. I love my job and my son is doing really, really well in day care – loves it – so my decision has been made. I’m going to get those tubes tied.

    But it’s such a personal decision, so hard to make. No one else is going to experience that PPD. No one else is going to have to carry the baby to term, nurse the baby, put up w/ the 24/7 care a newborn demands. No one else can make this decision for you. But rest assured, I think the whole situation is win/win; ie, there’s no way you can choose incorrectly.

    Thanks for an excellent blog post – this is a great discussion.

  • rpgoodwin

    My kids are 19 months apart – my son is almost 4 and my daughter is 26 months. I want you to know that having two kids is not just twice as hard but exponentially harder, particularly if they are close together. The second pregnancy is harder on your body and your mind and you don’t get to rest because you have to take care of kid #1. Same for the first two months when you don’t sleep – your first child won’t care if you’ve been up all night, she’ll bounce out of bed and expect your clear-eyed attention. There’s the “Am I being fair? Am I favoring one? Do they feel equally loved?” guilt. When they get a little bigger, there’s the constant squabbling, and the fact that they somehow trade off so that at least one of them is requiring your attention every minute. I hope you’ll forgive my presumption – I also had problems with depression, particularly during my second pregnancy, and went on Wellbutrin and am still on it. If you are not 100% sure that you want another child, wait. I know about the “baby jones” and how powerful it can be, but my honest opinion, drawing from my knowledge of you and my own experience, is that it’s not the right choice for you right now.
    Best of luck and thanks for sharing your life with us.

  • http://www.distractedmind.com Tina

    God — this is the same debate that’s been cycling through my head! I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can look at a baby, snuggle it and threaten to eat it with sincerity, which means that the meds must be working. I keep thinking that it would be great to have another child, but then I think about finances, about post-partum depression, about having to go off medication and the hell that would likely entail. You’re not alone in the dilemma department.

    It’s a rough decision. I think I’m putting my decision-making time off until we get our little girl toilet-trained. There’s just something about multiple household members in diapers that just seems very unappealing.

  • http://www.missingmojo.blogspot.com Sally

    My husband and I waited 8 years before we finally had our daughter and then I experienced a wicked rash on my legs, arms and torso and had to go to the dermatologist, have biopsies and tests and chew my nails waiting for the results only to learn the Dr. had no f’n clue what caused the rash. Then I had postpartum depression – nothing as severe as what you went through and nothing that a 3 month prescription of Zoloft couldn’t handle. Afterwards my husband said, “I don’t want anymore kids – *I* don’t want to go through all that again.” *HE* didn’t want to go through all that! We decided with our meagre blue-collar income, our tiny 3 bdrm 1970s house, one child was enough and we’d be able to afford to give her more than if we had more babies. My daughter’s 8 and I still find myself wanting to bury my nose in unsuspecting babies’ necks. And we’ve had to field the “when are you having more” question but we have little regret – my husband even jumped at the chance to have a vasectomy – okay, not jumped but meekly agreed.

  • naralius

    do it for Leta… she’ll have a friend for life

  • alizarai

    Heather- why not try a little social healthcare, if you will. Ask each of your readers to contribute 50cents or a dollar toward your delivery. Hell, I read your site all the time, and it’s way better than a magazine subscription. btw- Urs- it’s a copout to say you’re not having kids b/c of Heather’s sister or people like her. Do you even know her sister? I doubt it. Does she have any effect on your daily life? Again, I doubt it. For whatever reason, maybe you’re scared of being an inadequate parent, that’s something in your psyche, not out there in the big ol’ Mormon world. peace.

  • http://polar_bear.blogspot.com Scheherazade

    Sounds like a scary decision. My sister and I are seven years apart – they couldn’t really afford her (I don’t think) but they got through it. If you really want it, you will too.

  • http://ooohshiny.typepad.com Nia G

    I think also another factor which is
    Are you ready for how Leta might react to another baby? Older kids generally don’t take well to the arrival of younger ones because parental attention becomes diverted.

    I’m not saying that’s always the case, mind, and my sister was excited about her younger siblings arriving but I know of other kids who have coped less well.

    It’s hard to say what the chances are of it being one way or another, but I think you should also have a contingency plan of what to do if Leta becomes jealous and angry and vindictive about Baby No. 2.

    This statement was brought to you Courtesy of Nia’s Inner Paranoiac.

  • Antennapaedia


    So, here’s two cents from a 26 year old with no kids and no plans to have them. If you do decide to have more kids, PLEASE don’t let it be because you don’t want Leta to be An Only Child ™. I know so many parents (most of my friends are at the same had-one-kid-do-we-want-to-do-this-again? stage) that are of the opinion you simply HAVE to have more children, because MY GOD, if they’re An Only Child, the little bastard will grow up maladjusted and never learn to share! or, you know, something equally irrational. I’m biased, I’m sure, since I was an only child but I went to Montessori school and learned to share and got to college and did fine with roommates and while I won’t say I went forth into the world with NO baggage, none of it was because I didn’t have siblings.

    Anyway, I guess my point is “Only child” is not the dirty word so many parents seem to think it is. If you decide to call it quits at Leta, she will be a fine and dandy little person no matter what and you’ll have the time and ability to give her the attention she needs.

  • yogurtweaver

    My tuppence worth…

    I’m the eldest of 4 kids – the middle 2 are twins (the result of fertility drugs for my mum’s 2nd-ary infertility) and there’s 5 years between them and me and then 8 years between me and the youngest (they’re all boys). I was an only child for the first 5 years of my life and was thrilled to bits with my new baby brothers. All four of us fought like cats and dogs as kids (the age gaps were a major factor – terrible teens colliding with cheeky pre-teens etc) but are very close nonetheless. I’m part-sister, part-2nd mum to my brothers and, although there’ve been times when I’ve wished I’d had a sister and/or siblings closer in age, I know that my relationship with my brothers was one of the key experiences that has made me who I am (for better and for worse! bossy? me? surely not!).

    I’m neither religious or much of a fatalist but I do firmly believe that there are some things out of our direct control (e.g. pregnancy number 2 being twins etc). However, I also believe that people have a HUGE capacity to cope with (if not flourish on) the hand that life deals us. As someone who has a depression gremlin lurking in the background most of the time, I empathise with your worries about PPM, I really do. However (and it’s a biggy), you’ve proved to yourself (and to your zillions of fans and admirers) that you’ve got the reserves to make it through pretty much whatever life might throw at you and, more than that, to make the very most of it (a special ability indeed).

    Phew. Very long winded (and slightly self-indulgent – sorry!) way of saying that whilst decision- and change-making is scary, sometimes you’ve got to grab the bull (ahem) by the horns and just go for it! Whatever you decide to do (and it is, of course, nobody’s decision but yours and Jon’s), I hope it brings you the happiness that you deserve.

  • http://hypermetamorphic.blogspot.com sasha

    Yeah, I always thought I’d be a high-volume mom, too. But being a parent is different than thinking about being a parent, and after our first, I had to re-think everything. After much debate, we decided to give him a sibling, and I’ll always be glad. Even though it’s taken so much out of me (and continues to do so), it was the best gift we could have given to them both. I know that I’m grateful every day for my own siblings…when our parents are gone, we will still have one another. That’s what I wanted for my kids; their parents won’t always be around.

    Although I miss the old life when it was me and my little guy against the world, and although I felt like I was cheating on him when his brother was born, watching the two of them love each other is almost even better than when they wrap their arms around my neck.

    I wish you luck!

  • ruth

    Sometime further down the line you might feel sad and maybe even disappointed that you had not had another. You might wonder about what could have been and you might, just might, regret making the decision to stop at 1. But if you go for it and you DO have another, there won’t be any room for sadness and disappointment or wondering what could have been. You will always feel that you made the right choice.

    You might even get to be in the room this time.

  • http://silentgoddess.squarespace.com Lane Meyer

    We have one…and we are done. He is a rockin’ 8 year old. Single child. Little adult. He is perfect.

    I learned soon after he was born that he would be it. My choice. Our choice. I, too, had postpartum depression. Not something I would ever care to go thru again, nor wish on ANYONE, even TomKat.

    We were constantly asked when we were having more. Still comes up when we meet new people (why is it people think you have to have more than one? Why do they think any of this is their business anyway??) and I have found that blurting out “Paul got snipped” usually ends that conversation rather quickly. Hey, if they are asking personal shit…I am gonna get personal!

    Just a little bit of my experience for you. You will do what is right for you. No matter what the decision. It will be right for you.

  • Whitney Reynolds

    I hope that when you do make this decision, it’s for you and Jon and Leta, and not for any of those darling folks who say, “Oh, your child is so precious! … Why haven’t you spawned again already??” That sort of pressuring is something I can’t understand. My brother and sister-in-law just had a baby a month ago, so I figure they have… oh… probably another two weeks before people start asking them when #2 is due.

    And just for my useless .02, I have found in my own life and in people I’ve known, five years apart is a pretty reasonable time between kids, both for the kids growing up (never have the kids at the same school, not too close together that they have bad rivalry, not too far apart that they can’t relate), and for the parents to rebound and adjust and get ready for it all again!

  • scoxsmith

    Every time you post about Leta it reminds me so much of when my son was little. He was a big handful from the get-go and I didn’t even suffer with PPD. We did decide to have one more and I’m glad we did. We felt so much more confident because we knew that we could deal with whatever came our way. I even enjoyed the crazyness a little bit, because I felt experienced enough to keep up what worked the first time and change what didn’t. My daughter is a completely different kind of handful, but I at least know better to expect the unexpected.

    No parent ever feels truly successful when raising a child, but sometimes, going through it again (and again, and again… ) takes the pressure off the parents and the first child because you’ve widened your investment, so to speak.

    It truly is a choice a couple should consider carefully but I definitely think you guys are up to it.

  • http://dooce.migrantroo.com minxlj

    I think having Leta beside you every day is the biggest part of what has healed you, and I’m so glad you feel better. You’ll need a lot of support if you have another baby, but you have a wonderful husband and family so you’ve won half the battle there!

    Having no urge to have children myself I can’t really say I want to eat babies heads, but I guess kittens and puppies give me that feeling ;-)

  • http://random_thoughts_from_an_empty_mind.blogs.com/janis/ Janis Branca

    You’ll know if and when the time is right.

    I’ve never had to deal with PPD. But I do have bipolar, so I do understand those dark thoughts and feelings. Up, down, up down, Yay! What a fun ride! Not.

    I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. If you ever want Leta to play with my twins, come on over. Hell, bring your whole family. Then you all can see what fun, crazy chaos it is to have a huge family! HAHAHA Would telling you I have booze and lots of it tempt you into a visit? HAHA!

    As an aside – thanks for passing my email on to Jon. He gave me some good ideas on where to find web servers for our non-profit. Give him a smooch for me- no tongue though. Don’t want to be too forward with your man. :o )

  • Butterme

    Not sure if this has already been said in the previous 296 emails, but new research indicates that a high intake of Omega-3 and Omega-6 fish oil can reduce the incidence of PND. Fortunately I live in Tasmania, where Atlantic salmon is considerably cheaper than petrol. It may be this alone which has saved me from sniffing the latter in the last 18 days since my daughter Isabel arrived, during which I HAVE NOT SLEPT. But she is beautiful. And I do want to eat her head.

  • http://web.mac.com/julievician/iWeb/Alotasplainintodo/My%20Blog/My%20Blog.html Mrs. Ricardo

    I had many of the same thoughts before our second. I listened to my heart. I’m so glad I did. My son is everything my daughter isn’t. And vice-versa. A perfect ying-yang of offspring. My sister, who has one child the same age as my daughter, asked me if my daughter ever talked to herself. Apparently, her son does. I replied “No, she has her brother.” ‘Nuf said.

    Keep listening to yourself and you’ll hear the answer.

  • http://kimba-bremen.com kim from germany

    that IS a tough one. i don’t think there’s ever a right time for the first or second or third [or fourth and fifth for that matter] so if it feels right, go for it. the financial situation is understandeable but i’m sure you can manage that. as to leta: i believe it’s only good for a child to have [a] sibling[s] to grow up with. it makes a huge difference when it comes to social abilities and believe me, once they can keep each other busy you won’t wanna miss that opportunity for some time for yourself [as in "go wrestle with your brother/sister and let me finish my coffee" and those things] … also, don’t you think it’s gonna be a lot easier PPD-wise now that you know what you may have to deal with? :)

  • http://www.myspace.com/amedame Amy D.

    Plan not to plan, Heather! If it happens, it happens, and if not, so what? You have overcome so much, and I’m sure you know, or I hope you do, that you’re capable of dealing with anything that life throws your way. You know life isn’t easy, but we’re human….our claim to fame is that we adapt! Opposable thumbs and shit; we’re always doing stuff that seems impossible before we get it done. Plus, Leta would be the BEST. BIG. SISTER. EVER! (besides me of course!) Don’t you want to watch her eat baby toes and stuff? Don’t let fear or other people’s expectations stop you….or make you feel guilty for choosing not to…it’s nobody’s business but yours, but thanks so much for sharing with all of us anyways!

  • http://flubberwinkle.blogspot.com/ Flubberwinkle

    My two daughters were born six years apart, by choice. I wanted to enjoy my first born (and my recovered sanity) as much as possible and then enjoy my second baby’s reign while Daughter#1 went off to school and was “mature enough” not to be jealous of Daughter#2. Six years difference has worked out for us, because that’s when I felt I was ready for the next baby.

    If you feel you’re ready now, go for it now. You have a loving, nurturing environment that any family would be jealous of. I hope the money issue won’t hinder the Blurbodoocery baby boom. Besides, you’re not thinking in terms of marketing. If one baby has brought you all this celebrity on the web, think what blogging about two kids will do for Armstrong Media, LLC? Ooooh, two newsletters a month; I’m giddy with anticipation!

  • NixMom

    We’re stuck on this question too. We have decided that once our son (who’s 21 months) is potty trained and in daycare at least part-time, we will try for another one. I don’t think I’m ready to take my full attention away from him yet. I’m not ready to share him, lol. I don’t know if he’ll be ready to share me either. We’ll have to see. We know we can’t afford another one but we’ll manage because we always do. Hope everything works out for you Heather. Take care.


  • http://twinklelittlestar.typepad.com Lisa Ferris

    I always pictured myself with two children. One to one ratio, population growth, etc.

    Then I had twins on the first go. (And no it wasn’t IVF or fertility drugs, thank you so much for asking : ). So, I think I should be done. But everything was such trial by fire and I never got to have just one starter baby. It is weird to think about everything as the first and last time you will ever experience it. The first and last pg, the first and last breastfeeding, the first and last learning to walk. They are 18 months old now, and a third would be just a really lot of work and all the things you talk about would be my concerns, too. I’m 35 as well, and I’m thinking about adoption. But there is the itch and then there is the fear. Don’t know which will win out.

    All that, just to say I understand. And an answer will come to you that is right for you. Good luck with whatever happens. Its so little within our control anyway.

  • http://www.billygean.co.uk Billygean.co.uk

    Also, I don’t mean to start a war but re: salmonday, if we didn’t blog about things that other people don’t have, want, cry about, nobody would ever blog.

  • http://hasg.blogspot.com/ Heather G.

    As usual, you say the things so many of us women are thinking but too afraid to say!!! THANK YOU!!!

    To anyone who says you MUST have more than one child, ask them if they’re coming over for the midnight feedings.

    I always thought I’d have two kids. I grew up with siblings and always felt sorry for only children. I have an 8 yr old son and got my tubes tied two years ago. The chance of having PPD again was way too scary for me.

    I actually think 4-6 yrs between kids is nice. One goes off to school while the baby gets your full attention. If your career can fit around that, I’d say it’s the best choice. Plus that gives you a few more years to enjoy the sanity you’ve so recently regained!!

  • http://sheelagh.us JC

    there are quite a few pregnant women out there who don’t actually want their children after they’re born. Maybe not in Utah, but they’re out there. I think adoption is a great option. You wouldn’t have to pay for the delivery, though I suppose the adoption costs might be similar. No post partum depression either. Something to think about.

  • Elena

    As severe as your depression was and that Leta was an unusually difficult baby/toddler (toddlerhood is often an indication of how they’ll be as teens, so you may be tearing your hair out again in 9 or 10 years) and you’re finally coming out of that, I’d vote no. Your sister has produced more than enough children for all of you! :-)

  • salmonday

    You opened this topic up for discussion? You’re braver than I, that’s for sure.

    I believe that there should be a law that you are immune from prosecution if you punch the face of someone who asks you when you’re going to have a(nother) child. My wife and I needed extensive infertility treatments to have our first, and we were hoping that we would have “righted” ourselves as a result of the first, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. We secretly resent anyone who “decides” to have a baby and can just fire up the oven because there are days my wife comes home from work nearly in tears because so many of her co-workers are pregnant with their second or third child and asking her when she is going to “join the club.” I know this doesn’t help your thinking any, but I just want to warn people that asking that question, even if it’s family, toys with face-punching.

  • Sussanadoo

    Look nobody likes an only child. Sorry only children, but you have too much invested in you, you are way too SPECIAL. The one, the only. You need to be ignored, victimised, humiliated in a safe family environment, who helps you do that, but your siblings? Seriously your child need someone to talk to as an adult about what a whackjob you are, and who else could understand but a brother/sister. It took me five years after the birth of my no sleeping son (I called him the war criminal, the geneva convention outlaws sleep deprivation), it was scary, but way, way easier the second time around.You know you didn’t kill the first one, you are more confident. I was medicated for most of the first year of my son’s life, and have been fine the second time around. It doesn’t mean you will be depressed again. I have enjoyed the second child. My husband called her “spare parts” while I was pregnant (that’s another reason to have a second!)

  • http://hmft.blogspot.com strawberrygoldie

    I just went through this. I am 35. Remarried to the RIGHT guy this time. My son is SEVEN, for God’s sake.

    Am I too old? Maybe I’ll have secondary fertility. What if I miscarry like before? Andonandonandon…

    Girl, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have been given another opportunity to make a HUMAN FREAKING BEING.

    I jumped in, headfirst. No regrets, mamacita. Trust yourself. You will know what to do.

  • happysad77

    thank you so much for being honest about this challenging decision…responsibility…thought process. i think that i’ve walked a similar path to yours over the past year with my first child and i feel scarred by the pain-emotional and physical. i finally have begun to see the ‘light’, am enjoying motherhood and am learning what it means to be a mom. are you ever really ready to embark on this adventure again? who knows, but in the meantime, i’m thankful that there are other women who understand.

  • http://www.thingsthatarenice.blogspot.com h.m.

    you have to do what’s right for your situation.

    but the perspective i can offer is that i know a five-year-old only child who desperately needs a sibling. she’s my husband’s cousin, and her mom has tried having more kids but hasn’t been able to yet (she’s in her very late 30′s and is going through in vitro right now). she’s a very smart and entertaining child, but when there are no other kids around to play with she is VERY demanding and VERY exhausting to the adults because she needs to have your full ttention and ask you questions and get answers rightawaynow NOW NOW NOW NOW! it’s also too bad that, even if her mom were to get pregnant right now, they would be about six years apart in age (hardly good playmates).
    Leta has always seemed to be a *bit* of a demanding child (tongue in cheek!), so if you were to have another baby, the first year or so would probably be pretty rough. but i’m willing to bet that afterwards, and for years to come, you would be so happy that the two of them have each other.

    and how much of an advantage is it that Jon works from home now? what a great help that would be!

  • Leeloo

    It’s all been said already (and said WELL, i might add), so i’ll sum up. I hesitate to vote because your womb is NOT a democracy, so i’ll weigh in on both sides.

    Pro-baby 2: Your health insurance situation may suck, but your sanity insurance situation is actually rather optimal right now. Leta is gaining independance, Jon is home, you have family around and a neighborhood you adore. On those inevitable and perhaps plentiful days after the 2nd arrived when you might wish you had only one child to parent, you could conceivably do just that. The people who love you best and are in your support network know the score by now, and will be happy to pinch hit for you. As for work, well that is never a perfect science, but you have networked yourself beautifully, and made huge strides. Why not choose to believe the trend will continue?

    Pro Leta Solo: It’s already been said better than this, but the point is that only children only get spoiled if they get spoiled. You already know how not to spoil a child by having grown up in the way that you did. Leta could still have lots of big-family experiences by visiting her cousins and friends and then return to her comparably quiet retreat of a home and count her blessings…ALOUD! And you could record it and post it for those of us in her fan club. I digress…

    Every family situation has its inherent challenges, the finer points of which may never clear up ‘in time’ for the sitcom-perfect arrival of another member. However, from one recovering control freak to another, go with your heart rather than your head or your hormones, and you will be doing the right thing.

  • shasta2442

    My only advice is don’t wait until after Leta is already using the potty before you decide. Because for me, once my two daughters were both out of diapers, that was IT. There was no way in the whole entire universe that I was going to start all over again! It’s a whole new world once they’re out of diapers. A good world.

    Joking aside, though, I wish you luck on your decision. It’s a tough one I know. And what the other posters said is true; more than one equals quadruple the work. I can’t explain why but I definitely found that to be true.

  • http://www.karihun.blogspot.com Karihun

    Wow in some ways I could have written a similar post. I keep wondering if all that I can handle is one and as my son Lucas is quickly leaving babyhood I try and treasure every moment in case I never go through this again!

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    It’s a big decision, and a responsibility that I can’t fathom at the present time. Whatever you guys decide, I know that you will be just fine. I mean jeebus, Heather, look at what you guys have overcome. You are amazing parents, and Leta has a great advantage in life because she has you two. If you have more monkeys, they will be equally as blessed.

    I also think it’s ok not to want to go through the PPD again, or to just not want more kids. I love kids, but I’m not sure I want to actually have them living in my house.

    Hey, you could always adopt! (ME)

  • http://schmutzie.blogspot.com schmutzie

    My little brother called me long-distance to ask me about how I knew that I should get married, because he’s considering taking that step with his girlfriend. I turned all Yoda-like and said “There is no knowing. There is only doing. And maybe failing. And maybe being excellent.”

    For a while after that phone call, I wondered if that was indeed how I lived my life. I was full of crap. First, I worry and revisit all my fears. Second, I do. Third, I approximate a success somewhere between failing and excellent.

  • cheryl

    i have an almost 11 month old son & already i am getting bombarded by family & friends alike with questions of when we’ll go for #2. it just seems to absurd to me. i find myself thinking, “really? already? but he can’t even walk or talk or anything!”

    right now, my husband & i feel pretty confident that we don’t want another child. i was not very good at being pregnant & i have no choice but to undergo repeat c-sections for future babies, neither of which i am rushing to experience again. the biggest factor is that i am still so enamoured with my son that i can’t imagine another baby in our lives. i can’t fathom how another child can compare to him. i know that if we had another baby that i would feel the same way about him. since becoming a mother, i fully understand how you can simultaneously single out each of your children as the greatest/cutest/smartest/best kid in the universe. even still, i’m just not ready to take the spotlight off of calvin. and i don’t know if i ever will be.

    my mother-in-law cried when we told her our feelings. she said that she was “deeply hurt” that we might not have any more kids. if that’s not pressure, i don’t know what is.

    along with my emotional & physical reservations, i am always worrying about how we’d manage if we did want another child. it seems like calvin takes every ounce of our energy, all of our attention, all of our love, and all of our money. i just don’t see how people can do it, though i can understand why they want to.

    for me, the answer is somewhat simple. i’ll know i’m ready when the desire for another child outweighs the worry about actually doing it. in that moment of delusional impracticality, i’ll know it’s time & we’ll go from there.

    children– on their own, in twos or fours or tens– are amazing. you’ll know when you’re ready for more. you’ll know when its time. and my advice to you is to jump right in as soon as you do, because there’s never enough time or money or insurance, but there is ALWAYS enough love.

  • http://www.reformedstrippersanon.blogspot.com JessicaRabbit

    Ok first I have to say, Bucky Four Eyes you just hush your mouth, we both know I wouldnt need to bring home a turkey baster.

    Second, I DO get the baby fever quite often now that my boys are teenagers and since I have no uterus let me tell you how I deal with it. It is a very simple plan, The Catch and Release Program. You just borrow other peoples sweet small babies, and then when you cant take any more you send them back home and enjoy the freedom that having an older child brings.

    Just wait til she is out of diapers and you have a baby who is still in them over for a few days…

    I have found my personal limit with my 4 nieces, ages 2,5,5 and 9 is exactly 6 days. After 6 days everyone must go home and I have never ever been happier to just have teenagers in my whole life.

    I highly reccomend The Catch and Release Program to everyone.

  • cinnarose

    It is a big decision, one I think about myself (not that I’m married or even in a relationship!). I’m going to goad you on and say DO IT! I have a cute onesie I bought while on vacation in St. Maarten, and I rather send it to you than give it to the pregnant bitch I work with. You could say this decision was not based upon anything that makes sense, and you would be right.

  • Annie

    I totally understand what you mean, but why do we have that impulse? Why does the cuteness of babies make us want to eat them? Other cute things don’t seem to have that effect. I never feel the need to nibble on a kitten’s paw but a tiny little foot waved at me while I’m changing a diaper, hell yes will I nibble on it.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/ieatcrayonz/ ieatcrayonz

    This has been heavy on my heart lately as well. I thought I was the only one who didn’t get invited back to parties after stuffing little bald heads into my mouth.

    Hell, go for it. Count me in, too. People have done more with less. It’s just money, right? The closest we’ll come to taking it with us is to stuff our coffins with bills. And you know Cousin Jimmy is just going to swipe some at the wake anyhow.

  • http://www.glamorouse.blogspot.com the kim half of glamorouse

    that would be comment, not commen…

  • Kath :-)

    Do what’s best for your family and for you…especially for you.

    You could always compromise and get another dog?

    Just an idea :-)