Disowned because of this website

The phone rings, and when I answer it my mother says hello.

“Mom! How are you?”

“I’m cheap apparently.”

“Oops. You read that?”

“Oh, I read that, I did. So did everyone I work with.”

(Hi, Avon! Hi, Mom’s boss! Hello, you who found this site by searching for AVON KIDNAPPED MY BABY, I hope they gave it back.)

“I totally meant it as a compliment. You’re good with your money.”

“I happen to think that the dolls I bought for your daughter are perfectly cute.”

“I’m not so sure ‘cute’ is the first word that comes to mind when I think of those dolls.”

“They are cute, and she loves them.”

“FORMALDEHYDE! That’s the word.”


“I had originally wanted to say that you are the type of person who can wear a suit from Dress Barn and still look like a million bucks, but that part got cut out in the editing process. Which is a pity because I think that sums it up right there.”

“I probably have one item of clothing from Dress Barn.”

“But you still get what I’m trying to say.”

“Sure, but I will occasionally splurge on something from a more expensive store like Nordstrom or Saks.”

“Occasionally? Almost never.”

“I do when I have a gift certificate!”